(Closed) Friends wedding 4 weeks PP

posted 3 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 16
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

julies1949 :  just curious if you have children?

your right people can be different but im my experiance ANY excuse to get dressed up, feel good about myself and most importantly leave the house and socialise was jumped at… yes child birth is hard work but the emotions are far harder than the physical strain and many people have no idea how lonely those first few months of motherhood are, your emotional and tierd and your bodies changed and the last thing I wanted was to be left at home watching a baby (often alone because OH worked) with no adult contact

I was over the moon to fit back into a nice dress, talk to other adult in a stimulating enviroment and loads of people including the bride rushed over to coo over my DS which also helped stem the constant late night (after work) visiters that kept dropping by at awkward times causing havok to the routine (and showing up when I looked like a zombie)

Post # 17
Member
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

 

btob17 :  To satisfy your curiosity, yes I have two children, both of whom were breastfed.

As an RN, I have also talked with and supported hundreds of women with newborns, dealing with their own physical and emotional recovery, getting estabished with breastfeeding, dealing with a lack of sleep, etc, so I feel fully qualified to comment on this thread.

The OP was asking for our opinions and experiences. I gave mine, just as you did yours.

Post # 18
Member
9198 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

if you want to go, you should go.

 at 6 weeks pp, i left DS with Darling Husband and went out to lunch and saw a play (already had the tickets).

you don’t have to stay long.

 

 

Post # 19
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m going to a wedding next weekend at 3 weeks PP and we’re taking baby with us. I am only doing this because I have recovered really, really well and we’ve already taken baby out on several occasions. My parents will also be present at the wedding so more hands than just myself and husband. 

Post # 20
Member
6448 posts
Bee Keeper

KatesTheWord :  We were invited to a wedding when my Dear Daughter was 2 months old and we declined to go since we weren’t ready to leave the house and deal with a newborn at  a wedding and we didn’t want to impose by asking if our baby as allowed to go.

Post # 21
Member
3730 posts
Sugar bee

I felt totally fine a month PP…I had a c section, and honestly felt fine by the end of week 1. However, breastfeeding or pumping was basically a constant event at that point, and very difficult to go out for extended periods of time. You don’t know if you will have extra supply to even give to LO while you are out, and you may end up pumping several times during the wedding. I personally think the only way you could possibly attend is if you bring the baby. Your friend should know that even at a child free wedding, newborns should always be welcome, but maybe she doesn’t. In your shoes I’d either ask about the baby attending or decline. Good luck in the coming weeks. It’s a really crazy, awesome, unique time. Enjoy it!

Post # 22
Member
676 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

KatesTheWord :  Just giving you my story from a bride’s perspective. I had a very good friend (I was a bridemaid in her wedding) who was due 5-6 weeks before our wedding (a 5-6 hour drive away from where they live). I told her it was fine with me if she wanted to bring her daughter, or if they needed to skip it I understood. She decided to invite her parents with her for the weekend and they got hotel rooms together. She brought the baby on the trip, but only attended the 4-5 hour wedding and party (not the welcome party the night before or the informal gathering we did the morning after) and left the baby with her parents in the hotel during that timeframe. That worked well for them and I was so glad she was able to make it work. But I knew I wanted her there, so I was more than willing to allow the baby as well if that is what she wanted/needed to make the trip.

Post # 23
Member
217 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

It’s do-able if you really want to go, but you also don’t know exactly how you’ll be feeling til much closer.  I wouldn’t commit to going at this point unless you make sure they know you might have to back out depending how you feel. 

I attended a dear friend’s wedding at 5.5 weeks PP.  It was a little over an hour away from where we live, so we planned to get 2 hotel rooms; one for us and one for my parents to watch baby where i could pop in and breastfeed as needed.  But a few days before the wedding, we decided my parents would be more comfortable staying with baby at our house, and we attended the wedding and even stayed over night.  I pumped every few hours, and was away for about 18 hours.  We had fun, and it was nice to have some adult time.

Post # 24
Member
3064 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

KatesTheWord :  I would reach out to the bride and ask her when is the last possible minute you could decline and not cause massive problems for her or extra $$, then wait and see how you feel after the baby is born. 

Is the wedding at a hotel? Maybe you could get a room and have your mom and the baby stay near the reception where you could nurse as needed and still enjoy the wedding. 

 

Post # 25
Member
135 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I think 4-5 weeks is too soon to take a baby to a wedding or leave a baby behind. I would decline and send a nice gift. I am sure she withh understand.

Post # 27
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee

I would decline because if you RSVP and then cant go last minute that is more of a problem then simply planning not to go. Ideally you could approach the bride and ask for an extension to the RSVP, particularly if you plan for your husband to go anyway so all they’d need to do with the table plan is just remove your one seat and have an odd number on that table instead of rejig it entirely. If she’s a bit of a b though this sounds like it might not be an option. Unless your husband could ask his friend?

Really, don’t ask to bring the baby though. Newborns are not an exception to the no kids rule unless the bride and groom say so. That is a completely fair position for them to take, but they need to understand that you might not make it along. They can’t be upset if you don’t go when you have a 4 week old baby you can’t bring. You have to prioritise your recovery and your baby. But please understand they are entitled to prioritise their wedding over their invitee’s childcare needs. There may be several other people with young babies who they would also need to accommodate if they said yes to you, and I’ve been to two wedding this year where babies disrupted the service, one right during the vows. The bride was really upset. They’re allowed not to take that risk. Just decline.

 

Post # 28
Member
2123 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - DD born 2015 DS born 2017

KatesTheWord :  Based on the fact that you’re not close to them I bet that at only 4 weeks pp you won’t give a shit about their wedding you’ll be so deep in the baby brain fog. I had super brain fog and had no interest in anything non-baby until about 8 months pp! Breastfeeding and newborn babies are just so all-consuming, physically, mentally and emotionally. I think it’s the right choice not to go 🙂

Post # 29
Member
7642 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

KatesTheWord :  Based on your extra information, I think your plan (DH goes alone, because it’s his friend) is the correct one.

I wouldn’t pump and leave a 1 month old, especially my first. There are too many unknowns. Will you be able to pump enough? (I really had trouble pumping). Will baby be ok with your mother for half a day, even if there’s enough milk? 

I would be happy attending with baby so long as there’s some sort of baby or cry room to take him/her. But it doesn’t sound like they’ll be accomodating. So send Darling Husband alone.

Post # 30
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

Just have your Darling Husband go… Even if you left the baby with a grandparent or someone (which would be perfectly fine!), I’d be wary about leaving such a young baby for longer than 3 hours or so… You’ll prob be leaking milk at that point too after a few hours. Personally, I wouldn’t take a newborn to a wedding, I just think there would be too big of a risk of the baby catching something.

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