(Closed) Friends sometimes tell me that FI and I don't make a 'pair'

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@linnylou_88:  My boyfriend is actually very similar to me (we’re both introverted, serious, shy, enjoy reading etc) however when you first meet him people often think he is quite different.

He has this persona of being extremely cool with a little bit of a mysterious bad ass mixed in (he’s usually just being shy and not talking!) and girls are always taken with him.

I on the other hand look exactly like what I am. More than one person has confessed to me after getting to know my SO that they thought we were complete opposite and an ill-fit!

In your relationship it sounds like you balance each other out!! 🙂 I’m thinking that at the core of your relationship is a mutual respect and commitment to each other. My thoughts are that you are probably very similar values wise and just have different personality types!

Sounds like you are a great fit!

Post # 4
Member
179 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@linnylou_88:  they don’t know what happens behind closed doors when it’s just the two of you, and I’m not talking about anything sexual! You two are different with each other than you are separate with just a parent or just a friend. That’s normal (:

 

I used to feel weird seeing my Fiance with my family because he wasn’t himself, and I talked to my older sister about it and she made this same point to me. I love him no matter what other people think, and even more when they say something about us being weird for each other, it makes me giggle (: We keep relitively to ourselves, but neither of us are shy by any means. We are just all we need out of people, and that definitely seems strange to everyone on the outside as well! 

Post # 5
Member
3257 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

If it helps, at our marriage prep class on Thursday night, the psychologist who was speaking spent a great deal of time explaining why marriages are much, much better when the people are different.  A phrase he kept re-using was “they can see where you’re blind.”  Good luck to you both for a happy life – I’m sure you know very well how to pick your own husband, and he knows how to pick his own wife.

Post # 8
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Well…one of the things my Maid/Matron of Honor said in her toast was that when she first met Darling Husband, she was so surprised because he was nothing like she would have thought. But she was more saying it as a humorous point in her story and it led into …but then I realized how much they love each other, and even though he wasn’t what I would have thought, they’re both exactly what the other needs. Afterall, nobody wants to marry themself, right? You want an SO who helps you grow as a person.

 


The best thing you can do is prove them wrong with time and maybe get them to spend more time with your Fiance so they get to know him better. And politely remind them, when they bring it up, how happy you make each other.

Post # 9
Member
9648 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@Duncan:  that phrase is very apt

Before Fiance and I were dating we were pretty much best friends. My father and my sister both asked me if it could become something and I said “Ethan? Ew no way!” We were so different I didn’t think of anything happening between us. But I was wrong, they were right and now we are getting married 🙂

He has always been a big gamer, into horror movies, watching wrestling, listening to hard rock/heavy metal music. Whereas I love reading, romance movies, crime/drama shows, and country/pop music. But we make it work, and now he is more into reading, I am more into horror movies, we have broadened each other’s horizons 🙂 And we are able to be completely ourselves with each other.

Post # 11
Member
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

That’s not very nice of them to say. I think having different interests can be a good thing. As long as you have relatively similar belief systems and goals in life, you’ll be fine.

Post # 12
Member
210 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I am creative quiet completely right brain and my fiance is mathmatical social left brain. Hes my exact other half, and i think that is why we work so well together.to sound completely cliche, he is what completes me and makes me feel whole. I feel exactly myself and who i should be around him. He is so caring and kind and paitent with me, i cannot fault him when it comes to the way he treats me. I think when it comes down to it, as long as you have the same values and morals and you know in your heart of hearts what is right for you. Dont listen to anyone else when it comes to stuff like that (unless he is treating you wrong, in which case, you should listen)

Post # 13
Member
2497 posts
Buzzing bee

@linnylou_88:  What is it about your relationship that causes your friends to say these things? There may be red flags that are apparent to them but not to you.

Post # 15
Member
4524 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@linnylou_88:  Tell your friends to keep their opinions to themselves.

 

I am very, very introverted, while my Boyfriend or Best Friend is social butterfly who never meets a stranger.  When we started dating, he had this BIG group of friends, most of which he’d known for 10-20 years. The guys were all pretty cool to me, and the girls were cool to my face…but behind my back they were going to my Boyfriend or Best Friend and saying “helpful” things like “y’all just don’t seem like a good fit, she’s too quiet for you, etc.”  It would have been one thing if they only said it once or twice when we FIRST started dating, but it continued for months and even after we had moved in together. My Boyfriend or Best Friend nicely told them to leave it alone but they kept insisting they were just being “good friends” and “looking out for” him. Keep in mind, this was only the female parts of the group, not their BFs who told my Boyfriend or Best Friend they liked me just fine.

 

These “good friends” decided to start hanging out with not one, but BOTH of his most recent exes and inviting them to events trying to make me uncomfortable. Great people.

 

Basically, what I’m saying is it’s a personal decision who you date. I can see saying something right when the dating starts, but then it needs to drop after that. Unless you are walking around with black eyes, people should worry about themselves.

Post # 16
Member
9142 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If it makes you feel any better all of my friends thought my ex husband and I were great together so they were shocked when we got divorced.  Friends definitely have no idea what goes on behind closed doors and so long as you aren’t abusing each other, I would let their comments come in one ear and go out the other.

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