Post # 1
So I have this old friend from highschool who we will call Julia. We were really close but rarely hung out outside of school because we did not have many mutal friends. We did have this one mutal friend who we will call Erik. Julia and I have not talked much in the last 4 years and Erik started to become really nasty so I kept my distant from him in highschool. Eriks Dad recently died so I sent my condolences and we started talking a bit. He asked if I had sent out inviitations. I told him I didn’t. He asked if him and Julia were on the guest list. At that point they were not. I wanted to invite Julia but since she was not friends with any of my friends in highschool I did not want her to feel uncomfortable not knowing anyone so I did not put her on the guest list. I told Erik that and he said well invite them both so she is not alone. I am sort of a pushover. And I did really want her there so I said ok. A few days later Erik text me and says that Jake wants to come too so could I invite him. Jake is a old elementary school friend that I have not talked to since grade 10. That was almost 7 years ago! I can not invite every single person I was once close with. I have also had people from college ask when I am sending the invites. I feel like all of these people I used to be close with just want to come to a wedding. Where do I draw the line without hurting peoples feelings?
This topic was modified 4 years, 8 months ago by Buttercup014.
Post # 2
Buttercup014: If you originally wanted to invite Julia, I would send an invite to Julia + guest. That way she wont be alone if she would like to see you get married. If she chooses to bring Erik, then great, if not, I wouldn’t invite Erik or anyone else that you weren’t planning on inviting in the first place (just because they asked).
Post # 3
It does sound like they’re behaving poorly. Here is where you draw the line: Do you want this person at your wedding? Does your Fiance want this person at your wedding?
That’s it. Jake’s not coming. You don’t have to invite Eric or Julia either. Please draw some boundaries!
Post # 4
This friend Erik is being very rude. This isn’t a high school party it’s a wedding. I would just say that you’re on a budget and you can’t invite everybody. You don’t owe this guy anything, if he’s angry then it’s his problem.
Post # 5
Buttercup014: This Erik guy needs to butt out. Who is he to start asking you to invite other people? It isn’t a high school reunion or BBQ this is your wedding. The only people you should be inviting are people you love and have supported you and your relationship and you want to celebrate with. I would just ignore his requests. Don’t be pressured to invite people who aren’t in your life anymore.
Post # 6
“I’m sorry, but we are not able to extend an invitation to everyone we would like to join us on our wedding day.”
Post # 7
I agree with the others – you can not please everyone during the planning process and people you used to be friends with should not be a priority. If you want Julia you can give her a plus one, so she is not alone and she can bring Erik or Jake or whoever. Some people!
Post # 8
Erik is indeed bad news. He is immature and has severe boundary issues. Stay away.
Post # 9
I admit when I was younger and didn’t realize how expensive weddings were, I did ask if I was invited to 2 different weddings like your distant friends. I was genuinely happy for these couples and wanted to celebrate with them since I had known them for years. And with facebook/myspace it didn’t feel like we had grown apart eventho we didn’t hang out hardly ever in person- guess I was dillusional, maybe I cared more about the friendships than they did. This was a big life lesson for me.
From my experience, just please do not laugh/joke it off or be passive aggressive about not inviting them. Be direct and tell them you’re on a tight budget so the wedding has to be more intimate so you don’t currently have any invites left but maybe if people decline rsvps you can invite them. The worst thing my friends did was avoid telling me anything b/c they were “trying to be nice” but leaving me in the dark wasn’t nice at all, I would have respected the truth and still been happy for them. Instead I just felt disrespected and sad, unfriended them on facebook, and I ran into 1 couple in public later- they acted all happy to see me and like we were still friends… I thought we had moved to acquaintence status, right? I curtly walked away from that ‘friendship’ physically and literally. LOL so just tell these people the truth please, don’t make them bitter and mean like me.