Post # 1
So, long story short, our friends (who know about our pregnancy loss and TTC journey/disappointment) invited us to a cookout this weekend that they told us was to get all our friends together and also to celebrate their daugher’s 2nd birthday! We gratefully accepted the invitation and have been looking forward to seeing everyone and celebrating their daughter. However, tonight I heard from a friend that they are actually announcing their pregnancy (that I did not know about until now) AND doing a big gender reveal surprise thing at the party. Is it wrong that I feel tricked? Because now I will feel like a bitch if I don’t go, but it really sucks for me to go to gender reveals right now. I am trying with every mite of my being to be super happy for all my friends who are getting pregnant and having babies and I have dropped off food and baby clothes at every single one of my friend’s houses after the births of their children since we have been TTC. However I have no interest in attending a pregnancy and gender reveal party. I already know I will drink too much and be overly emotional and probably cry in the bathroom at some point. Suck it up and stop being a crybaby or just send my regrets/a gift and congratulate the couple? Thanks for listening. 🙂
Post # 2
yeah that’s tough. It kind of sucks they didn’t think to tell you ahead of time and ask you to keep it hush hush, so that you’d have time to process.. I guess when pregnancy comes easy it’s easy to not think about how difficult TTC can be for others.
I don’t know what I’d do, but I think you should do whatever you think feels right. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, IMO, and only you can decide what you’d rather do. I’m sure if you are suddenly “sick” that weekend no one will be upset with you.
Post # 3
I’ve never tried to have kids before – from my perspective it’s completely normal for them to ask you to the party. If you can’t handle it, maybe come up with some kind of excuse?
Post # 4
Don’t go. Seriously. Give yourself that kindness. What you are going through sucks and it would be so hard to put yourself in that situation. Any good friend would understand! I say this as someone who attended my good friend’s baby shower 2 weeks after my early miscarriage following my first round of IVF. I knew it would be hard but wanted to be a good friend and support her. I ended up crying and leaving midway through the shower. I was mortified (although I don’t think anyone noticed as I left as soon as I felt the tears bubble up) and couldn’t hold it in. I shouldn’t have even gone. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace that you would give a friend in your same shoes. There are other ways to support your friends (which you have already found and been doing!). I’m sorry that your friends didn’t think that doing a surprise pregnancy annoucement and gender reveal with you there would be difficult for you. That sucks, but I know that it’s hard for people who haven’t dealt with infertility to understand just how incredibly difficult and painful it is. I’m glad you found out about it ahead of time! I wish you the best of luck!
(Also, I hope people are nice to you on this thread but just to warn you, when I made a thread about crying at my friend’s shower I got torn apart and told it was awful that I couldn’t even “muster up enough happiness for my friend on her shower day to not ruin it with my crying” or some BS. Don’t listen to those people. You are going through hell. Protect your heart. Your friends will understand).
Post # 5
Since they are aware of your disappointments you should call them up and confirm that it is a gender reveal party. If it is they should understand why you would not want to go. I’m hoping they were not trying to trick you, and were just not thinking.
Post # 6
I would be really disappointed in your friends if i were you. They knowingly lied to you to get you to attend, likely because they sefishly wanted you there.
So i vote you get to be selfish too, and not go.
Post # 7
Don’t go. I would be ‘sick’ the day of and send my apologies.
Post # 8
Ask them. Let them know that ‘someone’ mentioned this was a surprise gender reveal (don’t say who), and ask if this is true. You can then tell your friends that you are happy for them and you would love to celebrate with them, but mentally you’re not in that place just now.
I usually think some effort should be made to allow others to celebrate their happiness, but it sounds like you are doing that for all of your friends, and it is seriously cruel for someone to lie to you about this while knowing what you’ve been through. Your friend could have been honest.
I would skip the party, but I wouldn’t fake an excuse. Either ask ahead of time, or just don’t show up and tell her that you couldn’t handle it after hearing the rumour.
Post # 9
Just to clarify I know they would never intentionally “trick” me. I think the vast majority of fertile couples just think if it takes someone else longer than them to get pregnant it is just a longer time of enjoying exciting unprotected sex 🙁
Post # 10
I agree with pp, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. True friends will understand.
Post # 11
I would just tell them you can’t emotionally handle it right now but that you love and support them.
Post # 12
the autocorect messed up the whole spelling so the message makes no sense. deleted.
Post # 13
I bet they didn’t realize how their pregnancy announcement would affect you. Don’t feel obligated to attend if you’re anticipating a stressful experience. I am sorry for your loss.
Post # 14
They know your situation, they should have warned you personally. They’re self-absorbed. Do not go. And don’t give them the courtesy of telling them beforehand- give them a reality check if they bring it up later.
Post # 15
I would just be honest with them and tell them that you’re not emotionally ready yet. Don’t feel like you have to go. Sorry for your loss.