(Closed) Friend's husband….I don't want to invite him, do I have to?

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 18
Member
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

You should let her bring him Now that they’re trying to work it out.

But let this be the only time you accept that.  If, for example, a month before your wedding she says she is coming alone because thinga didn’t pan out, and then two weeks later asks again if she bring him because they’re going to try again…  Then I think you have grounds to say he can’t come.

Post # 19
Member
14159 posts
Honey Beekeeper

Agreeing with everyone that it would be inappropriate not to invite him now that they are back together again. 

Post # 22
Member
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Hate to say it but I also think you should invite him. As much as you don’t want him there, I think it is the right thing to do.

Post # 23
Member
1632 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Will allowing her to now to bring her husband cause a financial hardship on you? After all you created your guest list and budget based on the circumstances she laid out to you  when invitations were sent. 

I remember my husband was invited to a wedding without a plus one. We fell in love and were engaged prettyquickly. I wasn’t offended or expected him/ the couple to all of a sudden invite me because his circumstances changed after the invites were sent.

Post # 24
Member
9538 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think that you should be a good friend. In this case, that seems to mean inviting this guy. She’s your good friend and she asked and they’re married and trying to work on things. Invite him. You don’t have to spend time with him or anything like that. But it’s the right thing to do for your friend.

Post # 25
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

@March1stBride:  I’m sorry, I get where you’re coming from but yes, you have to invite him.  Not just because of etiquette but because of your friend.  Telling her you don’t want him around would be both hurtful and insulting to her and if she’s your friend, she deserves your support.  

He may elect not to come but even if he does, he’ll probably fade into the background.  Trust me, this dude will barely register on your radar on your wedding day.  

If he shows up, paste a smile on your face, greet him politely, thank him for coming, make nice for a few seconds and then pretty much forget about him the rest of the night.  

Post # 26
Member
1077 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Greenbrier Country Club

You can try and say something like, “Oh man, let me get more RSVPs and I’ll let you know. I may be at capacity.”

You prob should invite him though. I honestly don’t think he will be a huge stink.

Post # 28
Member
2608 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014 - Madison, WI

Yes, you need to invite him and you made the right call in doing so now. It’s not ideal but hopefully on the day you won’t really notice or care.

I’d rather not have invited some of my friends husbands either but I did because I knew I had to. One has been arrested for brining two loaded guns into a hospital while visiting his wife (my friend) there and has been mentally abusive to her. She’s talked about divorcing him but I don’t think she will…I’m hoping he declines to come. Her parents are also invited and he refuses to speak to them because they refused to pay for him to get a lawyer and told him if he needed money he could sell his truck. He said that they might as well have told him to die (over dramatic much?) so I hope he stays home and she comes with her parents.

Another friend, I actually like her husband, so that wasn’t the issue but I felt awkward about it because I knew she was cheating on him! I thought they were headed to a divorce to but I guess she won’t because it’s too much confrontation. Thankfully her cheating has stopped for now, but I really felt for awhile it would be horribly awkward. But they’re all invited and I’m sure I won’t be focused on their problems on my big day. 🙂

Post # 30
Member
1344 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

View original reply
@March1stBride:  I’m sure if your friend can get over those issues then you can too- for your friend’s sake. I’m glad that’s what you did.

Also, I figured it was a pretty safe bet that he wasn’t harming her, because that’s something that is actually relevent to the story and really should have been included because if he is violent, he may harm other guests, in which case I would think he’d actually be the exception to the “always invite the partner” rule. 

 

Post # 31
Member
1119 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@March1stBride:  Erm… how do you feel about lying…? Can you simply tell her you’ve already given your numbers to the caterer/venue and it’s too late to add him in?

Maybe ask your fiance; see what he thinks.

ETA: Whoops, just saw the update. Glad you sorted it out.

 

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