(Closed) Friends having surprise pregnancy/gender reveal party

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
9384 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

View original reply
olivejd :  yeah that’s tough.  It kind of sucks they didn’t think to tell you ahead of time and ask you to keep it hush hush, so that you’d have time to process.. I guess when pregnancy comes easy it’s easy to not think about how difficult TTC can be for others. 

I don’t know what I’d do, but I think you should do whatever you think feels right.  You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place, IMO, and only you can decide what you’d rather do.  I’m sure if you are suddenly “sick” that weekend no one will be upset with you.

Post # 3
78 posts
Worker bee

I’ve never tried to have kids before – from my perspective it’s completely normal for them to ask you to the party. If you can’t handle it, maybe come up with some kind of excuse?

Post # 4
3934 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Don’t go. Seriously. Give yourself that kindness. What you are going through sucks and it would be so hard to put yourself in that situation. Any good friend would understand! I say this as someone who attended my good friend’s baby shower 2 weeks after my early miscarriage following my first round of IVF. I knew it would be hard but wanted to be a good friend and support her. I ended up crying and leaving midway through the shower. I was mortified (although I don’t think anyone noticed as I left as soon as I felt the tears bubble up) and couldn’t hold it in. I shouldn’t have even gone. Be kind to yourself and give yourself the grace that you would give a friend in your same shoes. There are other ways to support your friends (which you have already found and been doing!). I’m sorry that your friends didn’t think that doing a surprise pregnancy annoucement and gender reveal with you there would be difficult for you. That sucks, but I know that it’s hard for people who haven’t dealt with infertility to understand just how incredibly difficult and painful it is. I’m glad you found out about it ahead of time! I wish you the best of luck! 

(Also, I hope people are nice to you on this thread but just to warn you, when I made a thread about crying at my friend’s shower I got torn apart and told it was awful that I couldn’t even “muster up enough happiness for my friend on her shower day to not ruin it with my crying” or some BS. Don’t listen to those people. You are going through hell. Protect your heart. Your friends will understand).

Post # 5
837 posts
Busy bee

Since they are aware of your disappointments you should call them up and confirm that it is a gender reveal party. If it is they should understand why you would not want to go. I’m hoping they were not trying to trick you, and were just not thinking. 

Post # 6
4491 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I would be really disappointed in your friends if i were you. They knowingly lied to you to get you to attend, likely because they sefishly wanted you there.

So i vote you get to be selfish too, and not go. 

Post # 7
1848 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

Don’t go. I would be ‘sick’ the day of and send my apologies.

Post # 8
2119 posts
Buzzing bee

Ask them. Let them know that ‘someone’ mentioned this was a surprise gender reveal (don’t say who), and ask if this is true. You can then tell your friends that you are happy for them and you would love to celebrate with them, but mentally you’re not in that place just now. 

I usually think some effort should be made to allow others to celebrate their happiness, but it sounds like you are doing that for all of your friends, and it is seriously cruel for someone to lie to you about this while knowing what you’ve been through. Your friend could have been honest. 

I would skip the party, but I wouldn’t fake an excuse. Either ask ahead of time, or just don’t show up and tell her that you couldn’t handle it after hearing the rumour. 

Post # 10
5228 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I agree with pp, be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. True friends will understand.

Post # 11
10306 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

I would just tell them you can’t emotionally handle it right now but that you love and support them.

Post # 12
1511 posts
Bumble bee

the autocorect messed up the whole spelling so the message makes no sense. deleted.

Post # 13
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I bet they didn’t realize how their pregnancy announcement would affect you. Don’t feel obligated to attend if you’re anticipating a stressful experience. I am sorry for your loss. 

Post # 14
1757 posts
Buzzing bee

They know your situation, they should have warned you personally. They’re self-absorbed. Do not go. And don’t give them the courtesy of telling them beforehand- give them a reality check if they bring it up later.

Post # 15
464 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

I would just be honest with them and tell them that you’re not emotionally ready yet. Don’t feel like you have to go. Sorry for your loss.

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