(Closed) Friends S.O takes Adderall, and she's not sure how to feel?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: What should she do about S.O taking Adderall?
    If it helps him, and helps him to produce good work and he's happy, than I'd accept it. : (55 votes)
    86 %
    No. He needs to stop, or else she'll break up with him. : (4 votes)
    6 %
    Depends on the strength of the relationship, and if there are any other problems. : (5 votes)
    8 %
  • Post # 31
    Member
    1122 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    I would be concerned.  EVERYONE would benefit from taking adderol, whether you need it or not.  I used to take it in college when I had LONG papers to write.  He is likely just one of these people who benefits from it but he’s not being himself, and acting like he can’t do his work without it, so I would be concerned!!! 

    Post # 32
    Member
    3536 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: December 2015

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine:  both cases are worriesome. The best thing to do is be your own advocate and be aware (like your friend and Fiance are). 

    Post # 33
    Member
    1006 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Mine tried Adderall for one week on the 5mg dose (prescribed). He was super focused, got a ton done and had more spare time. But he also wasn’t hungry, wasn’t thirsty, wasn’t tired. It was helping him do more and feel great, but he wasn’t taking care of his body. That kind of thing isn’t sustainable and the body will break down faster. He decided to stop and work on his natural focus. 

    Post # 35
    Member
    200 posts
    Helper bee

    I second the comments about how some doctors are worried about liability.  Just because a doctor doesn’t diagnose you with ADHD doesn’t automatically mean you don’t have it.  They’re just under pressure to not give out many prescriptions for controlled substances. I see several doctors (I have epilepsy) and it’s amazing how willing some are to help with prescriptions vs. others are so conservative and seem to be protecting themselves.  

    Post # 36
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    I would say that this is between his dr and himself and honestly his girlfriend should be supportive of whatever his dr and him decide to do.

    Just because it doesn’t SEEM like he needs it to her, doesn’t mean he doesn’t need it.  She cannot share his mind, she has no idea what it’s like to have his brain.

    I have bipolar disorder (not the same I know but still mental).  If my husband, when we met, told me he doesn’t think I should be on the medication and wasn’t sure how to feel about it because it seemed like I was ok, that would be a dealbreaker for ME.  Me being on medication should not be a dealbreaker for him unless he is totally unreasonable.

    My mom, although she meant well, actually didn’t believe that I had bipolar disorder because I was very high functioning.  But she was not me, she could not really know how much I was suffering.  She told me many times that I seem ok and probably shouldn’t be on such strong medications.  That was extremely damaging to me and lead me to second guess doctors and myself.  Which, if I listened and went off medication, I could have completely destroyed my life.  I know it’s more extreme than his situation, but still.

    Your friend should not be doing this to her boyfriend.  She is making him second guess everything and isn’t being accepting of him in his entirety.  If anything, it should be a dealbreaker for him, not for her.  Ending a relationship because your partner takes a medication lol

    Sorry to be harsh but it’s ridiculous she would ever even think like this.  I guess for some people different things are dealbreakers but unless he is taking it illegally i dont think it’s her business

    Post # 37
    Member
    836 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2015

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine:  I am a social worker, so I am very familiar with ADHD and the medication for it.  Yes, it is defiantely over diagnosed in children.  I’m going to try to not go into my soapbox on that! But basically, kids don’t get enough recess time, time outside to run around and expel energy, and stay sitting in front of a tv.  I would have alot of built up energy too in that situation!
    Anyway, as adults I have found that it is easier to diagnose, and is not as over diagnoased as it is in kids.  If the medication helps him and a doctor prescribed it, I do not see why there would be a problem with him taking it.  However, if they are both just not comfortable with the idea of medicine, there are other options to help minimize the symptoms, esp since you said he has pretty mild symptoms.  I.e. exercise, mindfulness training, etc. 

    My Fiance has been on adderall as long as I have known him (which is about 11 years now), and way before.  He takes a time release pill everyday except on the weekends.  I have no problem with it, as it helps him function and focus at work.  There are days where he forgets to take it, and he cannot get anything done at work. 

    • This reply was modified 4 years, 5 months ago by Profile Photo natbrown0703.
    Post # 38
    Hostess
    2916 posts
    Sugar bee

    This should be between the patient and his doctor.  It is none of anyone else’s business, including his girlfriend.

    Post # 40
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee

    I don’t understand what could possibly be the problem. He was prescribed a medication, and now finds that it’s working effectively. Unless I’m missing something big, it sounds like she should appreciate that she’s with someone responsible, who takes care of his mental health.

    Post # 41
    Member
    1261 posts
    Bumble bee

    By the way, the diagnosis and effectiveness of the medication are between him and his doctor – NOT his partner’s friend and the entire internet. But since it’s here, I will tell you that the fact that the medication is working is a good indication that the diagnosis was correct.

     

    Post # 42
    Member
    1017 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2015

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine:  I honestly don’t know, it depends which doctor he trusts more.  If he feels it’s beneficial then he should keep seeing the first doctor.

    I’m obviously not a psychiatrist, but diagnosing ADHD etc. can be difficult because there aren’t any definite physical markers. Illness manifests differently in different people too.  I have a friend who has been given a different diagnosis from every doctor she’s seen, bipolar, to schizophrenia, to borderline personality disorder.  She’s sticking with the doctor who diagnosed her with borderline because that treatment is working best for her.

     

    Post # 43
    Member
    376 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    I don’t understand the problem. My husband takes it, and actually a really high dose of it (prescribed and recommended by his doctor). If he didn’t take it, he could not do his job effectively. Never in a million years would I leave him unless he stated abusing it or selling it. 

    From what you have stated, he has a prescription and is taking even less of it than prescribed and is being very cautious about it. Doesn’t seem like addict behavior to me, seems like a grown ass man taking care of his mental health which SHOULD be commended, not stigmatized. 

    Post # 44
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee

    View original reply
    yourhandinmine:  I wouldn’t have any problem with my husband taking aderall with an RX. He had a problem, he went to the doctor, he was diagnosed and received an RX, he’s taking the RX as prescribed, isn’t abusing it, and it’s helping him. In the nicest possible way, I don’t understand why his girlfriend would be concerned about this.

    It’s like saying a guy had a cough, went to the doctor, was told he had strep throat, was prescribed medication including cough syrup, took the cough syrup as prescribed, the cough was getting better … but the girlfriend was worred about him taking cough medicine and didn’t know how she felt about it.

    Now, if he’s specifically concerned that he’s received different diagnoses from different doctors, he has two options:

    (1) Continue taking the medication and seeing the first doctor, or (2) get a fourth opinion.

    Either way, I don’t see why the girlfriend would even consider leaving him over this (I’m assuming it’s something she’s considered, as your poll options included “He has to stop or else she’ll break up with him” and “Depends on the strength of the relationship, and if there are any other problems” (saying “any other problems” implies that this itself is a problem – which I don’t think it is). 

    If you were just asking for healthcare advice, mine would be to continue seeing the first doctor and taking the aderall, since it’s obviously helping him. If you’re asking whether the girlfriend should consider leaving him, my answer is no.

    Post # 45
    Member
    2394 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m going to add a second comment because as I was writing my last post some additional people commented, and reading their comments helped me realize why my reaction to this is so strong. 

    As 

    View original reply
    mangosandcats: and 
    View original reply
    FutureMrsGG: said, he is a grown man taking care of his (mental) health in a smart and responsible way. This should be applauded and put forth as a success story – not stigmatized. The girlfriend should count herself lucky that she’s with a guy who not only realized he was having trouble, but was able to identify the cause (lack of focus), was willing to seek treatment, and is now strictly following doctor’s orders to help improve the quality of his life and work. If only all men were this responsible! The idea that someone would ever consider leaving a loved one for getting healthy doctor supervised treatment makes me really sad. 

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