(Closed) Friends with your ex?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are you friends with an ex?

    No! If I see my ex coming my way, I dive behind the nearest large object.

    We run into each other from time to time, and remain friendly.

    Yeah! I'd consider my ex one of my friends.

  • Post # 16
    Member
    78 posts
    Worker bee

    I don’t see the point of staying friends with exes. maybe it’s different if an ex and I were friends for a long time before dating and some time had passed since our relationship…. but for most cases, the drama associated with being friends with an ex (a lot of SOs are uncomfortable with those friendships – I am one of them) is not worth it. 

    Post # 17
    Member
    969 posts
    Busy bee

    ::buzzer sounds::  No way!  Exes are exes for a reason and keeping them around can only complicate matters, not to mention cause potential problems with future or current relationships.  I never did understand why someone would want to keep an ex as a “friend”.  It just seems to be asking for trouble.

    Post # 18
    Member
    9521 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    It depends on the person. One ex is a great friend and I babysit his 2 year old. Another I wouldn’t piss on if he was on fire. The rest run the gamut. The husband is friends with his exes, we went to the wedding of one

    Post # 19
    Member
    1189 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: February 2016

    I have 3 “serious” exes (more than a year together) – one of them, P, I dislike as a person because I think he’s manipulative, but he’s also very fun and charismatic. I’d have no problem hanging out with him in a group, but there’s no WAY I’d hang out with him alone. The second one, S, is the type who hates my guts – not because I did anything wrong (I ended it gently, with plenty of warning and chances to fix things) – but because I chose to leave and then found someone else. So childish.

    The third one, A, was my BEST friend through high school/university years. He expressed interest after about 6 years of close friendship, and I basically gave it a shot because I thought he was such a good person. It didn’t work out; we were MUCH better together as friends. After a year, I ended things. It was mildly awkward for a year, and then he found the person who eventually became his wife, who I ADORE, and we are all very close friends now! In fact, he was a groomsman in my wedding! 

    Post # 20
    Member
    4234 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2012

    I am. This ex and I split bc there was just no real spark. Now he’s engaged to a woman he was friends with at the time, who is SUCH a better fit than we ever were. 

    I think it really depends on how things ended…DH keeps in touch with an ex casually, and I don’t care. He chose to marry me.

    Post # 21
    Member
    5152 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: June 2014

    View original reply
    @rainy578  I’ve never been friends with an ex. In fact, once we break up, I never speak to them again. I don’t see the point. 

    Post # 22
    Member
    5870 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have no hard feelings towards any of my ex’s (none of them every did me wrong in any big way, we just weren’t meant to be long term) so if I run into them I’m totally friendly. But I am not one to go out of my way to hang out with ex’s, especially not 1:1…I don’t think that’s super healthy unless you are both 100% over each other (which is uncommon).

    That said, I’ve been with DH for 10 years so all my ex’s are from a million years ago (and there are only a few of them).

    Post # 23
    Member
    273 posts
    Helper bee

    Just because a breakup was amicable and you truly wish each other the best doesn’t mean you have to remain BFFs. I have two exes whom I truly hope are doing well, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to call them up or meet them for lunch. Just leave the past in the past.

    I was raised better than to wish death upon someone else but let’s just say that I would smile if my ex-husband fell into a coma.

    Post # 24
    Member
    7982 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I am friendly with my ex husband. When my family took a Disney vacation he and his new wife met us at Epcot for the day since they don’t live far from there. We do share a daughter together- so that’s part of it. But even if we didn’t, if I was in his area I would still call him up to have lunch.

    Post # 25
    Member
    34 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: July 2014

    I think there is no point . If it’s your ex there is a reason , it did not workout between you and him/her . Sooner or later you would have problems with your other half !

    it might not be a problem at the beginning but … 

    If you broke up with somebody and you both decide that , and you are mature enough you can stay friends .. Not talk to them all the time . But if you see them around just say hi . 

    Some exes come back to cause problems , try to ruin your relationship.. Bring old memories up .. But it’s up to you to act properly if you are married /engaged or already have a life with somebody else ! 

     

    Sorry my grammar is   not perfect , English is not my first language lol 

    Post # 26
    Member
    324 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2016

    View original reply
    @rainy578  I’m of the mindset that anyone I dated for more than 2 years should not still be in my close friend circle–it’s too hard for me with that much history, memories, etc. I don’t speak to any of my exes except one who I dated for about 3 weeks so I’m not sure he can even be considered an ex. Otherwise, I really don’t see why people stay in touch–RARELY have I met people who say they are friends with their exes and it has all worked out perfectly (it always gets complicated–one secretly still loves the other/is great until you start dating someone else, etc). I think for most people it is just too painful and/or complicated. I think I’m slightly biased though, because I have had the ex factor blow up in my face a number of times and seen my friends slowly burn bridges with exes as the years go on. I don’t think I really know anyone off the top of my head who is still truly friends with their exes–maybe acquaintances or friendly, but not BFFs

    Post # 27
    Member
    2887 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2017

    I am friends with a guy I dated for about 6 months last year. 

    It’s kind of a weird situation though. My good friend’s husband was roommates in college with this guy and that’s how we met. Their guy friends became my friends, so even after we broke up, I stayed friends with the other guys. My ex knows this, and I think he was a bit bothered about this at first, but it was his fault the relationship ended, and his friends made it clear that they wanted to stay friends.

    We see each other quite often, actually, and he does have a girlfriend who is not too happy that I hang out with this group. We don’t text or talk outside the group though. My boyfriend has been cool about it. He knows I would never get back together with him so he’s not threatened. I think if we had dated years and years, it would be a different story.

    Post # 28
    Member
    1414 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    View original reply
    @rainy578  I’m friends with those of my exes that I was friends with first! 

    Post # 29
    Member
    658 posts
    Busy bee

    I used to be friends with one of my exes (he was two exes ago). We would talk once a month in up until he got married last year. My current partner was ok with it but I think his wife was uncomfortable with us talking (even if we are half a country away). I was very surprised and hurt that I wasn’t invited to the wedding. I can totally understand but it makes me sadder that we don’t talk than that we ever broke up in the first place. “It is better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.” I don’t know if that applies to friendships. 

    For us, it wasn’t about reliving the past or anything. We just wanted to know that the other person was ok and needed a friend of the opposite gender do bounce thoughts and ideas off of sometime. 

    Post # 30
    Member
    252 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: October 2019 - .

    I wouldn’t say I’m friends with my exes, but I’m not going to treat them like strangers if I were to bump into any of them. I have mutual friends with a few of them, so it happens from time to time. I think it’s ok to be friends with an ex, but only if it’s not an issue with your SO. I wouldn’t let an ex get in the way of you having a good relationship with your SO, even if you guys can make being friends work, it’s not worth it.

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