Post # 1
it’s coming up for midnight here and I have spent the last two ish hours being violently sick and the other end too. I think it’s a stomach bug but it could be food poisoning. Even though I have nothing left I know this isnt going to end soon I feel like death. It is my friends wedding tomorrow afternoon and I am supposed to be going. I don’t think I’m going to make it and even if I stop throwing up and having diarrhoea if it is a stomach bug I don’t want to risk passing it on especially as it’s a child heavy wedding. When/how do I tell her? I have her mum and sister on Facebook should I message them in the morning? I don’t want to get hold of her as she will obviously be busy with it being her wedding day! I dont want to wait till after the wedding to let them know but at the same time it feels like I’m being a bother messaging on the morning of the wedding to say I can’t make it. I honestly don’t know what’s best any advice?
Post # 2
Bummer! If you know now that you can’t make it, then I would contact her now. If you want to wait and see, you still CAN contact her tomorrow (just not like, during the ceremony or something)–just leave a text for her as she probably WILL be busy and won’t pick up, but that way she’ll at least have notice and a record of it. I don’t think you’ll be a bother (most brides here on the Bee would rather a no-show tell them than just not be there). I personally would rather contact the bride myself because I’d worry about things not getting passed on if I went with mom or sis, but that’s me.
Your text at the moment doesn’t need to be that involved–send her a more detailed email if you wish, or perhaps an apologetic card.
Post # 3
BothCoasts: even though I’m almost 100% sure I won’t make it tomorrow id rather wait till tomorrow to message her as she has a bit of a pet hate about messaging late and it’s gone midnight now. Her sister is Maid/Matron of Honor so I don’t know if she would be the best person to contact? I just feel like a bitch messaging the bride with something like that on the morning of her wedding. Like she has so much going on i know id have been stressed if someone did it at mine.
Post # 4
I would contact the Maid/Matron of Honor or Mum. Maybe give them a call in the morning? One of my friends got a can’t make it text the morning of her wedding and she is still pissed about it! Personally I wouldn’t mind but you don’t want to risk it.
I hope you feel better!
Post # 5
Dogmummy: There are some threads about no-shows on the bee and you can look them up–from what I remember, brides tend to be pretty pissed when there is a no-show without explanation–emphasis on that last part, meaning yes it’s disappointing when someone can’t come, but it’s the lack of information that’s the real problem. There is no consensus on when the ‘right time’ to inform them is, but there were some people who were in situations like yours who also expressed that they didn’t want to bother the bride on their big day, and a lot of brides said that they would rather know (granted, these are just a handful of brides, not to represent every and all brides!), even on hte day-of (they wouldn’t be checking their phones; it appeared to be more the principle of the matter that you would tell them).
But that’s the bee, and I’m sure that etiquette gurus would probably tell you that the Maid/Matron of Honor or MOB is the preferred person to notify. If you feel more comfortable doing that, then do it (I mean, in the end, it’s kind of six of one/half dozen to me whether the bride gets the news as a text or from her Maid/Matron of Honor, but I guess the Maid/Matron of Honor can exercise discretion of when to tell the bride, which is the point). And then if you don’t contact her directly tomorrow, definitely call the bride to offer an apology the day after.
Sorry you’re sick tho. That blows.
Post # 6
I think if you are friends with the bride, you should contact her directly, as soon as possible, and by phone rather than text if at all possible. Yes she will be busy but it takes all of 90 seconds. Going through a third party could be misinterpreted as disrespectful or cowardly.
Post # 7
I know the norovirus is going around, here where we live. All my family has had it. I had it 2-way one day, with symptoms of dehydration. I finally called my Dr.’s office, when my fever hit 102 and she ordered me to go to the emergency room, for IV fluids. I also had a C-T scan, of my abdomen.
Take care and good luck! It can be very contagious, so it’s probably best, for the other guests, if you didn’t attend.
Post # 8
Dogmummy: Can you let someone else know instead of her? Maid/Matron of Honor or her parents, do you know anyone else? I don’t think she should be bothered with it… I disagree with Horseradish on this one, there is nothing that can really be done at this late hour it’s not like she is going to fill your seat with someone else. I think the MOB or Maid/Matron of Honor could figure out a way to deal with it delicately and when/how to inform bride in the context of everything else going on so you don’t overhelm or bum her out at the wrong moment. Nobody can accuse you of being a noshow if you tell someone in the party.
Post # 9
Please don’t go. You are contagious if you have the stomach bug, and that is a terrible thing to pass on.
I am certain that your friend does not want her wedding to be known as ‘ the one where everybody got the shits.’
In this case it is way worse to go than to be a no show.
Post # 10
Dogmummy: Contact someone now. You are contagious for anywhere from 48 -72 hours after recovery from symptoms.
Post # 11
Its 1.36 in the morning so I think I should probably wait till tomorrow to text/call people but I will get hold of the MOH/sister first thing. As much as I want to tell the bride herself and say how sorry I am it feels selfish to distract her or take away any joy from her wedding prep by doing that so I think I will leave it up to the Maid/Matron of Honor to tell her at a convenient moment and then I’ll message her after I know the ceremony is over and the reception is in full swing.
For now I’m going to attempt to sleep on my bathroom floor for a bit :/