(Closed) Friends drifting away while wedding planning….?

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I think it’s pretty common, actually. I had 3 friendships that were already fading before Mr. LK and I got engaged. But wedding planning really helped me see just how far apart we had become, and put me in the right frame of mind to make some hard decisions. We planned a very intimate wedding, and when I realized that these people, who were once very close friends, were now more like strangers with whom I shared a past, I realized that they were not who I wanted to have with me on that day. And if someone was not the kind of friend who I REALLY wanted to have with me on my wedding day, then why was I spending the precious little free time that I have available trying to maintain a relationship with them? Life is too short to spend time on one-sided relationships. I made a decision to focus my time and energy to nurture my current friendships with people who actually want to spend time with me. It was the right decision for me…. a tough decision, but the right one.

Post # 4
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Sorry to hear this – I think that something like planning your wedding tends to expose certain flaws in relationships that we may not have noticed before.  It’s also possible that your friends just don’t want to talk about the wedding all the time.  I try and make it a point to not mention the wedding when talking to friends and family.  Though now that I’m two weeks out – it’s becoming more difficult.

I’ve had several similar issues – but since I’m not really having a wedding party, my issues are more with friends that I was totally involved in all of their wedding-related activities…and now they are too busy with husbands and kids to be bothered to even reply to evites or send in their reception response card.

I hope that it gets better – I don’t realy have any advice since I have the same stuff going on with me.

Post # 5
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

Wow, I could have written this post myself!  I am in the exact same situation and also think of just cutting ties but it would be too dramatic (although thats how I feel inside).  I think @lovekiss is correct is saying that planning that wedding made her see how far they’ve grown apart. I was so excited to include by 2 ‘best friends’ in this process with me but they could not possibly care less.  One is my Maid/Matron of Honor and she never even calls me, let alone offers help or opinions on things. 

 

I’m also in a friendship of 3 and it’s hard not to feel hurt and like the odd man out when they hang out without me all.the.time.  And I never even get invited!  But like you said, they’re both soo busy.  I am just focusing on the people that DO want to be in my life and ARE there for me and are into our wedding (aka ask questions about it from time to time and acknowledge that I am planning this whole thing).  After the wedding just let things fade… I have too much going on to force friendships with people who dont want to be in a friendship with me.

Post # 7
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I’m not planning anything just yet seeing as I’ve still got a while to go, but I noticed some of my friendships fading out after getting engaged. I think that part of my problem was jealousy (one girl told me she’d never thought I’d be engaged before her) and as for the rest, I don’t know. I had planned to include two of these girls in my wedding party, so in a way I’m glad they showed their true colors before I got into planning.

The most surprising part of it all is my best friend is in the middle of a divorce, and she’s been the most helpful when it comes to anything wedding.

It’s not just you though. I’ve seen it happen to other people too.

Post # 8
Member
273 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@SouthernGirl:  Since you have just under 2 years to go – I wouldn’t choose a bridal party for another year.  A lot of things can change – even some of the people I sent out STD’s to 9 months before the wedding, I was wishing 6 months later that I didn’t have to send them an invite as well.  

Post # 9
Member
9670 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

Since you’ve always gone out of your way to include your friends in your social life and they’re not currently reciprocating, I wonder if it could be they’re feeling jealousy/envy of your wedding in some way? 

Post # 10
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Do you make an effort to not talk about wedding-related things around them?  I was a bridesmaid for my friend and it was stressful because it was so time consuming.  I sometimes needed a break from all the wedding-related stuff and I couldn’t get that around her because it was all she talked about. 

Post # 12
Member
90 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

How crappy of them.  I’m sorry you have to go through this.  *hugs*

Post # 13
Member
1072 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’ve noticed this alot about my friends as well. Orginally I had planed on haveing a large bridal party, but then just decided to have just my two sisters be bridesmaids. I’m glad I did. Most of my friends are still liveing the single life and like to go clubbing and stuff. Where as I’m content to just chill at home and watch a movie. I make a effort and if they decide they dont have time for me so be it. This has actullay caused me to grow closer to newer friends then friends Ive had since High School. 

Post # 15
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@Legallyblondiebride:  How about asking them if they are sitll interested in being a BM? Say something like you’ve noticed the distance and if they want to step down they can?

Post # 16
Member
4606 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@lmoss78:  I definitely didn’t ask them. I knew it was too far out, but I had wanted to include them. Now, I think I’ll only be having one member in my bridal party, and I have no doubts at all about this girl.

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