(Closed) Friends having surprise pregnancy/gender reveal party

posted 4 years ago in TTC
Post # 16
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I guess your friends are just forget to inform you personally about the gender reveal party since they meant it to be a surprise, not that they intentionally trick you ^^. Happy people can be forgetful.
Anyway I agree your friends would understand if you remind them how hard it is for you now and that you support them and happy for them.

Post # 17
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Versailles Banquets (Northwest Suburbs of Chicago)

I guess I am the odd man out here….. This is coming from somebody who was TTC for two years and then had to go through IVF with several of the setbacks that come with IVF.  I don’t think they owe any explanation or a ‘pre’ talk with anybody.  This is a very joyus time for them and if I was invited, I would be so happy for them no matter where we were in our journey.   I have never declined a baby shower, gender reveal or hospital visit when my friends are expecting or had the babies.  If you feel like it would be to hard for you, just decline.

Post # 18
692 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018


View original reply
olivejd :  avchicago3 :  This exactly. People shouldn’t have to buffer their happiness for others who are struggling, but I totally get that if you ARE struggling, it might not be something you can handle emotionally. If you don’t think you can attend or it would cause you more pain than happiness for them, then decline. Call your friend and confirm that’s what is happening and say something along the lines of, “I’m so happy for you (if you are) but at the place I’m at emotionally with our struggles, I will be unable to attend, I’m sorry.”

Post # 19
7567 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I certainly don’t think people need to “buffer” their happiness for others who are struggling. That being said, there is such a thing as compassion….especially if you KNOW your friend is struggling to get pregnant or has experienced recent losses.

I’ve been in the OP’s shoes, and while it’s great that others who also experienced infertility were still able to have joy for others, that’s not everyone’s journey. The OP is completely normal for her feelings.

OP…I would say if you don’t feel up to it, just decline. Call your friend and say “I just wanted to let you know that I’ll be unable to attend the party. When I accepted I thought it was a birthday party but I’ve heard through the grapevine it’s really a pregnancy announcement and I just don’t think I’m ready to handle something like that. I’m really happy for you guys, but with all our struggles I just know I won’t be able to keep my emotions in check.”

Post # 20
959 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Historic Chapel

The way I see it since they didn’t announce it was a gender reveal party then they probably don’t know you know it is. So I would just make up an excuse and let them know I can’t make it a few days before the party so it doesn’t seem like you don’t want to attend. Having been through a loss myself I understand how much you probably don’t want to go to this party. I know is not that you are not happy for them, but after losing my baby I wanted nothing to do with pregnant women or babies for a while since it was so painful for me. Hugs

Post # 21
7423 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I would make up an excuse like being sick and just skip the party.

Post # 22
9632 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i don’t think they are intentionally trying to trick you. 

i went through 2 years of infertility and numerous rounds of IVF, i declined many baby shower, and baby related events.  i was always ok with already established kids, like i had no problem attending a 5yo’s birthday party.  but baby showers put me over the edge and i didn’t want to ruin their day.

Post # 23
6360 posts
Bee Keeper

I wouldn’t go but that’s because I know myself and having had a couple of miscarriages each one is devasting and took me a bit to get over.  So no I wouldn’t be ready to go to another party where someone is announcing they are pregnant  Of course I’d be happy for them, but I wouldn’t be able to celebrate in their happiness just yet.

Post # 24
688 posts
Busy bee

If you’re really close with these people than I think you should go. But if they are just friends but not close friends then that’s a little different. I wouldn’t just not show up though. I think it would be best for you to call and explain that things like this are hard for you now and that you’re sorry you can’t make it. 

Post # 25
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I would just have your DH go and not show up. He can tell people that you’re sick or something if they ask. Stay strong!

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