(Closed) Friends who Don’t Get Along

posted 8 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Hostess
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Do you really think that the two of them can’t be civil with eachother during your wedding?  I would feel really bad inviting one of them and not the other and I don’t think it’s fair to invite neither.

Post # 4
Member
2397 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

Have you talked to them about this?  I can kind of relate, as FI’s parents are divorced and they can’t stand each other.  Fiance talked to them about it, and they promised to be on their best behavior our of respect for us.  I wouldn’t expect them to be in the same room for any other day than our wedding.  Do you think that these girls could possibly suck it up for one day, despite what happened this weekend? 

Post # 6
Member
928 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

It must have been really bad drama to make you consider not inviting them. I would definitely not invite one and then the other, that’s just wrong. First, I would talk to both of them and discuss how you feel and that this is your day and you want them both there and to at least be civil if they come in contact with one another. If they have problems with that then at that point, I wouldnt feel bad not inviting one or both. If they cant put their differences aside for YOUR big day, then they’re not being the friends you say that are and need to grow up.

Talk to them about this and that will help you figure out what to do. I’m so sorry 🙁

Post # 8
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t believe you don’t trust them to be civil to each other, are they really that bad? Unless you are only inviting 10 people, surely there will be enough for them to keep occupied and not have to speak to each other. I would speak to both of them alone, say what your concerns are and you don’t want to have to choose between them. I’m sure once they realise your predicament they will promise to behave. Also I promise that as a bride you will not really notice any tension between guests, unless you really do only have 10 of them, or unless it turns into a fist fight. Among our guests was DH’s cousin and his ex gf, who is now a good friend of mine. Apparently they had a very civil conversation and then moved away to spend time with other people. I had no idea though, I was busy! 🙂

PS as someone who is watching her 2 best friends possibly falling out right now, I do feel for you as the one in the middle! And I must say it did cross my mind how pleased I was my wedding was over and I didn’t have to consider that among all the drama. So I know how you’re feeling.

Post # 9
Member
837 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Just invite both of them.  They are adults (at least I hope) and should know how to act properly in society.  If you invite one and not the other or don’t invite either of them YOUR friendship with them is going to be ruined.  If they get out of hand, assign a groomsman or a staff member at your venue to escort them out.  Besides it looks like you have over a year to plan this so you have no idea what will change in that time frame.  And invitations are NOT something you should be ordering this far in advance, you never know what unexceptional change you may have to make, and then you’ve wasted money on useless invitations.  Do things that don’t require times, dates, etc. like centerpieces, guest book, stuff like that.  By the way, we started our guest list a few months after we got engaged (we had over a year as well) and we have made changes as recently as last Friday – a week before our save-the-dates are going out lol.

Hope this helps!

Post # 10
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I say invite them but dont put them at the same table.. they dont need to talk together if they dont want to.. if you think it going to turn bad and that they cant be civil for one day than dont invite them you dont need the drama on your wedding day.. but just talk to them.. tell them what up

Post # 11
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

Well, judging by the wedidng date you have a long time for this situation to change or not to change. 

In my own life, my close friend is in your shoes with me and another girl.  We all used to be friends and now, well, we aren’t anymore.  I’m always very nice to the other girl, who is very very cold to me, because it’s the right thing to do for my close friend.  I would say that you need to be very careful about getting involved in this and by inviting one and not the other, you are treading too heavy on shaky ground.  I really hope for your sake at least one of them acts appropriately – and I would invite both.

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