(Closed) Friends hate FI and I have no idea why.

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Twice, in my gro of friends has a guy brought a girl around who everyone hated.  They are both now divorced.  I would pay attention when multiple people tell you they don’t like your SO.  Co-workers are easily fooled.  You spend a lot of time with them, but if you get your work done and don’t cause waves, you can get away with a lot.  

My friends also did not like my ex-boyfriend.  Honestly, my family did not either, but they acted like they did for my sake.  My friends were much more honest with me, while my parents were more waiting for me to see what they saw.  They only brought it up once, and that was more as a dig against his parents (who openly babied him infront of my parents the first time they met.)  When we broke up, the first words out of my moms mouth were “we didn’t really like him or his family that much.”  

Post # 17
Member
489 posts
Helper bee

Are your friends from a different point in your life before you met SO i.e. high school?

The first time my school friends met now-FI,  they didnt particularly warm to him because of how he was in the group. He didnt know anyone and tends to overcompensate when uncomfortable. He is generally a bit loud and not-so-tactful. The opposite to me. And so my friends whilst not saying so I do feel thought he was a bit of a jerk. He isnt someone that would have been in our school group. It happened with a few other girlfriends – they got partners outside of the group and they just didnt quite ‘fit’.  Some people are not very accepting of ‘new’ and ‘different’

So we have different friend groups. I tend to see my older friends by myself as it just saves everyone the awkwardness).  We have mutual friends where we hang out in a group and thats fine,  they know him and they know me. 

Not sure if your situation is the same, but often the people that we attract/are attracted to as friends have different traits than a partner, and so it would stand that those two peoples might clash. 

 

Post # 18
Member
4254 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I was in this situation once.  I thought my boyfriend was treating me well.  I thought he was great.  But EVERY friend group I introduced him to…high school friends, college friends, even mutual friends…said I could do better and he was not a great guy.  As it turns out now that I am out of the relationship and can look back on it, he really *didn’t* treat me well.  My family loved him (mostly) and I loved him of course, but my friends who saw me interact with him noticed things I didn’t see.  They weren’t the reason we broke up, but my BFF admitted she was planning on having a heart-to-heart with me if we had gotten engaged because she knew I would be unhappy.

Our friends can see things that we can’t.  I would sit down and have a heart-to-heart with these people and get to the bottom of WHY they don’t like him.  There has to be a reason.

Post # 19
Member
1800 posts
Buzzing bee

If he has a sarcastic sense of humor and it rubs people the wrong way, why doesn’t he try to tone it down when he’s around your friends? That type of personality is not something you just throw at people and expect them to like, it’s not “normal”. They see him as a jerk and he obviously doesn’t care or he’d try to get along with them and ease up on the attitude until they understand him more.

Post # 20
Member
9042 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

So you had a group of friends, they disliked your SO and you dumped them. Then you got a new group of friends and they also disliked your SO. 

Well either you are crap at picking friends or your SO is an ass. Either way I think you need to stop and reflect on how you pick and are traeted in relationships maybe with a therapist. Because if you are so bad at picking friends my instincts say that your partner picking abilities are probably questionable as well.

 

Post # 21
Member
664 posts
Busy bee

It doesn’t sound like he is trying hard enough to make your friends like him. He could probably make them like him if he wanted but why should he? Coworkers can make his work life difficult and your family can turn you away from him. What harm would it do if your friends don’t like him? Obviously you don’t care much about them or their opinion, dumping them for a guy and implying that they were promiscuous. 

Too often, we hear stories of women who have been isolated from their friends and have nowhere to turn to when they decide to leave their abusive partners. Sometimes it’s because their partners are preventing their friendships. Sometimes they cut away their own friendships to make their partners happy. I don’t know whether your guy is a good guy or not but the fact that you have chosen him over friends makes me wary. 

Post # 22
Member
2251 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

What I see here is that two distinctly separate groups of people dislike your SO at different times during different circumstances. That’s a big sign that you are dating an asshole. Your family probably tries to keep a good face for your sake, so I would ask your mom directly about her HONEST opinion.  Can you take her honest opinion? Are you ready for that? Also,  I would not take co-workers opinion into consideration,  because work behavior is work behavior,  and not a reflection on who the person really is at home.  Something tells me that your picker is off, and this is not a good guy. 

Post # 23
Member
1011 posts
Bumble bee

With my ex, my family hated him, and his hated me. But I was determined to be with him, I felt I would never find anyone else, I was rebounding from a divorce, etc. and he fed the fire, telling me no one could ever love me like he did, and how bad everyone (family and friends) were for me. I started isolating myself away from my family, figuring they’d come around sooner or later. We got engaged, kept it a secret. Even booked the church, I bought a dress, etc, but kept it from my parents because I knew how much they hated him (he always wanted me to move in with him and I didn’t want to, and knew that would destroy the relationship I did have left with them) and then finally one night he decided to tell them we are getting married (after he’d told my dad I was moving in with him and he wasn’t leaving without me). My mom cried, my dad didn’t speak and I was nauseous. I later found out my dad had said if I went through with it he’d kill himself (not to me, but to my mom). My friends were supportive, kind of a “if you like him we’ll support you” but that was It. I felt I always had to defend him to everyone and finally grew tired of it and we broke up. Afterwards most of my friends came forward and said “I’m so glad he’s gone”. 

So in the end, even though he made myself appear to be a great guy to people and painted my parents as the bad guys, it was all him. And they could all see it even thouhh I tried to convince myself I was happy. 

Post # 24
Member
1066 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

There’s more to this story and not enough information. Somethings not right. 

Post # 25
Member
465 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If everything you said is true and your guy really is good to you, then it might just be a personality clash. My friends disapproved of my guy at first for lots of reasons, said we could never have a healthy relationship, but when we got engaged they got over it and now theyre all good friends with him. 

Post # 26
Member
4698 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Hmm.. Maybe your SO is actually an ass and just on his best behavior around your family?

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