(Closed) Friends with your ex?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are you friends with an ex?

    No! If I see my ex coming my way, I dive behind the nearest large object.

    We run into each other from time to time, and remain friendly.

    Yeah! I'd consider my ex one of my friends.

  • Post # 31
    Hostess
    4398 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: December 2016

    I am friends with my ex-husband. We have 2 kids together, we’ve been divorced for a decade, we co-parent and are still very much a family. He gets along great with SO, our families get along, we place a huge amount of importance on being a family unit, even if it’s a weird one. Actually exH’s mom and SO’s mom have become good friends.  We have endured every freaking judgement and rumor under the sun, but we have chosen to do what works for us. I just love it when people make blanket statements about what is healthy and what is not in a relationship and that one should never ever ever maintain any sort of connection with someone they once loved. Thanks for your input, but I’m gonna just do me… Ugh. 

    I also have one of those “I wouldn’t pee on him if he was on fire exes” so I don’t feel like I need to maintain contact with all of them. 

    Post # 32
    Member
    6947 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2015

    I’m FB friends with all my exes.  Two were from high school and don’t really count, but I like to take notice of their life once in awhile.  We were all good buddies into college, well after high school dumping took place.  The other was about a half a year relationship – we were in the same hobby so we definitely kept hanging around each other after I decided we should split.  Shared car rides were a little awkward but things improved once he got a new girl.  Now I’ve moved across country and a year or so later he came out this way as well (as did another one of our hobby friends).  We’re all a few hours from each other, but I did send him some seeds from a plant I took from his mom’s garden and again, we take note of each other’s lives on FB.  Should it ever occur to us, we’d probably go hiking all together someday.  If my husband begrudged me that mild of a friendship, I wouldn’t have married him!  However, I doubt he’d be thrilled if we were “super close” – that’d just be kinda uncomfortable, I’d think.

    Post # 33
    Member
    739 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2016

    I am of both minds – I try to maintain a friendship with my most recent ex of 3.5 years but .. well, it’s not easy. He regrets our break up and is lonely 3,000 miles from home so it’s not always the easiest to maintain a friendship.

    Obviously it’s really hard for him to think of my new life with the man I’m about to marry but I still take to heart the day we agreed “I will always be a part of your support system – even if we break up or you break my heart” so I try to stick to that. If you end a relationship amiably, I don’t see why you should completely kick someone out of your life. And if you trust yourself and your partner is comfortable with it, etc – then I think friendship is honestly worth it with someone who learned so much about you and truly still cares about you, vise versa.

    Definitely situational 😊

    Post # 34
    Member
    1349 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 2019

    I have a bit of a scorched earth policy when it comes to exes–at least considering at this point that I’ve always been the one broken up with. Pretty much if you break up with me that’s going to be the last time we ever speak if I can help it.

    I know myself and that I’ll put my life on hold to sit and dwell and wonder what the hell went wrong, so I just set flame to the relationship bridge as soon as possible. It sounds extreme, but you can bet that within the week there will be no digital or physical trace we ever dated.

    Post # 35
    Member
    460 posts
    Helper bee

    I only have one ex and he was put on ignore the day and hour we split up. 

    Post # 37
    Member
    965 posts
    Busy bee

    I have a no ex policy. The only exception is if theirs children involved. 

    Post # 38
    Member
    705 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Only friends with exes on Facebook and have no intention of wanting to be friends in real life. I do sometimes see one of them in social gatherings so we greet politely, but that’s all (and I’m usually with my DH in these events). 

    Post # 39
    Member
    2118 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I’m good friends with my ex-Husband.

    We talk everyday about most things – work, our new partners, movies, mutual friends etc

    It’s nice and we have lunch maybe once a week as we work near each other. We are both happy we were able to end our marriage on such good terms.

    Post # 40
    Member
    2044 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I can’t really answer this as I live 2k miles away from almost all of my exes?

     

    I have one guy I used to hook up with that had this like “I don’t date anyone ever” policy that like, confessed his love for me not long after Fiance and I met and we are still friends but it’s starting to get awkward 🙁

    Post # 41
    Member
    538 posts
    Busy bee

    View original reply
    rainy578:  I’m kind of surprised that your therapist expressed that view, as a blanket statement. Doesn’t it just obviously depend on the circumstances of the relationship and break up, whether you were friends before etc.?? The responses here indicate as such.

    Post # 42
    Member
    9128 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    gogglefruits:  This exactly. Therapists aren’t supposed to make blanket statements like that. Time for a new therapist I say. 

    OP I am friends with all my exes and my husband is with a few of his. We both had exes at our wedding and we have dinner often with them. Just because we didn’t work out romantically does not mean they aren’t great people who enrich our lives by being in them. I think a blanket no exes policy is silly. 

    Post # 43
    Member
    1311 posts
    Bumble bee

    Nope. 

    My ex was an emotionally abusive narcissist. My other ex still has feelings for me even tho we dated 5 years ago (we reconnected right before I met my husband so obviously nothing ever happened).

    Post # 44
    Member
    681 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: March 2013

    Im with your marriage counselor and husband. If i could live the rest of my life without seeing them again it will be too soon.

    My first ex was an habitual cheater, entirely too old (hindsight), was just a horrible person to me.

    Second ex was abusive. Got bad before i left 

    Those are my only serious relationships lating longer than 3 months (until my now hisband who is totally awesome).

    If it was a more civil split, like my shorter term relationships, id probably be happy to run into them and say hello but i wouldnt befriend them on social media or exchange contact info. Leave it at a “nice to see you” and move on.

    I have a marriage where we are not friends with the opposite sex. We agreed to this during premarital sessio s with out pastor who suggested it. Im friends with his friends and hes friends with mine but we dont have our own seperate friends of the opposite sex and never hang out with any of them alone. So exes are obviously out of the question.

    It works for us

    Post # 45
    Member
    5940 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    rainy578:  Definitely depends on the situation. But in my case, I am friends with my ex husband. We have dinner a couple times a year and text like once a month. I’m also friends with a very long ago boyfriend. He’s one of my best friends actually. My husband is very secure in our relationship so it doesn’t bother him. And he has nothing to worry about for sure!

    The topic ‘Friends with your ex?’ is closed to new replies.

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