(Closed) Friends husband keeps hitting on me. Do I tell my husband??

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 35
310 posts
Helper bee

Yeah, you’re definitely overreacting.  Listen to the countless previous posters who have said so.

Post # 36
437 posts
Helper bee

EllasGrace20:  I agree that he hasn’t blatantly hit on you. However, if this woman is as dominant as you say (I am similar), there’s no way she is oblivious. So if she isn’t worried about it, I certainly wouldn’t. I would, however, say something like “Tess, does he talk to all of your friends this way? Are you ok with that?” as a response to his next creepy remark. And I would be sure to say it in front of him, immediately and without batting an eye.

You are an adult, and you can try handle this without your husband backing you (unless this man says something way out of line). If that doesn’t work, then involve the husband. 

Post # 37
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

EllasGrace20:  what a crazy thread. I cannot believe how many people are telling you not to tell your husband!

*Anything* is open for discussion with my husband, unless it’s told in confidence (which 99% of the time is “girl stuff”). Absolutely, 100% tell your husband. How can keeping secrets from your husband be healthy? Tell him all the details, and the two of you can work out a plan of action.

It doesn’t matter if this guy is meaning to hit on you or not. If it makes you uncomfortable, you want to (a) put a stop to it, and (b) tell your husband about it, for support and understanding.

Post # 38
12308 posts
Sugar Beekeeper

I’ve known guys who were known for making what I’d consider inappropriate jokes in front of their wives.  But the jokes were never around just the women  and not their husbands.  So yeah, between that and the persistent offer of the ride home, I’d probably start to at least wonder. 

I think anything is possible here.  It’s just hard to have better instincts for the situation without being there.   Bottom line, either he’s not hitting on you at all, he’s hitting  on you with or without his wife’s knowledge or approval, or trying to make her jealous in a passive aggressive way. 

 As for the wife, she could have come across as  uneasy because she’s worried about your reaction to bein hit on with her permission, just the opposite, or none of the above.    I’m not exactly sure I’d tell H I was “uncomfortable” based on these  ambiguous examples, because I’m not necessarily sure I would be, but I might say that I  think their relationship is kind of screwed up and why.

Post # 39
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

EllasGrace20:  I have to agree with PPs– nothing he said here is throwing out super red flags that he’s hitting on you.  Maybe he really is just socially awkward, maybe it’s just how he is…..

He hasn’t crossed any boundries in my opinion– and it seems like you and Tess are still good friends.  So she must not feel any ill-towards you….and doesn’t mind you being around her husband– which means she’s comfortable with his behavior towards you.

Not all woman would appreciate those comments towards other woman from thier husband– I understand that.  But again, maybe this is just how he is.

I think you might be reading into it a little much.

Post # 40
1521 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

EllasGrace20:  I have to disagree with a lot of the PPs. I think if it is making you uncomfortable you should talk to your husband about it. I don’t think it’s healthy to keep secrets from each other, even if it doesn’t seem like a big thing. 

A close friend of mine has a husband who has been pretty flirtatious with me. I was going to give some examples of some of the instances, but in writing it doesn’t seem like much. Sometimes it’s not what’s said, but how it’s said and in what context. 

I don’t think you should blow it out of proportion, but if you have a weird feeling about it, trust your instincts. Talk to your husband and set out some boundaries that you feel comfortable with.

Post # 41
656 posts
Busy bee

I think it’s absolutely hilarious how many people think this guy wasn’t hitting on her when he asked her join him in the shower. If someone said that to me I’d definitely think of it as far more than a strange comment. A strange comment is “I hate that it’s sunny”, or “your ring is ugly/cheap/whatever”, NOT “join me in the shower”! 

I would also recommend talking to your husband about it. Keeping things in can often build up stress and create more anxiety… I always feel a thousand times better after I’ve talked to my guy about something that’s bothering me.

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