Post # 1
Do any of you have those friends who are so self centered that you have to stop yourself from pulling your (or their) hair out?!
I moved to another state 3 years ago, and it seems that the majority of “friends” I’ve made here are so completely self centered that it almost brings me to tears. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been the one friends call/turn to for advice, because I’m a great listener and I’m quite logical. However, though I’m more of a “suffer in silence type” those friends would always be there to lend a shoulder or an ear if I needed one.
Since I moved out to NC, however, the girls I’ve met out here can talk about NOTHING BUT THEMSELVES. (This is NOT a jab at NC girls, btw, as I know this is NOT what the majority of ladies out here are like. I’m just talking about my own experience with these specific people). I’m just so sick of it. I’m so sick of saying something and the one I’m talking to turns it around on her. I’m so sick of having to constantly sit there silent and listening for hours on end. It doesn’t matter WHAT we’re talking about, they have to find a way to make it about them. And how do you tell someone that without greatly offending them? Cause you know what? You can say it till you’re blue in the face and they aren’t going to change.
A have an ex friend who was so so bad about this. We worked together and she came in one day to find me crying at my desk. She asked what was wrong and I told her a friend of mine had passed away the day before. She responds with “Oh wow…What do you think about my hair today? I wore it in a pony tail!” I was so angry, I got up and walked right past her cause I knew I would have probably flipped my shit if I had stayed to talk to her. And that’s not even the worst of her “me me me” crap.
I’m just over these people, but it seems like they’re the only ones I’ve made friends with out here, so dropping them leaves me friendless. I’m just so sad and worn out. Anyone have stories of self centered people that they’d like to share so I know I’m not alone? Or have any of YOU been the self centered one and it took being called out to realize and change your ways??
Post # 3
@maloussii: I moved AWAY from someone like your friends! It was absolutely draining being her friend. She even had to try and turn around my going away party into something about her (she’d run a race the day before).
I understand your rock and a hard place position, as I haven’t really made a lot of friends here in my new place either. Maybe some of them aren’t aware of doing it, but sadly that isn’t likely the case. 🙁
Post # 4
@mrs_pudding_pop: Ugh!! I just don’t get it! How can they be so unaware of it!? But then, if they ARE aware, how can they treat people like that? It’s draining. 🙁 And shame on her for making YOUR GOING AWAY PARTY about her!!! She sucks!
Post # 5
@maloussii: Ha, she wasn’t too successful – I just started talking to others about how excited I was about the move. She HAS to know she’s like that… I am so happy she is out of my life! She got married recently and all I heard from mutual friends was what a Bridezilla she was.
Post # 6
@mrs_pudding_pop: How do people like that even find mates?!
Post # 7
I try to cut people out like this, as I have had experience with quite a few. My mother happens to be this way.
It seems like a chore for her to call me, so we maybe talk once a month, and the entire time is “I don’t have money. I hate my job. Coworker is jealous of me because I get all the attention. This work is really hard. I miss having my own car. Badmouth badmouth badmouth this/that person. Ok, well, I miss talking to you but I have to go. Bye!”
We have had quite a difficult and distant relationship, due to her actions and selfishness. The best thing you can do is try and distance yourself from people like this. I find they usually love drama, too.
Post # 8
@hismm: That makes me sad…I thought it was bad enough when it was friends or aquaintances, but I’m so sorry it’s your own mother. I’m sure after years of dealing with it, you’ve gotten some what used to it, but it still sounds heartbreaking. Your mama is supposed to be the one that you turn to when everyone else is being a jerk. I’m sorry. 🙁
Post # 9
@maloussii: Sorry you have to deal with this 🙁 That’s so frusterating. Does that girl with the ponytail realize how selfish and absolutely rude she is?
There was a girl in high school like that who would always talk to me about her problems, and I mostly listened. Then when I was bullied, she stopped talking to me and acknowledging me. She later apologized, and said she ignored me because she didn’t want the same thing that was happening to me to happen to her. What a good friend. Then the next year when prom came around, she would always talk about it. Then sometimes when she’d realized that she’d been talking the whole day (I had several classes with her) about herself, she would ask me who I was going with to make it look like she cared. She asked me at least 5 times because she wasn’t really listening the rare occasion I said anything about myself. I’m so happy I graduated from high school year early. If I hadn’t, I’d still be in high school right now!
There’s another girl who will ask me to go out for coffee sometimes. When we get there, I’ve learned to buy a drink and a sandwhich, and just sit back while she does all the talking. It doesn’t really bother me, but just the last time, I realized that everything she said was supposed to make herself look desirable and like she has so many guys after her. I’ll hang out with her if she asks, but I don’t make any effort to see her. She also acted really mad at me for a super strange reason a year ago, so I’ve already known she’s not a good friend.
Post # 10
Ahh yes, the one uppers, the “if it makes you feel better that your dog died, I’m having a horrible day – I broke a nail AND my hair is flat” people. Unfortunately they exist. Time to try to find new friends and slowly weed out the obnoxious ones.
Post # 11
I had such a person in my life, and after much consideration and effort to help her to change and be a giver as well as a taker, I finally, gently but firmly, cut her out of my life.
Do you think that was the end? No, because that would be about me. Since everything is about HER, she has spent the last few years telling everyone we mutually know about her version of the facts, centered around HER heartbreak over what I did to HER, abandoning HER, and how I need to apologize to HER for it.
Every few months someone else tells me, “I’ve been talking to X, and, don’t you think it’s time to apologize to X, and stop hurting her so much?” …. GAHHHHH!!!!
Post # 12
I am so sorry to hear this! 3 years and all you get is that!?
It’s hard to find yourself in a position where you are uncomfortable with “friends”. I’m happy to be your friend but I live oceans away!
Really though, is there any way you can find new people to hang out with? Like a hobby group? Meetups?
Post # 13
I have a friend like this and the surprising thing is that he is a really good guy. He only talks about himself but it is never bragging or anything like that. Sometimes he’ll ask whats up with you but then quickly reverts the conversation back to himself. I do like him and I’m pretty sure I could count on him for help if I needed it but it is annoying that he is so self centered in his conversations.
Post # 14
@maloussii: My best friend is like this. Ive known her since being kids and shes always been the same, sometimes i wonder why i am friends with her at all but then i stop and think about it and she is there for me when i really ask her to be so i cant complain too much. Most of the time i just hope that she will pick up on the fact that im unhappy but she doesnt, she turns every conversation to herself and when i was single she flaunted her bf in front of me, when i was with my current FI (before we got engaged) she would flaunt her marriage in front of me and now that its less than 7 weeks until we get married shes making out like marriage is terrible and she and her DH are separating, i was heartbroken for her i know how much they love each other but then i found out it was a lie, she was just mad at him for smoking after he said he would quit. Does my head in seriously but i do love the woman so i cant get too mad x
Post # 15
I moved to a new country and had similar problems. Initially a lot of my friends were from work and there was a group of us who socialised together. Problem was I really disliked a few of them and it got progressively worse – I couldn’t even stand working with these people let alone socialising with them. But I really liked some of the group. In the end I kept refusing invites from those I didn’t like and trying to organise a few smaller things with those I did like, but it was hard without seeming bitchy and deliberately excluding them. Eventually I told a couple of those I was closest with about my feelings and it turned out they felt the same so we have gradually divided the group so now I just get to hang out with those I like most of the time, but without any animosity (I think!). I’ve also met other people through various hobbies/avenues and now I have a good social circle.
I know it’s not the same as your situation, but I am one of those people who would rather be alone than hang out with people I don’t like, so I made that choice and luckily it worked out.