(Closed) Friends who are blind about their relationship

posted 8 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I agree there are some serious reg flags popping up.  Namely the girl calling and leaving that message and the husband yelling at the wife for it.

ETA: Are you going to talk to her about it?  What do your other mutual friends think (or do they know)?

Post # 4
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

sounds like a liar cheater.  I don’t think you’re over thinking at all.  She probably doesn’t want to deal with the situation.

Post # 5
9028 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Everyone is different, some people are just scared of losing what they have so they dont want to ask too mnay questions. If she is happy not knowing what is really going on with him then I wouldnt be the one to burst her bubble

Post # 6
6294 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2014

Hard to say really. Instinct says that something is going on; whether that’s cheating, only he knows; it could simply be that he doesn’t like her and doesn’t want to be with her anymore.

I don’t think she’s being blind about anything; my guess is she’s in denial/putting on a brave face. Clearly, she knows something is wrong, otherwise I don’t think she would have mentioned anything to you about the answerphone message/the fact he goes out and his phone dies/etc.

All you can do is be supportive. My guess is this relationship won’t last much longer, so just be there for her.

Post # 7
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I hear you, I hate being subjected to people’s twisted relationship drama. If it’s not a big deal and you’re laughing about it hee hee hee then stop telling me about it, because it’s making me genuinely concerned for you.

If some girl called my house and said “Your husband is screwing around” and he yelled at me? Oooooh I’d hit the roof.

Post # 8
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

If it’s that obvious to you and all of us on WB, then I’m sure she knows. She might just not want to admit it to herself, or anyone else. I would bring it up, but no push it…..she’ll talk about it when she’s ready.

Post # 9
7605 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@mwitter80: I think you could bring it up in a way where you let her do the thinking.  Like asking, “What did you think of that voicemail, do you think it could be for real?” and see what she says.  Until you have solid proof that he’s cheating on her, I wouldn’t suggest it to her directly.  I know it’s unfair, but this is a very “shoot the messenger” kind of situation.  I’m speaking from past experience, but you know your friend best of course.  If you think she could handle a frank “this is what I think” type of conversation without withdrawing from you, then maybe that could work, too.  I’m just thinking that if you told her something like “my husband thinks blah blah blah” then she might just get pissed off at your Darling Husband and possibly you for mentioning it.

Good luck! :S

Post # 10
7289 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

She is trying to play it cool with denial and jokes.

What a sad situation. Obviously something went wrong a while ago, since hes not home with her in the evenings.

Be the best friend you can!

Post # 11
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Even if you are her closest friend in the world it is sometimes hard to admit when there is a problem going on at home. She probably knows something is amiss but hasn’t yet admitted it to herself let alone to you. I think the only thing you can do at this point is be patient and know that eventually everything will come to surface. When the bad news does hit her she will need your support, not “I told you so.” and even though you may not ever say I told you so, that is probably how she will feel if you confront her about her now and she denies it and then has to come back to you and admit it later.

So my best advice is to just stay the course, wait it out, and be there for her if things turn bad.

Post # 13
2239 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I honestly wouldn’t bring it up much unless I had evidence he was actually cheating. For one thing, you don’t really know what’s going on. As far as the phone thing, I’ve called my husband from a friends phone because mine died. And you said your friend was laughing about the woman calling her. So I would really just leave it alone unless you find out something for sure. Otherwise it is her business to deal with whatever is going on her marriage the way she sees fit.

Post # 14
6659 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I would feel frustrated about this if I were you too. I think the best thing you can do as a friend in these types of situations is encourage her to face how this is all making her feel. She may laugh when talking to you about it, but I’m sure if her husband got mad enough to yell, she wasn’t laughing when she brought it up to him. I’d be willign to bet she was pretty serious and upset.

If she brings it up to you again, try to get her to focus on how this is making her feel and ask her if she thinks there’s anything she should do about it. She’s the one who has to come around and make the decision to take any type of action. The most you can really say is “You’ve been telling me a lot of disturbing things about your relationship, do you want to talk about it? It’s worrying me and I just want the best for you”

Post # 15
80 posts
Worker bee

Just tell her you are worried for her and always there if she needs someone to talk to, someone to cry to or a place to stay, and then leave it at that.  All you can do is let her know she’s not alone and she has choices.  And that she can always always always come and talk to you about it and you’ll help her figure something out.  You’re a good friend 🙂

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