Post # 1
Wasn’t sure where to post this, sorry. Need advice.
Our friends are getting married next month and I will be 4-5 weeks post partum, assuming baby waits til my due date or passes it (right now it doesn’t look like she’ll be late). I really need to send in our RSVP but I just don’t know what to do. It’s my first baby and I don’t know if I’ll still be recovering, or if I’ll even feel comfortable leaving my baby that soon.
I would have to pump and leave the baby with my mother. Wedding is about 40 minutes away, and they have not offered for us to bring baby, so we won’t ask.
Any advice? What would you do? The couple has made comments like “see you next month!” So I guess they just assume we are coming… Which is odd.
Post # 2
I wouldn’t go without my baby. If it’s a close enough friend I would just ask. 4 weeks is too young to expect to leave the baby behind IMO.
Post # 3
I would personally decline. I have a 5 month old, so it was not too long ago I was 4-5 weeks pp.
Obviously everyone handles pp different, so I have no idea how you would feel, but honestly I would not have been comfortable leaving my 4 week old (even with Grandma) at that young. We really struggled with breastfeeding, so there is no way I would have been able to leave for that reason alone.
Also, I was still bleeding and overall just felt gross like 99% of the time, so minus all the other factors I really just wouldn’t have felt like getting dressed up and going out. If the wedding was closer I would say just attend the ceremony, but 40 minutes is a long drive for that.
Although, I’ve seen people out and about 1-2 weeks pp and are feeling great.
Post # 4
Take your baby. Nobody in their right mind would ask someone not to take a breastfeeding newborn to a wedding. Check with the bride and groom that it’s okay. If it isn’t, then respectfully decline.
Post # 5
I was still a walking zombie and completely exhausted at 4-5 weeks PP. You may have a totally different experience of course but the baby will still be so young and it will most definitely be difficult for you to be away from him/her that early. Also, its possible that you may in fact pass your due date, so baby will be even younger than 4-5 weeks. It seems too early to me. You should still be resting and recovering at that point. I would probably send our regrets with a nice gift or you could ask personally if you can bring baby along. A friend will understand either way.
Post # 6
I went to one (and was a bridesmaid) at 4 weeks pp. I felt fine, but I had a pretty easily delivery and recovery aside from an episiotomy. But no, I wouldn’t go without my infant. Mine was invited and she was with me all day (aside from when my Darling Husband or my parents- also invited- watched her). So if your baby isn’t invited, I’d would send my regrets.
Post # 7
KatesTheWord : I agree with the pp, 4 weeks is too young. I also found it challenging and unneccessarily stressful to try to get out of the house with a baby that young.
Post # 8
Dear Daughter is currently 5.5 weeks and there’s no way I would leave her for that long. Right now she’s going through a growth spurt and wanting to eat all the time, so even if we go places, I’m constantly feeding her. A wedding isn’t something I’d be interested in right now.
Post # 9
I went to a wedding 2 and a bit weeks PP (and we had hospital stays for over a week after birth due to him being preemie and birth complications) and it was fine, however I wouldnt leave him that young he came with us and we left about an hour into the reception (casual wedding so we didnt leave half way through a plated meal or anything, just a family made buffet and dancing)
Post # 10
Most likely you will not be up to attending. You will still be establishing breastfeeding and pumping is not easy.
Yes there will be stories from other mothers who managed to resume their social calendar at that time, but most don’t.
It’s not reasonable to expect a new mom who is waking up and nursing a baby every 1/2 to 1 1/2 hours to put on her party dress at 4 weeks pp.
If you really feel badly at the thought of missing the wedding entirely, ask the bride if it’s ok if you see how you are feeling that day, and perhaps attend the ceremony only.
Post # 11
I went to a wedding at 3 weeks PP without my son. I pumped and I had a good time. We didn’t stay very late of course (I think we left at 9 PM) but it was nice to get out of the house and have a little fun with friends and my husband. It’s up to you. You could also ask your friend if you could bring your newborn. When my hubs and I got married we had a couple that was about 2 months PP and I offered for her to bring the baby. She decided to leave the baby with relatives and enjoy the night baby free.
Post # 12
I’d either take baby or not go
Post # 13
Can you talk to her about this? I mean, she will likely understand your situation. Ask her if you can RSVP later than the deadline, like the day before her numbers are due to the caterer. Theoretically, that would mean you will be 2-3 weeks pp and might have a better idea of how things are going. And it’s still before her caterer numbers are due so it shouldn’t cause her too many issues.
Post # 14
I would ask her directly, with a specific plan. For example, “we are so excited about your wedding, but since we will have a newborn just wanted to touch base. I cannot leave her for long, so Darling Husband and I would need to come with her, and leave the reception/ceremony as needed to take care of her. Please let me know honesty if that works.”
I had 3 newborns to 2 month babies as part of my guest list. I proactively reached out to them about it. One declined due to travel, one sent the husband and not the wife at 8 days post partum, and the third brought her mom to help out. Every option worked with me. Your friend just may not be thinking through your logistics, and may be sad to know an easy fix would let you attend.
also, for my friend who was 8 days out – I assured her that we had space for her if it worked out. I talked to my venue and they said they always have extra food, so I sat them at a table that could have another chair. She didn’t end up coming but I’m glad we had a plan to include her.
Post # 15
My baby just turned one month old yesterday. I would feel very up to attending a wedding if I could bring her along, but she is way too little and needy for me to leave her with someone else.