(Closed) Friends negative towards our early engagement

posted 7 years ago in Proposals
Post # 31
Member
8458 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

It’s called a honeymoon phase for a reason.

Post # 32
Member
2850 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
Samipring:  

My husband and I were engaged after 20 months and some people thought that was too soon.

It is often best not to make any serious commitments like marriage during the honeymoon stage of a relationship. If you are so sure that this man is right for you, why the need to rush into marriage?

I try to be supportive of my friends’ relationships as everyone is different. I have a friend who was engaged after two weeks and she and her husband have been married for six years. She had a two year engagement though. 

I think that your friends are concerned that you may be making a hasty decision. Try to see it from their point of view as well. They aren’t negative just because you’re engaged…it is because you and your fiance barely know each other. 

Post # 33
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

My parents dated only about 6 months before getting engaged. Over the last 20 years, my dad has changed from whatever she thought she knew to a completely different person. They’re still married, but they’re not blissfully happy with each other.

In the 7 years I’ve been dating Fiance, he’s changed completely too, as have I. We’re not even sort of the same people we used to be, and we’re still learning things about ourselves and each other. 

Getting engaged after a few months is stupid, you barely know each other. You’re in the honeymoon phase and when that ends you’ll be in for a big shock if you end up already married to someone you don’t even know. How fun will it be to not only realize you spent all that money on a wedding AND then have to go through a divorce if things go seriously South when the honeymoon phase ends?

This sounds like one of those Duggar engagements, they meet for the first time, get engaged and have a wedding all in the span of about 8 months. 

Post # 34
Member
3292 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I disagree with everyone. While it’s rare, I think it is possible to know after just a few months. If I were your friend is support you, unless I saw some nasty qualities in your Fiance that gave me reservations. 

Post # 35
Member
682 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think it’s fair for your friends to be concerned about you moving so quickly. Most people will tell you that you couldn’t possibly know someone until you’ve been with them for “x amount of years”. If you were 17 years old, yeah, I’d tell you to cool your jets. But you’re both adults and are free to live as you please.

DH and I were engaged 25 days after we started dating. While the majority of our friends and family were thrilled, I could still see some puzzled faces and judging eyes. But, you brush it off. Every relationship is different, everybody’s story is different, and not all marriages are doomed to fail because you didn’t wait 2 years, 3 months, and 17 days to get engaged/married. Congratulations to you!!

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 11 months ago by rcac1208.
Post # 36
Member
360 posts
Helper bee

From personal experience I think that ppl shouldn’t judge because I’m sure they have done some pretty crazy stuff in their lives. You gotta make yourself happy life is too short! 

Edit 

I’d like to add that I knew my SO was the one for me after our first date and we both wanted to live together after 2 weeks of dating. We did wait 6 months until we moved in together, but we lived in eachothers pockets until that time. 

And I can honestly say I have never been so happy. He is the most wonderful man I’ve ever met….. he does have a fault though..  he’s soooo messy!

Post # 37
Member
1817 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would react the same way as your friends. Don’t take it too hard, it is their job to look out for you.

Post # 38
Member
6331 posts
Bee Keeper

Your friends are just looking out for your best interest, and they don’t know how you feel exactly. Sometimes people just know early on, but oftentimes, it takes a while to really get to know a person. Time will tell. If it’s real, the love should transcend all that stuff anyway.

Post # 39
Member
7531 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Whilst I think the timeline is a factor in your friend’s negativity, I think it would be the fact that it started as an affair coupled with moving so fast that might be concerning them. Someone who has an affair is showing a lack of judgement therefore it should be expected that your friends are questioning your judgement on your current relationship.

Post # 40
Member
36 posts
Newbee

Not going to lie, I swear this OP was a friend of mine. Your post/name fit her to a T. If it is you, then I’m likely one of those “negative” friends your making this thread about.

However, even if you are someone else, I still agree with the PPs that are saying your friends are only looking out for your best interest. I’m sure that they would love to feel happy and excited about this all too, but they are thinking on a more rational level and are worried that you’re rushing into things (especially if your marriage is coming up in the next 5-9 months instead of the date of June 2017 you have listed). 

Also should mention, even if your friends are “younger” and not at the same stage in life as you, that shouldn’t discredit their concerns. Wisdom does not neceasarily come with age. Your friends have known you for years vs. a guy who has known you for a few months. Getting out of one relationship and jumping into another with wedding bells on your mind this early would be enough to make any GOOD friend worry. You should be thankful you have honest friends that look out for your best interest. However, if you do choose to ignore their concerns and you’re comfortable burning bridges with them permanently and even going so far as to ending friendships because they aren’t “excited” enough for you (not saying you are), then by all means go ahead with your plans and do whatever you want. You are an adult. 

I’m not trying to sound like I’m dogging on you, but from personal experience I say take your time. You’re in the honeymoon/puppy love phase now – ENJOY IT – if this guy is truly meant to be, you don’t need to rush into anything major.

Just be mindful, as 

View original reply
KC-2722 said, “Just because you’ve been swept up in a whirlwind romance, doesn’t mean they have to be sucked up with you.”

 

Post # 41
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

Honestly you should be more concerned that you guys can’t tell your dad because permission wasn’t asked yet. That to me sounds like this wasn’t completely thought out or discussed and I would have the same thoughts as your friends. At any rate its not like being engaged means you have to get married right away and for all we know it could be a life long fulfilled marriage. 

Post # 42
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

I would feel the same way if a friend of mine did that; so just know that that will be the common reaction and keep going with it if that’s what you want. Then you’ll be pleasantly surprised when someone reacts positively rather than get continually disappointed when they don’t.

I hope everything works out, do a long engagement by the way if possible..just to balance things out.

Post # 43
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

From their perspective, you’ve been dating him for two weeks (as in you told them officially two weeks ago).  And now you’re engaged.

I’m all for making your own decisions, but I also like to joke that you can’t marry someone without seeing them in every season (midwest USA).  It’s all fun in the sun in July, but you also have to be able to deal with being couped up in the bitter cold of January.

Post # 44
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

We got engage at 8 months and now  been together for 3 yrs. I feel like we are still in our honeymoon stage. Lol Its different for everyone and sometimes you just know. I was also seeing someone when I met my DH, but knew before the other guy was wrong for me. Broke it off as soon as I met DH. Even though I was going to break up with him anyways, just did it sooner than later and DH knew. I don’t think it’s a big deal that you’re engage,  I’ll just say wait at least a year to get married. 

Post # 45
Member
7225 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I am a firm believer that every relationship moves to the beat of a different drum. Some people are only comfortable after being together for a long time, others are not. My husband and I met in college, but we weren’t really friends. More like good aquaintances, dated briefly (one date), remained friends until a few months later he joined the Navy. I didn’t speak to him til seven years later. We began dating seriously. Three months into our relationship, I moved 1,200 miles from my only friends and family to a state I had only visited once to live with him. Four months after that, we were engaged. A hair short of a month after that, we were married.

 

We’ll be married two years this December. We’ve been together for a total of three years. Sometimes when you know, you know.

 

I understand your friend’s worry. If the situation was the reverse, you’d understand it, too. But at the end of the day, you need to live your life the way you feel it needs to be lived. If this feels right, it feels right. I don’t think it’s a big deal. Take as long as an engagement as you think you need.

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