(Closed) Friend's ring from a previous engagement

posted 5 years ago in Rings
  • poll: What should I do with the rings?
    Get rid of them : (21 votes)
    30 %
    Keep them even if it bothers me to have them : (8 votes)
    12 %
    Try and find a mutual friend to return them to her : (27 votes)
    39 %
    Other? (Please explain below) : (13 votes)
    19 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    5093 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    I would just contact her and tell her you’re trying to clear things out and ask what she wants you to do.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3668 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    @juliette.eliza:  I agree that you shouldn’t get rid of them since they’re not yours. I don’t know if I’d have a mutual friend return them, either. Since she knows that you know her husband has an issue with her keeping those rings, and you and her husband don’t get along, she may think you’re trying to start trouble. I think you should just call her, mention casually that you found the rings while cleaning out your jewelry box, and ask if she wants them back/what you should do with them. Ugh, so awkward… it’s like giving stuff back after a breakup 🙁

    Post # 5
    Member
    2609 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Email/facebook her and ask her what she’d like you to do with them.  Personally I’d probably want you to pawn them and meet me for coffee to catch up/give me the cheque.

    Post # 6
    Member
    5425 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I would just get rid of them.  Its sad to say,  Assuming he’s still as controlling as he was when they first got together, you returning them would just stir things up since he already thought they were disposed of.

    Post # 8
    Member
    98 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    Yeah, asking your friend what she’d prefer seems like the best way to go. If you can’t get ahold of her and feel awkward about keeping the rings, you could sell them. If you’re awkward about keeping the money, donate it to a charity in your friend’s name.

     

    Post # 9
    Member
    1043 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    @GreenEyedMoon:  This.  

    I don’t know if the rings have any value, but every state will have a limit on the length of time you’re required to keep someone else’s property before it becomes yours (provided you’ve given them notice of course).  I believe for most states it’s 30 days.  Send her an email/text, wait 30 days (or however long) and then move on.  It’s really nice of you to even question this, most people would have sold them long ago!

    EDIT – I see that you have no way to contact her.  If the rings have value, just call your local police department and ask for their advice.  🙂  They can tell you if there’s some sort of legal requirement to track her down.  And if the rings aren’t valuable, then screw it.  She should have contacted you long ago if she wanted them back.

    Post # 10
    Member
    429 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: January 2013

    I would just get rid of them. Giving them to her now (even if you had a way to contact her) would just create problems with her and her husband if he ever saw them since he thinks theyre long gone. She probably doesnt even know you still have them to be honest with you and you shouldnt have to hold onto someone else’s stuff if you dont want anything to do with it

    Post # 12
    Member
    11327 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2011

    @juliette.eliza:  if you were that close… do you know where her parents live/their number? I’d call them for contact info. At least an addresss if not a number, so you could send a letter?

    Post # 13
    Member
    1042 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2013

    That’s a tough situation, escpecially after your update. Could you ask a mutual friend if she thinks it would be a good idea to return them to her? Maybe she knows more about their current relationship, and could guage if he would get mad or not.

    If that falls through, however, I think the only thing you can really do is sell them. Then, you could give the money to a charity or organization that would have been/is important to her.

    Post # 14
    Member
    9556 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Honestly, it seems better for everyone involved if you just get rid of them. Returning them would likely cause problems for your friend and would be difficult for you to do since you can’t get ahold of her. And it’s been years. She clearly doesn’t want them. So sell them. No harm, no foul.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2032 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If you honestly have no way to contact her (no phone number, anything) then I would sell them.  If you happen to see her / talk to her again, I’d tell her that’s what you did and offer to give her the money for them if you can.  If there’s ANY way to contact her, even with a greeting card, I would send her a card or a letter without mentioning the rings specifically.  Something like ‘I was looking through some old things recently and thought of our friendship and wanted to send you a letter’.  If she remembers you have them, she’ll contact you about them behind her husband’s back.  

    If it’s a lot of money, maybe you could put it into a CD or something that earns interest, so that in the event she ever leaves this mentally abusive husband, she and her kids won’t be penniless?  It’s not your responsibility, but it’ll be something for you to hope for.  

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