Post # 1
In an attempt to keep this short, basically one of my good friends broke up with her boyfriend of four years right after the invitations went out. Like literally the day after I mailed them. Her invitation was addressed to them both (Ms. Jane Doe and Mr. John Smith). Had they broken up prior, I would have had it re-addressed it to just her. I’m not at all close to her ex – only because they were dating.
Now she is still wanting him to come, my mom doesnt want to shell out then $150 for his seat and she’s not budging. Am I completely out of line in feeling like he shouldn’t still be coming? What am I supposed to do?
Post # 2
Why does your friend *want* to bring her recent ex? Does she think they’ll be back together by the wedding?
Post # 3
You budgeted for him to be there so why not let her bring him? Maybe they are going to get back together.
Post # 4
Here would be my take on it. You gave her a plus one when you mailed her invitation, that one happening to be her now ex-boyfriend. If she still chooses to come with him, I feel she has every right because the invitation was addressed to them both. I am not saying she is right or wrong to bring him, that is her choice.
However, if you invite someone or give them a plus one I find it extremely rude to take back the invitation. If your mom has a problem paying for him to be there, then he shouldn’t have been invited in the first place. Don’t invite people you can’t afford to host and don’t take back invites…both a extremely rude in my book.
Post # 5
Only right thing to do is let him come. If your friend wanted him to still come. You don’t know how amicable the split was. My guy is still friends with exes. It doesn’t have to be awkward or a big deal. You invited him so you can’t take it back. Its ultimately his and her decision now.
Post # 6
She’s already told me (and him) that they aren’t getting back together. Her reasoning is that he’s lonely, has only her as a friend (he moved here shortly before they started dating and only stayed because of her), and she says that he considers my Fiance and I his friends too. Not to be completely horrible, but I wouldn’t call him a friend – like I wouldn’t hang with him (nor would FI) without my girlfriend…
I know this is probably a battle I should just drop though…
Post # 7
Y’all are absolutely right. It’s not so much that we can’t afford to pay for him – it’s that my parents weren’t thrilled he was coming in the first place and I guess expected he wouldn’t be attending since they split.
I just feel trapped between a rock and a hard place – someone will be pissed off either way. Either my parents or my friend…
I will most likely just offer to pay for his seat to keep the peace with both parties.
Thanks for the advice!
Post # 7
I think you should just let him attend given you had already factored in his attendance before they split up
Post # 9
This is actually not completely true. A plus one is different from an invitation mailed to someone in a relationship. A plus one indicates that a person can bring anyone they please and plus ones are not required for truely single guests. Therefore, to deprive a truely single guest of a plus one is not a breach of etiquette. When a person is in a relationship and an invitation is mailed to that person and their SO, the SO is addressed by name. It is not a plus one. Your guest cannot bring anyone they please: they can bring the person that the invitation was addressed to.
That being said, because OP’s friend is not bringing someone else but is bringing the person whose name appears on the invitation, there is no breach in etiquette and, technically, she can bring him because he is an invited guest. Why on earth she would WANT to, I have no idea. But this is a battle that I simply wouldn’t pick.
Post # 10
You issued an invitation and must honor it. It would be both extremely rude and insulting to rescind it. I honestly don’t see what the major issue is. If the former couple is cordial enough to still attend together, so what if they are no longer a couple? Not to mention, its possible they may get back together.
Post # 11
The thing is, your mother has no right to demand you disinvite this man and is being horribly ungracious in demanding you rescind an invitation you already issued. She’s in the wrong where your friend would have every right to be angry and insulted should you disinvite her former boyfriend. Not to mention you would hurt, insult and embarrass someone who considers you a friend.