(Closed) Friends with your ex?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Are you friends with an ex?

    No! If I see my ex coming my way, I dive behind the nearest large object.

    We run into each other from time to time, and remain friendly.

    Yeah! I'd consider my ex one of my friends.

  • Post # 46
    Member
    697 posts
    Busy bee

    For my SO and I, even though neither of us would be rude to our exes if we seen them in public, but we aren’t actively friends with them. In the very beginning of our relationship my SO briefly (like 20 minutes tops) seen an ex for coffee however I told him it made me uncomforable, not because I don’t trust him but because I just didn’t like it due to the fact I stopped talking to mine when him and I started dating, so he’s never actively hung out with her again.

    My thought on it is, there’s always some lingering feelings at least on one side of the “I’m friends with my ex” equation, and I just don’t think either party in a healthy relationship would really have a reason to be chummy with an ex. To each is own, but that’s just my opinion.

    Post # 47
    Member
    82 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: August 2016

    I think it depends  very much on how your realtionship ended. My two closest ex’s wil be coming to our wedding and my Fiance is fine with that. One is gay and has a lovely boyfriend, the other we see regularly and has a lovely girlfriend. The one who lives close by I would meet every few weeks for coffee, him and his girlfriend get my Fiance christmas and birthday gifts and we do the same for them. It ended because we outgrew each other, there is nothing left unsaid or any possible chance of anything ever happening between us. He’s like my brother, which isn’t a great thing to say about someone you went out with for 6 years! But he’s a good guy and a good friend. If it ended badly or there was cheating or one of us was heartbroken I don’t think I’d be quite as open to the freindship. 

    Post # 48
    Hostess
    4128 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    I only have a few exes and they all live 3-12 hours away. I don’t have any contact with them, but was friendly with the ex right before my Fiance for a bit afterward. If I ran into most of them, I would say hi and there would be some small talk, but we are not besties by any means. I think exes can be friends depending on the circumstances, but both people have to want that. Didn’t work that way for me.

    Post # 49
    Member
    8990 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    View original reply
    rainy578:  Mine varies by the ex in question lol. There are a few guys that I have dated in the past that are still in my friend circles and my husband and I are friendly with them. I have one ex that dropped off the face of the planet and I have no idea what he’s up to, but if I ran into him it would be fine. But THE EX, the only other one that I discussed having a future with before my husband, oh geez I hope my husband never runs into him! He was a total bastard and, while I’ve forgiven him and we were friendly the last time we ran into each other, I’m pretty sure my husband would cold-clock him. 

    Post # 50
    Member
    4227 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

    It depends on who did the dumping. An ex who dumped me I will NOT be friends with on principal. Exex who I dumped, I play by ear. I have stayed friendly with several of my exes, but the friendship eventually (and amicably) fades as both parties move on. I am currently only actual friends with one ex. The reason this one has stuck around is he is english as a second language, and I am the only ‘proof reader’ he trusts.

    Post # 51
    Member
    32 posts
    Newbee
    • Wedding: May 2017

    I voted friendly as in, we say hello cordially like adults, but in general I would be fine with never seeing one of my exs ever again.

    Post # 52
    Member
    1128 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    View original reply
    thepinkflamingo:  I am in the same boat as you. We weren’t meant to be married but we are very good friends. Every day I am grateful for that.

    Post # 53
    Member
    2596 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2016

    I’m friends with a couple of my ex’s. I think that if it doesn’t bother your SO, then why not?

    Post # 54
    Member
    5083 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: December 2014

    Nope. Not friends with any exes. I would be nice if I saw them in public, but all of them live in a different state than me, so it’d be hard to run into them. I’m not friends with any of them on social media (except for some on linkedin, but I don’t really use that socially). I have no desire to see or hear from any of them, even if the break up was amicable.

    DH is “friends” with one of his exes, though she lives across the country, is newly married and just had a baby. I also don’t think they dated very seriously. He only talks to her occasionally on facebook or on the phone maybe once a year and he will probably never see her in person ever again.

    I think it’s possible to have a successful friendship with an ex under certain circumstances and I’ve seen it work out on occasion, but I just never felt comfortable with it with any of my exes.

    Post # 55
    Member
    563 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2018

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    rainy578:  My bf and I both agree that our ex’s need to stay in the past. The history is just too strong, and it makes no sense to be reminded of old memories. We are both much happier this way. No drama. I am on good terms with one of my ex’s, but I don’t talk or hang out with him.

    Post # 56
    Member
    369 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2017

    I am friends with my ex but not to the point of hanging out. If I want to go hang with a man other than my partner, that’s where the gays come in.

    Post # 57
    Member
    1604 posts
    Bumble bee

    View original reply
    rainy578:  I think it varies from person to person and the ex that you are dealing with. 

    Personally for me? No. My ex was an arsehole and was sexually abusive towards me. There is no way in hell I would want to be in contact with him, he makes my skin crawl. 

    However, my fiancé is civil with a couple of his and I have no problems with that. He knows where the line is and if crossed knows I would be gone.

    Post # 58
    Member
    6935 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2016

    My ex from over 15 years ago (high school) is in my wedding, standing up on my side as Man of Honor. He’s my best friend. And Fiance loves him too. 

    However there are certainly some exes that I’m not friends with. It all depends on the person and the circumstance.

    Post # 59
    Member
    564 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 2016

    Both my Fiance and I are still friendly with an ex – the significant and lengthy relationship each of us had before we met each other (he and his ex actually lived together for years). For him, I think he used to be closer to her but since we’ve been together I think they’re a lot more distant. They used to hang out every now and again without me in our first year of dating, but not anymore. But I know they still talk and she is invited to our wedding. (I’ve even been on vacation with the woman – destination wedding of a mutual friend). 

    My ex lives in another state but we catch up on the phone every couple of months or so and text or email once in a while. Still not sure if he’s going on the invite list. I was not invited to his wedding but he claims that’s only because it was small and last minute and says he would be open to coming to mine. 

    Post # 60
    Member
    286 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Not friends, but we are cordial if we run into each other. I don’t see any point in maintaining a friendship with someone I once had a romatic relationship with. If we were friends prior to that and were just bad as more than friends, perhaps I’d be open to it.

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