(Closed) Friend’s premature “planning” – Rant

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
5889 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

why are you friends with this girl? it sounds like you deep down don’t really like a lot about her anyway.  honestly, i’d distance myself, cancel the bridal show (which you were having second thoughts about before any of this anyways) and stop talking wedding with this girl.  she sounds like an attention whore and maybe even a bit nutso.

Post # 4
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Why are you continuing to hang out with someone you obviously can’t stand?


Post # 5
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

We all have a nut bag friend that we don’t understand why we’re friends with them at all. Have you told her how you feel about it?

“Sandra, I’m truly happy you’ve found someone you’re happy with. Right now, my wedding is very important to me and I would like to focus on that. When your proposal happens I’ll be just as happy for you, but right now I have to focus on what’s going on with my event.”

Post # 6
142 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I have a friend like this, I do like her but it is driving me mad that she has planned every last detail for her wedding (including trying on wedding dresses) and he hasn’t even asked her yet. I asked her to come to a wedding fair last year at my reception venue and she decided thats where she wants it so she picked up a wedding pack and started crunching numbers for her wedding!

I will support her and help as much as I can when she gets engaged (not that she’ll need it at this rate) but I do not like that she has so much planned before any sign of a ring, especially not when she says she will help me with something about my wedding then spends the whole time speaking about “hers”

I have had a friend in the past who did a similar thing and it turned out her pertner was not being sneaky to plan the proposal as she suspected but because he had a mistress she was devastated and I think the fact she planned the wedding made it worse.

Could you talk to Angela about it? mention how you read this story^^ and you didn’t want Sandra to be that upset if it doesn’t work out and he doesn’t propose after all 2 months is very early

Post # 7
868 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Seriously?  Life is too short for this drama.  

Do yourself a favor and cut these people out of your life.  

Post # 8
1577 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You can’t really be mad at the girl for being who she is… it sounds like you’ve known she was this way for a long time.  It really just sounds like you shouldn’t be friends.  I don’t get the vibe that you really like her very much.  If she wants to plan for her wedding this early, that’s her business.  If you don’t like it, just don’t put yourself in the position to hear about it because there’s really nothing else you can do.  She seems pretty set on going ahead with her plans & you can’t make other people be who you want them to be or act a certain way.  Just distance yourself from her & if she asks why, tell her.

Post # 9
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

The solution is to stop hanging out with her. No one is forcing you to go to coffee with her twice a month. There seems to be nothing about her that you like, and you don’t have anything in common with her. You have more control than you think, and just as you internally give her advice (“she should take control to change her situation!”)…you should be taking your own.

Re the show: First talk to Angela and ask her if she’s okay with it just being you two. If she wants Sandra there, well, just make sure this doesn’t happen again. If she’s fine with Sandra not being there…then have the guts to tell Sandra “I haven’t had a lot of alone time with Angela, and I sort of wanted to do this with just her, as she is my Maid/Matron of Honor.” If she gets pissed, well you didn’t want her as a friend anyway. 

Post # 10
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@MelnChris:  “We all have a nut bag friend that we don’t understand why we’re friends with them at all.”

Not all of us! I don’t have the time or energy to waste on people who make every interaction all about them. A one sided friendship must be exhausting.

Post # 12
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Why are you livid that she’s “pre-planning”? It might be annoying but… it makes you angry? I mean maybe they’ve talked about getting married, maybe they haven’t. You had to wait 2 years, maybe she won’t. Although it sounds like she has a hard time sticking with one guy! So why let it upset you… this is probably a short-lived phase.

To be honest, I did a bit of pre-planning… and I think most girls do a bit. I assume she’s not booking vendors or something really crazy like that. I would say 50% of my unmarried friends on Pinterest have boards called “if it ever happens” or “maybe one day” filled with dress or decor ideas – some of these girls aren’t even dating right now!

It sounds like you’re upset that you’re not getting more attention from her for being engaged. Understandable!  And that she’s kinda moving in on your spotlight time. It’s fun to be the center of attention, sure it stinks but I’m also sure you realize the more grown-up thing is to not let it bother you.

Post # 13
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@musicalrose:  First of all, your Maid/Matron of Honor handled that very well!

Also…do you have to be friends with her? I know there are some friends it’s harder to get rid of because you’re all in the same circle of friends, but she sounds really self-centered and irritating. Just handle it with grace and let it go as much as possible, or cut her out. Those are really the only two options other than having a psycho-bride moment with her and telling her to stfu. Lol.

Post # 14
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I think for your sanity, and because this girls seems to be annoying, that you keep her at arm’s length, and don’t worry about what she doing or planning as that is her prerogative.  I don’t get how she is hijacking your experience? I’ve seen other bees say some version of this and its good advice, you get one day, not a whole year or however long it takes you to plan your wedding.

My advice to you is if you truly feel she is a negative then do not invite her to your wedding stuff. Take your time and enjoy it with the friends and family members who you know you won’t get on your nerves. But I think it’s important for us Brides to have a little empathy and to keep things in perceptive and remember that people have exciting and important things going in their lives which our weddings and engagements don’t trump.  While on the surface you seem annoyed at her for wedding stuff, maybe she just gets on your nerves and isn’t your cup of tea, so you can just distance yourself from her.

Post # 15
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Magdalena:  I completely agree with all of this.  Why do you care so much about what she does?

Post # 16
252 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I feel bad for Sandra. It sounds like she really considers you and Angela to be good friends, that she can trust and confide in. Clearly, this is not the case. Maybe you should let her know that there is no “deep connection”. If you only consider her an aquaintence, tell her. Don’t string her along.

I think you’re being a little judgemental and a little self absorbed. I don’t read “TRYING TO STEAL MY SPOTLIGHT!!!” so much as I see “she thinks it would be fun to hang out with Angela and I”. 

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