(Closed) friends who are “engaged” but not serious

posted 9 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
4566 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I don’t think its weird at all… it just means they’re not in any hurry! My manager and her Fiance are like that and it’s really kind of cute. They’re just enjoying being engaged. Of course, they already live together so not a whole lot will change.

Post # 4
Member
286 posts
Helper bee

I don’t think its a fake engagement…My bestie got engaged before me and they have been dating for like 5 years now or more…My Fiance and I have been dating for less than a year and have known each other for about 5 years….She is not planning because she will be attending pharmacy school and wants to wait until she is finished before she gets married…She is willing to help me plan, go shopping with me and everything but she just does not want to start making plans because they are going to have a very loooooooooooonnnnnggggg engagement…like 5 years or something….So, maybe they just haven’t started planning because they do not plan on getting married soon…

Post # 5
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee

I know some people who are engaged without any plans or desires to get married, and I thought it was a bit weird. I guess I don’t understand why you would feel compelled to ask someone to marry you (and as the girl, say yes) if you didn’t want to actually get married sometime soon. I feel like some people do it to please parents who would get upset at their kids living together without at least being engaged. 

Post # 6
Member
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Well, I don’t wear my engagement ring all the time because honestly it gets in the way most of the time. So I break it out only when I go out. And some people might not be “wedding” people.

Post # 7
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

We don’t have any set plans yet mostly due to funds and even though I am excited I am not the type to broadcast my excitement to everyone I know. I am a very private person. Both my fiance and I are introverted that way. One of the plans we do have is to have a small wedding and so even if I was the type to share wedding details, I wouldn’t be shouting about it to everyone, because it would be rude when many people I know won’t be invited.

At any rate, there’s no way of telling what’s up with your friend, but I think there’s lots of reasons why she might be behaving in a way that seems ‘weird’ to you. Her behaviour may be natural to her.

Post # 8
Member
2280 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m sure their engagement isn’t “fake” in any way, but the lack of follow up isn’t my cup of tea. I can understand why it puts you off. How long have they been engaged? Maybe they’re close mouthed, or maybe they don’t intend to plan anything for a while?

The couples I know of who are are engaged, but have no plans about getting married, aren’t the happiest. One couple broke up shortly before the engagement, and still haven’t planned anything over a year later because the guy won’t get a job. The other couple has been engaged for about nine months with no plans. And there’s no reason they haven’t done anything. Apparently they want to “make sure they’re with the right person?”

Eh. Not talking about the details of their wedding, not wearing the e-ring all the time? Absolutely. Sure. But having no plans to advance towards marriage doesn’t seem right to me. To each their own.

Post # 9
Member
769 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010

I have friends who were engaged about 3 yrs before making wedding plans.  They are very laid back people and knew they were going to get married eventually, so they just waited until a time that was good for both of them, quickly planned an awesome wedding and have been great ever since.  Different strokes…

Post # 10
Member
166 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I have a friend who has been engaged for 3 years but fell pregnant shortly after so I assume they put the wedding on hold. Their little girl is 2 now. We’re planning on having a longish engagement (2.5years) but are still discussing the wedding and scouting out venues. I’ve discussed our wedding plans a few times infront of her and she seems completely uninterested. Maybe she’s just a wedding person, maybe she is a bit jealous that they’re not married yet when they have been together longer. I personally think that having their little girl is a much bigger commitment to each other. I just don’t talk ‘Wedding’ around her anymore, which is fine because I have lots of other friends who are very excited 🙂

Post # 11
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Are they just kinda private people? Or maybe just hesitant to share details? My fiance and I haven’t been engaged long and will be married this July but most of our friends and even some of our family don’t know about most of our plans. In fact yesterday we had dinner with both sets of parents and it was the first time I had seen my Future In-Laws since being engaged. My mom was basically horrified that I didn’t go in showing off my ring right away.. Its just kinda not my style to show off or always talk about the upcoming wedding.. Plus I feel like the more we talk about it the more chance someone has to give us their opinion or opposition. In the end its to each their own- maybe they’re just pretty private people

Post # 12
Member
11 posts
Newbee

Oh man… I have a couple friends who are not engaged, but they think they know when they will be engaged, and they already have their weddings planned.  When I announced my potential wedding dates to them — they were upset because I had chosen dates that they wanted — but they weren’t even engaged!!!! 

Ha, this is probably not what you meant in your original post, but you reminded me and I wanted to vent 🙂

Post # 13
Member
2640 posts
Sugar bee

Mmmm… I hve a friend who has been engaged forever.  They don’t plan on getting married.  IS that fake?  Maybe.  What does “engaged” mean to your friend?  IDK.  Different strokes for different folks. 

Post # 14
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’ve been with my fiance for almost 8 years and we’ve been engaged for 3 years and unfortunately we have to deal with rude people who question our committment to one another simply because we haven’t had a wedding yet.  First off there are other things in peoples lives that could prohibit them from getting married within the typical year of being engaged.  For us it was finishing a masters thesis, then one of us losing a job, then both of us find a job then you can’t really pull money out of your a$$.  Second, not every one is in some major rush to get married simply because the knot says you should get married within a year of being engaged. 

Post # 15
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

We were engaged for 3 years before we got married and we didn’t really talk about getting married for the first 2 because it wasn’t really worth it.  We were waiting until we had graduated school to get married so that we wouldn’t upset our parents (and it was easier on us because we didn’t have to worry about losing insurance, etc).

Post # 16
Member
6661 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

I had a friend who was engaged for several years and never wore her ring, in fact, the first time I met her she made a special ‘effort’ to wear it for our mutual friend who introduced us. It is a fabulous ring! Lo and Behold, the next time I hung out wiht her a month later she had bought a dress, set a date and booked a venue. AFter years of not wearing the ring or talking about getting married! She was very independent, definitely wasn’t an ultimatum proposal so I think she just had to get used to the idea.

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