(Closed) Friends don’t care that I’m gone

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

This happens alot , I used to be the party girl to, then I had my children puts a whole new perspective on things. More than likely you and your honey will have kids as well and that will make this even tougher! Selfish people dont make good friends at all,, you have to think, do you ask them how they are doing feeling? if you do and they dont return the support you might have to let them go. True friends go through these things kinda part ways and meat back up again when they are on the same page. Fake friends stay gone lol,, partys, men , dramma sure the hunny wouldnt apr. the dramma you dont really need it right now either. Just get through the wedding. The one that offerd to help seems like a good friend maybe just a nice person do you realy think shes trying to sneek into the wedding party? If you realy feel that then ewww not nice. Good luck its a new phase in your life enjoy it you got your best friend always your husband!!!!

Post # 4
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Umm…I don’t know, it sounds like you totally blew them off in the beginning and now you want them to not only throw you an engagement party but also beg you to come out with them? That seems very one sided to me. Maybe you need to make amends for ditching them first and then worry about what they can do for you.

Post # 5
Member
5784 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

The way you told this story makes you sound like a pretty bad friend. They were excited for you and you blew them off and now you’re upset they don’t want to throw you a party anymore? Also, how can you be thinking about ditching them as friends AND still be thinking about having them in your bridal party?

Post # 6
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

  It kind of sounds to me like you are mad at your friends for not kissing your ass. Sorry to sound so harsh-but I would re-read your post and think about who sounds like the bad friend.

Post # 7
Member
309 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

Agreed with the above… why would you put someone in your bridal party that you may not even want as your friend?  That seems really weird to me.

Post # 8
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

It sounds to me like you don’t understand what friendship is. You can’t just blow them off for a long time then suddenly reappear and expect to be right back where you started. And I agree it sounds totally off the wall that you would ask girls to be BMs who you don’t even want to be friends with.

Post # 10
Member
377 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

While I know it can be sad to think that your friends aren’t ‘missing’ you, it sounds like they’re darned if they do, darned if they don’t here. I mean, what’s the alternative to saying “No problem, we’ll catch up later”? If they whined and complained that you don’t have time for them anymore, wouldn’t you be annoyed that they don’t understand you’re an engaged woman now?

I think maybe you are feeling estranged from your friends because you’re in a different place right now, but it’s not fair to blame them for this. Sometimes this just happens when you’re at a different stage in your life. 

Post # 12
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

@TG20 With all due respect I just re-read a lot of your posts and I have to tell you I don’t think everyone is jealous of you for being engaged.

Post # 14
Member
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2006

You know, I think sometimes friendships run a natural course and then they die out.  Unfortunately it used to happen because of time, distance, being busy or at different life stages.  But now with cell phones and social networking we are required to be connected at all times, so things don’t run their natural course and we end up staying in touch with people that we don’t really have much in common with anymore.  So now this gets brought to the forefront when a big event, like hopefully something happy like a wedding and not a crisis, occurs.

I so understand where you’re coming from.  One of my BM’s was a good friend, then we drifted apart, got close again the two years before I got married so I put her in the wedding.  She was a total jerk the whole time she was in my wedding party and actually tried to sleep with several of our married groomsmen, apparently sitting at the wedding party table and criticizing our wedding while it was going on!  Since I’ve been married she doesn’t get that I don’t have the money for $300 concert tickets and I don’t have the money or desire to take a week long vacation with her when my husband and I rarely get to do that together.  So she invites me to these things constantly and I end up looking like I”m “blowing her off.” 

If you want to hang out with these girls, then maybe invite them to do something that is non-couple related.  But if you really don’t enjoy being friendly with them anymore, find someone else to hang out with.  As far as the party goes, noone is required to throw you anything, sorry to say.  Personally I never understood the whole Bachelorette thing — I wanted to get married, so why would I go out for the purpose of getting drunk and freaking out about getting married?

Post # 15
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@TG20 – I kind of have to agree with Ms.Charleston, obviously we don’t all know the entire stories for everything but it does kind of seem like a theme in a lot of your posts. You state “jealousy” as a reason for a lot of problems you have. Maybe they aren’t jealous but there are other factors at play that you should consider? Maybe its that you’ve ignored them a lot lately like you indicated in this post. Or maybe its that the drama they caused to begin with stems from somthing else and they are getting a little bothered by the fact that you think they are jealous when its really something else. Just an idea.

Post # 16
Member
1306 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

It doesn’t really sound like you want to be their friend anymore.

If you do, why dont you invite them out for happy hour to reconnect?

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