(Closed) Friends engaged at same time

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
240 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017 - A Historic Inn

It is great to have a friend engaged at the same time. I’m not trying to be harsh, but she IS engaged and you are not yet. Does she know you expect to be engaged in a few weeks? Are you certain you’ll be engaged soon? Does she know you are interested in wedding planning? If she doesn’t know you’ll be engaged, then she is probably assuming you’ll just fulfill a bridesmaid role. 

Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee

Your friend sounds rude. Expecting you to make all that stuff for her is rude. You are perfectly within your right to say no. Really no one’s lives should be revolving around either wedding. Hopefully when you get engaged, your friends will be equally happy for you as they are for her. But, I wouldn’t expect any of my friends to be constantly planning/discussing wedding stuff with me just because I’m engaged. 

Post # 4
Member
1887 posts
Buzzing bee

Your friend sounds a little intense. She brings her wedding planning binder with her everywhere?! Yikes! Also, you are not responsible for all her wedding paper products, that her and her FI’s responsibility. I would back away slowly from this bride…

I do have some friends engaged at the same time as me, and sometimes it’s fun to commiserate, but what we want in weddings and what we’re dealing with as far as our families go is so different, we’re actually not going through the same things as much as you’d think. So don’t worry if you end up leaning on your other friends more.

Post # 6
Member
371 posts
Helper bee

View original reply
stoandgy:  “She is also expecting me to make the programs, invites, save the dates, etc. (never actually asked, just assumed I would).” 

Um… No, that’s not your job. As you said, she has a Maid/Matron of Honor. She does all that. Not you. 

I sense bride wars! 

Seriously though, focus on your wedding. Maybe try and be the better one and suggest going to wedding fairs and exhibitions together so that the planning process is easier and perhaps where there is less competition. Like your on mutual territory. You can bounce ideas off each other. I’m trying to direct you to the path where this doesn’t ruin your friendship.

I am excited for your future proposal! Hopefully you post details on here so we can all swoon from your experience! Hehe. All the best, Bee.

Post # 7
Member
4168 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

View original reply
stoandgy:  I was engaged at the same time as my best friend and it was awesome! That being said, I knew from the outset that I was having a longer engagement so when I got engaged, roughly nine months before her own wedding, and with twenty months still to go before mine, I didn’t really throw myself into wedding planning. I would bounce ideas off of her, but that’s it. 

There were no expectations on either end, but I was more than willing to help out anyway that I could and, once my friend’s wedding was over, she literally threw herself into helping me plan mine. She helped make my brooch bouquets, plus the bridesmaid’s bouquets, the bouts for the guys, ceremony decor, etc. Even though I don’t think she would have cared either way and she is definitely NOT someone who wants it to be “all about me”, I definitely cooled it on wedding chat around her unless it was about her wedding. I know everyone says you only get one day, but I wanted to be respectful of her time and I knew if I waited patiently, she would be a goldmine of help and knowledge. 

In this case, Bee, your friend is probably just excited. She JUST got engaged and some girls throw themselves into it right from the jump. I think you feeling “out of the loop” is simply because you’re already anticipating your friend to let you down. Do you know when she plans on getting married versus when you are getting married? She’s going to be excited now, but there is always a lull in the planning–there just is. Her mind can’t be occupied about this wedding all day every day. 

In terms of making invties, save the dates, etc. I think that is never something one should “assume” of their friends/bridesmaids. The only time my bridesmaids did anything for me is when they offered or asked to. 

Post # 8
Member
2141 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

ive never heard a case where 2 people engaged at the same time worked out well… in fact the opposit, people become very protective of their ideas and start thinking each other is copying (even if its basic things like photobooths)

wedding planning is usually a very self involved past time that most people dont like to share the spotlight on but im assuming you will have other family and friends who will be more than happy about your engagement and to help plan

 

are you planning to propose? im just wondering how you have a date set for your ‘engagement’

Post # 9
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

I got engaged last October, and my best friend and Maid/Matron of Honor got engaged on New Year’s Eve.

So far it has been great! My friend is getting married in late August, and I’m getting married June 2017. So we have quite a bit of time between our actual weddings. Still, we have been helping each other plan. Every weekend, we will put aside a few hours of planning time where we’ll get together and talk out our plans. Right now, it’s a lot of stuff for her wedding because she has so much planned. However, we’ve been talking through plans for my wedding a lot too. Basically we both have our laptops with all of our wedding planning on them, and we’ll each give each other time to go through our stuff. A lot of the time we spend more time on her wedding, but that’s because it’s so much sooner. We still always have time to talk about my wedding, there’s just not a ton I’ve planned yet though. And we’ve done some DIY stuff for her wedding, a long with a few girlfriends and our FI’s. I know that she will do the same for me when I start on that sort of stuff (it involves wine and snacks, so it’s always fun!).

So basically, it has been great to have my best friend be engaged at the same time as me. I was so happy for her when she got engaged, because I knew how much she was wanting him to propose. And I love helping her plan her wedding, because she’s my best friend and I care about her. She also knows how it is to be obsessed with wedding planning, so she’ll let me babble on and on about my wedding plans without getting annoyed. It works because I let her babble on too haha. We’ll send each other random texts throughout the days about little ideas. I wouldn’t want to burden anyone else with a bunch of stuff they don’t actually care about, but I listen to her too so I know she doesn’t mind.

So that’s how having a friend being engaged at the same time can be great! Basically I think it depends if you and your friend can be genuinely happy for each other, and not jealous or insecure about your own wedding. It also helps if the weddings are a bit further apart, because then you can dedicate more time to one wedding during planning sessions when it’s needed. But if you’re worried about her being too focused on her own planning to care about yours, then either schedule time for planning where half the time you focus on her and half the time you focus on you, or don’t rely on her to help plan.

Oh, and you don’t have to make her save the dates and invites and stuff if you don’t want her. Tell her you would be happy to her HER make them, but don’t commit to them if you don’t want to. Or if you do decide to do them, tell her “I’d love to help you out, I’m sure I will have a few things I need your help with to!” Basically you can trust your friend to help you out too, if you want to and if you think that she will.

Post # 10
Member
4234 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Manhattan, NY

View original reply
stoandgy:  One of my best friends and myself were engaged during the same time and it worked out wonderfully. Her engagment has been long-term and she is getting married in July, while mine was much shorter than I expected it to be (just under 7 months) and I thought I’d be getting married over a year later than I did.

My friend is very much into wedding planning and has done so much on her own, including all of her save the dates and invites, which is not your job. It’s one thing to volunteer to help, but it shouldn’t just be delegated to your or assumed that you’re doing it! She also helped me tremendously throughout my whole wedding process and even came over to work on my wedding album with me while she finsihed her invites.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation about what your role in her bridal party really means, and then I would bring up the wedding planning as a group once you’re engaged. It can be nice to have other brides-to-be to run ideas by and check out different bridal shows and vendors with, and I don’t think that good friends would be too busy with one wedding to include you in the planning. 

Post # 11
Member
3607 posts
Sugar bee

I’m engaged right now and have friends who are also engaged. We’re all planning our weddings this summer. It’s been great for the most part — I can bounce ideas off of them or commiserate with them rather than boring my friends who aren’t planning a wedding to death, and vice versa. Our weddings are all completely different in terms of venue, size, and overall aesthetic, so there are no competitive feelings going on. There have been a couple awkward moments, like when one of the other couples asked my Fiance and me what our first dance song was and it turns out we had the same front-runner as them (lots of guest list overlap), or when another couple copied our wedding website word for word a couple months after we set it up (didn’t say anything out loud about that one, just had an internal WTF moment). Overall though, no real complaints. It’s been fun.

Re your situation, I’d just say no to all the DIY. Once you get engaged, your own wedding planning will suck up a lot of your time, so you have a great excuse.

Post # 13
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
stoandgy:  I’m 2 weeks late to the post and new on here but just waiting on an update. Did he propose? =D.. 

one of my best friend and I got engaged around the same time.. About a month apart. It worked out really well for us. She was my Maid/Matron of Honor and we helped each other out alot with the planning process. We both have extremely different taste and ideas for our wedding so it worked out really well.. 

Just to add to the extreme closeness of things we also got married a month apart and fell pregnant a month apart. Our sons are 3 weeks apart. (Not planned at all)

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