(Closed) Friends I have not talked to in years ask if they are invited to the wedding

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Buttercup014:  If you originally wanted to invite Julia, I would send an invite to Julia + guest. That way she wont be alone if she would like to see you get married. If she chooses to bring Erik, then great, if not, I wouldn’t invite Erik or anyone else that you weren’t planning on inviting in the first place (just because they asked).

Post # 3
730 posts
Busy bee

It does sound like they’re behaving poorly. Here is where you draw the line: Do you want this person at your wedding? Does your Fiance want this person at your wedding?


That’s it. Jake’s not coming. You don’t have to invite Eric or Julia either. Please draw some boundaries!

Post # 4
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

This friend Erik is being very rude.  This isn’t a high school party it’s a wedding.  I would just say that you’re on a budget and you can’t invite everybody.  You don’t owe this guy anything, if he’s angry then it’s his problem.

Post # 5
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Buttercup014:  This Erik guy needs to butt out. Who is he to start asking you to invite other people? It isn’t a high school reunion or BBQ this is your wedding. The only people you should be inviting are people you love and have supported you and your relationship and you want to celebrate with. I would just ignore his requests. Don’t be pressured to invite people who aren’t in your life anymore. 

Post # 6
47209 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

“I’m sorry, but we are not able to extend an invitation to everyone we would like to join us on our wedding day.”

Post # 7
727 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I agree with the others – you can not please everyone during the planning process and people you used to be friends with should not be a priority. If you want Julia you can give her a plus one, so she is not alone and she can bring Erik or Jake or whoever. Some people! 

Post # 8
64 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Erik is indeed bad news. He is immature and has severe boundary issues. Stay away.


Post # 9
1792 posts
Buzzing bee

I admit when I was younger and didn’t realize how expensive weddings were, I did ask if I was invited to 2 different weddings like your distant friends. I was genuinely happy for these couples and wanted to celebrate with them since I had known them for years. And with facebook/myspace it didn’t feel like we had grown apart eventho we didn’t hang out hardly ever in person- guess I was dillusional, maybe I cared more about the friendships than they did. This was a big life lesson for me.

From my experience, just please do not laugh/joke it off or be passive aggressive about not inviting them. Be direct and tell them you’re on a tight budget so the wedding has to be more intimate so you don’t currently have any invites left but maybe if people decline rsvps you can invite them. The worst thing my friends did was avoid telling me anything b/c they were “trying to be nice” but leaving me in the dark wasn’t nice at all, I would have respected the truth and still been happy for them. Instead I just felt disrespected and sad, unfriended them on facebook, and I ran into 1 couple in public later- they acted all happy to see me and like we were still friends… I thought we had moved to acquaintence status, right? I curtly walked away from that ‘friendship’ physically and literally. LOL so just tell these people the truth please, don’t make them bitter and mean like me.

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