- 6 years ago
- Wedding: January 2014
Back story: Two years ago my best friend was married in a lavish ceremony. She had a huge bridal party, 9 BMs and I was one of two MOHs. The other Maid/Matron of Honor, another long time friend of the bride, we’ll call Sandra. Well the bride, whom we’ll call Angela, moved to live 2hrs away with her hubby, and Sandra and I still live in our hometown. In a way we’ve become close. We go out about twice a month for coffee or drinks but it’s not an extremely close friendship. There are some fundamental character traits she has that I don’t warm to. I’ve been with my Fiance the entire time I’ve known her, she on the other hand runs through men like poop through a goose (sorry). She complains about her life and how she’s not happy with a lot of aspects, I’m thinking “well then do something about it, take control”. She also likes to be in the centre of every conversation. For instance, after Fiance and I made our engagement public our, at our first meeting she proceeded to tell me all about her new beau and their planned trips and how she feels about him for a good 15 minutes before she finally broke away with “OMG! Let me see the ring”. Really? I called Angela and was like are you serious? An engagement is a BIG deal, meeting another guy at the bar…not so much!!! Angela calmed me down…after all this is only another “flavour of the week”. Fast forward a month! Flavour of the week’s been in Sandra’s life now for nearly 2 months. Angela hasn’t met him yet, nor have I.
Well, yesterday Sandra and I get together and her first question surprisingly was “how’s the wedding planning going?” Awesome, I’m thinking! Maybe Angela talked to her about sensitivity, or maybe she realised this is important to me. No, No, No… She proceeds to spend the next hour talking about how amazing this new guy is and how she’s never felt this way about a guy before (heard that before) and lays out their entire wedding plan. Including pictures of the ring she wants, the dress she loves, their centrepieces and a date she wants for it to happen. Aug, 2013!?
She then proceeds to tell me she called Angela and they got talking about wedding planning and the topic of wedding shows came up. I was planning to attend the show in the city Angela (who is my MOH) lives in April as a bonding experience and girls day out. That of course came out and she’s basically invited herself, saying she’d love to come for “ideas” and Angela would be her choice for her Maid/Matron of Honor so it would be great because she could “see both our styles at once”. I’m getting silently livid. I mean, you’ve been with this guy for less then two months and there is NO ring on your flipping finger!!! I’m going to this show to research for my “real” wedding and I just know if she comes it will become all about her and her “ideal” vision for what is still a fantasy marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I knew after 2 months I wanted to be with my Fiance, but I still waited nearly 2 years to be given the gift from him to go ahead and start planning our day. Oh, and in that entire conversation I didn’t once get a word in edgewise about my wedding plans or for that matter, the fact I’m now rethinking the whole wedding show idea. This is the only show that Angela and I can attend together, as she’s just passed her first trimester with her first child. The next show she’ll be close to full term and after that there’ll be a wee one to wheel around.
So, how do I cope with this?? If she has met the one, I’m happy for Sandra. I’m not even upset she’s planning a date before mine as from what I’ve heard we have completely different ideas for our wedding day. I think for me, it’s the ring thing. Yes, we all have visions for our “big day”. Yes, we all secretly drool over a dream dress. Yes, most of us know when we meet our future husband. No, most of us don’t start the former planning process until after the proposal has been made. Right? I honestly believe that’s my beef with this entire situation. It would be fun to have a planning buddy to bounce ideas off of and I know it must be hard to be the last of a group to get married. That said, I can’t help but feel like my experience is being hijacked by a wannabe bride. How do I handle this without coming off as the unrealistic, super selfish, beyotch in this scenario?