(Closed) Friend’s Engagement (kind of long)

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

In my opinion these kinds of engagement/marriages never last long. :/ I had a friend go through a similar superrr fast engagement and then breakup all within a month of hopping on to the next guy and them breaking up a week and a month or so after her engagement ended. She knew it wasn’t right and it was not the best situation to be in. 

 I understand you’re upset about your friend and I think your feelings are legit… however, keep calm and wait it out. In reality only time will tell what happens with her relationship. I can concur that this doesn’t sound like an ideal situation! Don’t feel jealous of her for one moment, her decisions will probably backfire into more drama and emotional hurt than she realizes right now. I would honestly take myself out of that mess of a situation. 

Post # 4
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I would just stay out of it entirely.  It’s not really your business at all who she is seeing or dating or crying over.  If you want to express some concern, do it in a polite way– “I’m so excited for you but I need to meet this guy! Are you worried that it’s so soon or do you just know?”  If they’re really not meant to be, the relationship will run its course on its own. 

Asking about this ex is only going to hurt your friendship and create a bunch of unneccessary drama.   Why are you calling all of these people and talking about this girl to so many of them? 

Post # 5
Member
2263 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I don’t know if the OP is calling anyone other than her one closer friend, the other call seemed to be made to her in that case. 

 I agree though, with so much talk about this it’d be better for you to keep out entirely. This thing could be really messy when it explodes. If she heard you were talking to others about her relationship who knows what she could think. 

Post # 7
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@SimplyChic11:  I think it’s okay to mention to the other roommate, but mutual friends calling to say someone saw someone and they may have dated and etc etc?  That just wouldn’t fly with me– it’s none of my business unless the friend tells me herself that she’s pining over her ex and engaged to the new random guy. 

Post # 8
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

@missjuli:  I think it would be totally appropriate and nice just to reach out and see how she’s doing.  You can make it a happy thing– “last time I saw you, you were so sad over that jerk Matt and now look at you!”  Something that says you’re happy for her but can bring up your worries.  If she needs to talk about Matt, give her an opening to do so, but I wouldn’t stress too much only based off of what other people are telling you. 

Post # 9
Member
335 posts
Helper bee

Yeah this doesn’t sound like a good situation. I’d feel worried for Tim that he might end up marrying your friend who is clearly not ready and was maybe not honest with him about how recently she was involved with her ex? (I couldn’t tell, was there cheating inolved? Or were they on a “break” at that time?) But then again, he proposed after only knowing her a short time and knowing she was recently out of a relationship…

But I agree with PP, there’s not really anything you can do. Hopefully things will run their course before a wedding happens.

Post # 10
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

I think your feelings are legitimate as well…seems to quick to be over the first guy, seems like she is just using Tim to get over Matt….I would still make an effort to reach out to her and ask how she is doing and congratulate her and see her response…you will know by her response if she is genuinely over Matt and committed to Tim.

Post # 11
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all I think it’s is very harmful to be listening to second hand information and taking it as fact. Second of all I wonder with all these loose lips if what you said about her relationship got back to her? If it was me I would be pissed about friends making judgements on my relationship based on rumors and then making their feelings known to other friends.

I think if you care about her call her and speak to her directly. Think carefully about speaking out, by the way you desrcibe your current relationship with her I doubt she would take it the right way. I think if all of what you are saying is legitmate, sometimes people make mistakes and no one can talk them out of it and change their minds. If this is the case or your friend then it’s a hard lesson she will have to learn for herself. In the meantime I would be a supportive friend a voice of reason if and when she ask for your opinions on the matter.

Post # 12
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

It’s a difficult position to be in, watching a friend jump in so quickly. Who knows, maybe it’ll work out, but maybe it won’t. I would just call her to see how she’s doing and then maybe you can gage exactly what’s going on. It’s hard to know the whole story when you get bits and pieces from different people. I would avoid straight up telling her it’s too soon, even though it probably is. I know I’d have a hard time hearing that, and most people would react negatively to the comment. Maybe wait and see and if you still feel concerned find a way to tell her without making it sound too blunt. 

Post # 13
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@missjuli:  Sounds to me like it will end up playing itself out. Could the new relationship work out? Maybe, but its really hard to say especially with the little fling you found out about. I would be hurt of how you found out, that happened to me with my best friend and I was super pissed. If it was me, I’d at least mention that part but it depends if you know how she will take that. I’d stay outta the rest.

Post # 15
Member
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

As previously stated….. just sit back, know that you’re probably going to be 100% right and spot on with assessment of the situation.  And if not, then… good for your friend and her new love- and you can be happy for her also.  It’s not worth the drama in Your life.. At All 🙂

Post # 16
Member
5199 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

Well, you know what they say “codependency is a true foundation block to a lasting, healthy and happy marriage”. Um, I may have codependency confused with something else. Wink

Seriously though, it sounds like crisis bonding. She is heartbroken and latching onto someone who is “there for her” and he is equally seeing a weakness of sorts (even if he does have real feelings, not the time to move on them usually!). It is possible they will make it to the wedding depending on how short their engagement is and how wrapped up in planning they are but that may not be a good thing. Only time will tell.

Just sit back, say “congratulations” and live on. Her life to lead.

 

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