friends from different economic situations

posted 4 months ago in The Lounge
Post # 76
Member
126 posts
Blushing bee

Your ex was in and out of prison 😂 but hey, let’s crap on the cook who you think may have possibly been to prison recently maybe 😂

Post # 78
Member
945 posts
Busy bee

Im not going to slam you. I have two siblings who got out of prison, one in August, the other at the end of December. Guess what? They are right back in there. I dont associate with them. One is a drug addict and a thief. Both their kids are in foster care and instead of getting out and turning their lives around they both started chasing women, drugs, and stealing again. 

My mother bless her heart is an enabler. She refuses to stop helping them both. I have another sister who is emotionally abusive to her daughter, who is spending the summer with me

I told my baby brother he wasnt welcome in my house anymore after he stole from me to buy drugs.  Then I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and he stole from my kids, their Xbox and gave it to some girl he was dating. He also stole from my mother to the tune of 10,000. She is in the beginning stages of alzheimers and its up to me to look after her now. My other brother also stole from my mom and then had drugs in my car. I do not allow them near me or my children.  

I have another sister who married a convicted pedophile and had a baby with him. I dont invite them to my house either. I wont expose my children to them.

I can understand if someone did something a long time ago and got their life on track, but when people just get out of jail, they need to prove themselves as decent people before I will let them near my home. 

That might sound judgemental but my siblings are in their 30s and they are still in and out of jail and I just dont want that around my kids. Thats not being snobby, it just means I wont run the risk of them getting hurt, stolen from, or possibly exposed to drugs and the cops.

In February I took my mother to New Orleans for a trip for her birthday. She has always wanted to go before she forgets. We came back and that night the SWAT team showed up at her house, kicked in the front door and put us on the floor in handcuffs. My brother was using her phone to traffic in drugs and got caught. 

NOPE not gonna happen. 

Post # 79
Member
4981 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

penny1403 :  I just watched Beatriz at Dinner recently. This post reminds me of that because you sound so certain of your perspective and also really out of touch in a lot of ways.

My SO (and his relatives) like to gather up people who are down on their luck- broken bird types. They’ll invite them to live with them, get taken advantage of, give waaaaaay too many chances and then do the same thing over again with someone else. The result is that they have gotten taken advantage of at times. They have also helped a lot of people because of their generosity. And they manage to remain open hearted and receptive to others, which is actually extraordinarily courageous, IMO.

I do not have these same practices- I’m not trying to save people- I prefer to cheer people on while they save themselves. I’m also really strict about who I invite into my home and who I’m willing to spend time around. I like to provide support with boundaries- so the people to whom I can be of service are different from the people for whom my SO and his family can be of service.

There’s nothing wrong with having boundaries, or respecting them or having different criteria from your Fiance about who you want to be around.

However, you do seem to have some problematic perspectives where you conflate economics and “worthiness” and you should probably look into that, especially considering the fact that your Fiance probably had to work really hard to overcome the challenges of his background (and you sound like you approve of him (which isn’t even your place) but still have some contempt for where he came from). 

Post # 81
Member
1469 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

penny1403 :  I think PP aren’t being fair.  I grew up poor, Fiance and I were poor when we first met and we also hung out with degenerates and were degenerates ourselves. 

About 5 years ago, we made the decision to better ourselves.  We moved house, closed down the “open door policy” and didn’t tell most people where we lived.  We focused on ourselves, stopped partying and making poor decisions, and started building a new life together.  Some of our friends did too, some did not.  

We have now been doing well for a long time.  What was a slower process was removing all the undesirable friends from our lives.  The ones who would smoke crack pipes in our bathroom because they were told no drugs, the ones who would steal from us, the ones who were being tracked down by drug dealers, the ones who had their children taken away from them etc.  The friends who cleaned up their lives, we kept, regardless of their financial situation.  I have friends who are carpet layers, teachers, nurses, struggling musicians, full-time students, bartenders etc.  The only thing they have in common is they make decent decisions, don’t peer pressure people to do the wrong thing and are all around good people. 

OP, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be selective about the people in your life, and not picking the ones who are likely to bring drama with them.  I don’t think you’ve worded things well but I understand what you are trying to say.  Just tell your SO that while he is welcome to catch up with these people if he chooses, you are not comfortable having them in your home, you are not comfortable hanging out with them and you will not be sticking your neck out for them professionally or financially.  

Post # 82
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee

penny1403 :  are you sure that your fiancé is the person you want to marry?  I just don’t get the impression that you two are all that compatible and you seem to complain about him and his life a lot.

i know that we all need to vent at times, but the things you vent about are pretty serious matters

Post # 83
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

I still see you’re judging everyone you meet/see…

Now I remember that you’re the chick that said people of a certain size shouldn’t wear a bikini…for shame on you-seriously. 

Post # 84
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

I would give you my opinion but you probably don’t care to hear it because I made some bad decisions when I was younger. 

Post # 85
Member
4203 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

SabL22 :  

The undatables thread is an eye opener

Post # 86
Member
733 posts
Busy bee

For those wondering what the bikini comment was, I had to go back and find it for myself.

legginfs are fine as pants if you are size 0-6. [comment edited for violation of tos] do not belong wearing them or bikinis. It is fine to be fat if one chooses, but dress appropriately. 

Post # 87
Member
1082 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2018

Sansa85 :  ugh I can imagine. this is why I usually stick to the ring boards but I remember that thread and it made me feel bad since I’m self conscious and with the body positive movement I did in fact go out and buy a high waisted bikini-the first one I ever owned and my hubs loves it but I’m a curvy girl and feel super self conscious, Penny over there judging everything from people’s past/career choices to what she sees them wearing on the street didn’t sit right with me, had to chime in 😐

Post # 89
Member
1046 posts
Bumble bee

penny1403 :  “I am not hanging out and friending hot messes, when I have smart, successful, crime free friends. Call me a snob…”

DUDE, GIMME A BREAK. They’re calling you a snob for the phone comment, et al., for crying out loud–NOT for being choosy about who you befriend. Are you WILLFULLY trying to misunderstand everyone or WHAT. 

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