Post # 1
Bear with me here, this is logistically complicated! 🙂
We are getting married on a Sunday in August, and two friends booked their weddings for the following Friday and Saturday respectively. (We booked our wedding well before theirs, which isn’t to say it’s more important, it’s definitely not, but just that we had these plans prior to their wedding invites.)
My fiancée and I wanted to go on a mini-honeymoon following our wedding, but if we went to the weddings, she would have to go to her friend’s wedding in New York, and I would have to go to my friend’s wedding in California.
A close friend told us it would be rude to miss our friends’ weddings. It might be hurtful to our friends to not attend since they are coming to our weddings, and we really love them. We feel really guilty about potentially missing. It would just mean no honeymoon and a quick turn around without each other immediately after getting married.
What do ya think? Thanks! 🙂
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Post # 2
I didn’t vote because I’m undecided. If these are lifelong besties, really close friends, I’d go to their weddings and plan a belated honeymoon for the fall or spring. If these are more casual friends and you’re only considering going because they’re coming to your wedding and you feel you should reciprocate, then I’d choose the honeymoon, send a gift and a card and regrets that we’d already planned our honeymoon but wish them all the best.
Post # 3
I would go on my honeymoon. They knew your date when they picked theirs and most people would assume that you would be on your honeymoon right after the wedding. At the very least you will want to spend that time right after being married together!
An invitations is not a summons and weddings are not tit-for-tat. You don’t have to go just because you were invited or because they attended yours.
Post # 4
Thanks, I think that’s solid advice. One is a lifelong bestie, and one is a close friend from graduate school. They’re both close friends, but of each of us independently. We thought about pushing off the honeymoon, but we have already taken the time off work and can’t take off more this year. The work inflexibility and money constraints sort of complicates it… of course. :-/
P.S. Whoops, this was meant to be a reply to the first comment! 🙂
Post # 5
Go on your honeymoon. A true friend will understand that you already had major plans in place before their save the dates/invites were sent out.
Post # 6
You tell your friends you’re so sorry you can’t attend but you’ll be on your honeymoon that week. And then you send a nice gift.
Post # 7
There are merits to both options and as well as consequences. I think the best question to ask yourself “if our friends were in our shoes how would they react and how would I feel?” Perhaps even run it by them. I think I personally would hold off on the honeymoon and attend the weddings, but that’s me. I certainly understand and support why you would want to take your honeymoon.
Post # 8
I’m facing the same issue – but I think we’re committing to our honeymoon – since its once in a lifetime. I’m still torn though :/ ….
Post # 9
Good advice! I personally have three very close friends who can’t make it because one is getting married, one can’t afford the travel, and one is having a baby soon. It doesn’t bother me at all, but I wasn’t sure if I was just uniquely laissez-faire about it.
Post # 10
I think your close friend’s advice was terrible. One could just as easily say it was rude of your friends to schedule their weddings so close to yours. Go enjoy your honeymoon.
Post # 12
A pair of our friends are getting married a week before us. We’d both set our respective dates before we found out how close the weddings would be. I’m bummed that they won’t be able to make our wedding, but I 100% understand and don’t hold it against them! There will always be people who can’t make it to a wedding, no matter how much notice they have, and having your honeymoon definitely is near the top of the list for good reasons to miss a wedding! If you can pull it off financially and logistically, maybe try to make a different wedding event (shower, bachelor/bachelorette party, etc) so you each get to celebrate with your close friend–but if that’s not possible, it’s still completely understandable.
Post # 13
I was going to say push back the honeymoon and go to the weddings, but when I saw your update saying that this was the only time you guys can take off this year, I voted for the honeymoon!
Post # 14
I would send a gift to each friend, and a sincere card; then, I’d go on your honeymoon and enjoy yourselves. If they knew your date, and still each planned their own weddings for that close, my guess is that unless they are just selfish people they probably knew you wouldn’t be there but wanted to use that date and wanted to extend the invite to you anyway.
🙂 If they are as good of friends as you describe, they will understand!
Post # 15
I think it is a lot going to weddings 2 days in a row in different parts of the country. However, if the only reason I would not go is because of my mini-honeymoon, I would go to the weddings if I could reschedule the mini-honeymoon. We went on our mini-honeymoon a month after our wedding. It worked better for our schedules but I prefered it that way. I was SO exhausted after our wedding and wouldn’t have enjoyed the trip nearly as much if it were right after the wedding. We are going on our big honeymoon in a month- 2 years after our wedding! If I couldn’t work out to do the honeymoon at another time, I would probably just send a really nice gift and card.