(Closed) Friend’s Husband Cheating: to tell or not to tell?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: If you know that a friend's husband is cheating on her, would you let her know?
    Yes : (171 votes)
    81 %
    No : (18 votes)
    9 %
    Maybe (please explain) : (21 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7173 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    I would want to know if it was my husband doing the cheating – so, I vote ‘yes’.

    Post # 4
    Member
    1046 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2012

    If I found out someone was cheating on me and then found out my friend knew and didn’t tell me I’d be heartbroken x2.  =/

    Post # 5
    Member
    1667 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    I would only tell her if you had actual proof of it to show her, otherwise it could be turned around on you if she takes his side and doesn’t believe that he is cheating. Actual proof can’t be argued with.

    It’s tough, but yeah, i would tell one of my friends, no one deserves to be cheated on.

    Post # 6
    Member
    1723 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    I would tell her for sure.  I would want to know.  I would skip telling him first, because it might cause some unintended consequences.  I also think you need to have some sort of “proof” when you tell her or she might just think you’re being a biatch and side with her husband.  

    Post # 7
    Member
    2893 posts
    Sugar bee

    If I was being betrayed by my partner and my friend, who knew, never gave me a heads up, I’d only feel doubly betrayed. But I’d only also tell if I had proof. If it’s a “I heard that my friend’s friend’s cousin’s sister’s cooworker blah blah blah” I’d let it lie. But proof? Yeah. I’d tell. In a heartbeat.

    Post # 8
    Member
    76 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    If you decide to tell make sure you have all of your ducks in a row, such as hard evidence that the husband would not be able to deny (pictures, emails, ect). This can be a double edged sword, because you never know how your friend may take the news. Some have turned on those who were simply trying to look out for them thinking they were after the husband themselves, so just know it could go both ways, and although your intentions are good, the outcome may not be

    Post # 9
    Member
    4327 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: January 1992

    Yeah, I wouldn’t tell the guy I knew. Especially if he has a temper. He just might want to “shut you up” and I wouldn’t be willing to risk it. I’d just tell her with proof in hand. I would not tell her unless I had solid evidence of his philandering.

    Post # 10
    Member
    74 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: June 2011

    I think if you are absolutely sure your friend’s husband is cheating on her, then you should let her know.  As a friend, you should tell her.  Especially a true friend.  At the same time, I agree you should not get into other people business.  If it was me, I would let her know and that’s it.  It’s up to her to do whatever she want with that information.  I would tell her what I saw, what proof I have, and why I’m telling her.  If she does not want to believe me and she chooses to ignore it, that’s her business.  I did my part as a friend and that’s all I can do.  You would be surprise that when a woman hears from another woman that their man is cheating on them, so many woman instant thought is “She’s jealous of our marriage” or “Why would she lie to me like that”, etc.  Me personally, I would tell her and not push the issue any more.

    Post # 11
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I voted maybe because I think it depends on the friend and the strength (for lack of a better word) of your friendship.  I say this because I have had friendships that I truly thought were solid and unshakeable literally fall apart when bad news regarding their “significant other” was shared (i.e. – he’s cheating).  If you have no doubt that your friend will not turn around and resent you for telling her, then I say go ahead.  However, if you are not 100% sure, I might try talking to her a bit about her relationship and fidelity in general to see where she stands (and if she’s even aware of any trouble).  Perhaps you could ask how she would feel/what she would do/would she want to know if her significant other were cheating.  This will at least start the conversation and hopefully give you the green (or red) light that you need.  Good luck.

    Post # 12
    Member
    2192 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    Coming from someone whose first husband cheated and ppl around me knew…I voted “YES” tell her. I was heartbroken all over the place because so many ppl knew and no one said anything. It was horrible to feel that amt of hurt from so many different places not just from him.

    If you have real info to support your claim then she deserves to know.

    Post # 13
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    As a friend.. you tell the truth, even when it’s going to hurt b/c in the long run it’s for their benefit and you love them…

    Like my mom’s always said “I can deal with you hating b/c I did something.. I can’t deal with you hating me later b/c I didn’t”

    I would never approach him though… people who get caught or confronted about things tend to not be very nice and that wouldn’t be a good place to be. If anyone approached him it should be your husband.. or your husband with you.

    and like pp said I would have your proof… so that you can stand by that when he comes against it.. b/c even if you go straight to him and she confronts him it’s likely that he still try and deny it and confuse her or try and make it out like she’s crazy… she needs the proof.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9029 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    if you are very close wit this friend, and do have solid proof then yes. but you if you just “know” but dont have proof of it, I wouldnt  say anything about it. Or I would try to find a way for her to find out about it without me being the one telling her

    Post # 15
    Member
    1880 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    @KayNMonty2011: EXACTLY!  I see a lot of posters agree with telling the friend, but I really do think the OP should consider who her friend is and how rationally this friend will take this news coming from her.  I have had friends flip the script on ME when all I was trying to do was look out for my friend.  Just tread lightly is all.  I agree with the other posters that if you do tell you should have solid, undeniable proof.  Either way, be prepared for possible resentment (or, hopefully, undying gratitude).

    Post # 16
    Member
    5655 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2011

    Definitely agree with VegasSukie on the being prepared for it not to be taken well and her turning on you…

    It’s a hard place to be.. but I know that I could never know that someone I cared about was in a place to get hurt and not warn them or let them know… then again I’m prepared for them to hate me b/c of it…. and just keep my heart in a place that knows it was because I loved them.

    What she does with the information is up to her, but all you can do is love her, support her, and stand by her with the truth.

     

    The topic ‘Friend’s Husband Cheating: to tell or not to tell?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors