Friend's husband is dying…

posted 8 months ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
974 posts
Busy bee

So sad. An online friend of mine told me about a very close friend of hers that passed away suddenly leaving her husband and three kids (the youngest was still breastfeeding) and all I could do was cry for those people – the baby especially. For days. It makes you feel so helpless. And that’s as an outsider –  not even knowing those people personally. I can’t even imagine it being closer – like a friend or family. Life can be so, so cruel. 

Making meals, helping with the kids – those things are so helpful. 

Post # 17
Member
45642 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

anonybee2016 :  If you are closer tot he sister, then you have the ideal person to keep in touch with. The sister will need support too.

Post # 18
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2007

i’m so sorry about you friend and her husband. My husband just died after a long illness and I was his primary caregiver. We were very emotionally connected. He was my very first friend as a child. All I can say is just be yourself and be there for both of them. Other than family, I only let a core group of friends come to visit. My husband went from a manly man down to 85 pounds. He was embarrassed. I did have two of his closest friends run interference for me and they returned a lot of phone calls for me and made phone calls to people my husband really cared about. Maybe that is something you could do. 

We had a hospice nurse that was a really good fit for us.  That is important for us.  We had several home healthcare nurses that we really didn’t like.  Our hospice nurse will always be in my life going forward.  

Since my husband’s death, I still have the same core group of friends seeing me through this horrible time. I will tell you that even though I knew he was going to die, I was totally not prepared for his death. Knowing your spouse is going to die does not ease the pain once they are gone. Plus, nobody really knows what to say. My friends just seem to know when I need to talk and when I need to stay in bed for two days  

I am not a group kind of person and I don’t go to church but I have started going to a grief support group at a church close by my house. You could do some research to see what might be available in your area if that is something she might like to try. Everyone really does grieve in their own way. 

Prayers for you and your friends. This will be a long haul and my heart goes out to you. 

BTW, I’ve been lurking here for several years. A couple of years ago I wanted to reset a three stone ring into a different vintage setting. I’ve been looking at all your beautiful rings ever since. I want all of you lovely ladies to be happy. Tell your SO how much you love them every day because you never know when your last day with them will be. 

Post # 19
Member
8120 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

anothernewbee16 :  I am sorry for your loss. Arghh the god has a plan comments are the worst, even worse when you are the ill one recieving them.

farmfreshjoy :  I am sending positive thoughts your way. The waiting is terrible right! I have an inoperable tumour and constantly have that wait after tests to see if the drugs are working or if the disease is progressing.

 

anonybee2016 :  can you spend some time with her husband and she can go out. This way you might be able to make some videos for her and her kids with messages from him. He might not be up to it but it can’t hurt to ask if it is something he might like to do. 

Also letting her know that she can call you anytime day or night to talk or express herself might be good. Most people in these situations feel like they have to hold it together for the dying person and everyone else so letting them know they have a safe space to lose it in can be good.

Post # 20
Member
8120 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Lizard1766 :  I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for taking the time to post to the OP.

Post # 21
Member
795 posts
Busy bee

I am so so very sorry to hear this. My younger brother is 25 and was diagnosed with a glioblastoma (aggressive grade 4 brain cancer) 5 months ago. Average prognosis is 14 months. He had a successful surgery, is recovering well, and is in a promising clinical trial, but we know it’s only a matter of time before it comes back because that’s the nature of GBM. There’s no cure. There’s no way to stop it. It is the most awful, horrible pain my family has ever felt, and it’s not fair that young people face terminal cancer like this. I have cried every single day since he went to the hospital. It’s a horror that’s hard to understand until you’re facing it. 

Do everything in your power to be there for her. Talk to her, or don’t if she doesn’t want to. Just be her friend in whatever way that means. One of the most awful parts about this terrible journey is how afraid people are to deal with death and grief. So many close family friends have dropped off the face of the planet because they don’t know how to repond when my mom breaks the news, and that hurts so deeply. Please don’t be that person for your friend. Don’t let the awkwardness of talking about terminal cancer stand in the way of what your friend is experiencing. It’s okay to say the wrong things sometimes – everyone who hasn’t dealt with this kind of thing does – but do your best to present, mindful, and kind. 

Post # 24
Member
2472 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

So sorry to see your update.  Keep doing what you are doing by supporting your friend and her family during this time.  Stay there for them, this is when they need you most.  You seem like a really great friend.

Post # 25
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

anonybee2016 :  my heart just dropped for you, your friend, their family, just all around anybody touched by your friend’s husband, my heart hurts for you all. I’m so sorry to see this update. 

I do think you and your friends are incredible and you have no idea what your gestures are doing for your friend in this time. She is so very lucky to have you all. Best wishes to you all and may he rest in peace. 

Post # 26
Member
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

I’m so sorry Bee.  This is incredibly sad, but your friend is so lucky to have your support.

Post # 27
Member
1115 posts
Bumble bee

So sorry to hear this update,  but you sound like a very kind and thoughtful friend. You have my admiration for that. 

Post # 28
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

So sad to read the update.  Keep helping your friend, Bee, people like you and your friends are more rare than you realise. Xx

Post # 29
Member
1970 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Oh what a very sad update. My heart breaks for his family.

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