(Closed) Friendship ending with bridesmaids?

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Im sorry this happened to you, its difficult.. but this happens so often. I still cant figure out why. People say jelously, but is that really why during the happiest time in our lives some of dearest “friends” seem to turn on us? I dont know.. but here is my story. 

I was engaged for about two years before I got to start planning my wedding. We saved and saved, and knew we wanted it a certian way, and were willing to wait unti it was possible for us. Ive been activaly planning now for about 8 months and my wedding is 6 weeks away (yay!).

But…

i had a friend.. a best friend… she lives with her “husband” who was really not her husband, but they live together, have two children, and she wears a wedding band and they have been together for 8 years. He, for some reason, will not and has not purposed or been willing to give her the wedding she wanted so much (shes very simple too, and wouldnt ever have expected something elbaorate). Although, he has money, quite a bit actually, so finances werent the issue.. anyway… when I FINALLY got to start planning (after two years of being engaged and waiting- you can imagine how excited my Fiance and I were to finally be able to get married).. I of course, ask her to be my MOH! I thought she would be so happy and excited, just like I was.. but, not so much. She made snarky comments, wouldnt show up for appointments, and even started picking fights with me about silly things from when we were 8 years old (we had been friends since we were ittle girls!)! I even told her once just in conversation “maybe this wedding will help RH(her boyfriend, man she lived with, father to her children..) start to get wedding fever! This could be great for us both!” And she shot me a look from hell like i had just said something terrible!?

To make a long story short, she ened up not showing up to shop for dresses with me, and left me at dress appt, alone. I told her i was hurt, and ask her why she was doing this, isnt she happy for me? i didnt understand… she told me i was a selfish friend, a horrible person, and that she had secretly hated me for years? Needless to say.. we havent spoke since that conversation, and it hurt me really bad

Post # 6
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@preppysouthernbride:  

Thank you so much! 🙂

Its is just really hard for some people to be happy for someone else if they arent happy in their own life, and with themselves. Its ok though, we press on, and move on, and try to enrich our own lives with as much love and joy as possible. I wish the same for them (your former friends AND mine, lol)!

 

Post # 7
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My friendship with my co-MOH has cooled significantly, but that trend started pretty early in the planning process for reasons completely unrelated to the wedding.  I knew within a few months of asking her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor that I had made a mistake but I also knew it would be awful to ask her to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man instead.  So I asked my sister to be co-MOH.

The decision to ask my friend to be Maid/Matron of Honor is one of the few regrets I have with respect to the wedding.  Mostly because I have no idea if having her in the wedding party exacerbated the issues we were having – maybe our friendship would be stronger if she’d just attended the wedding as a guest.  All I know is that we’re not on the same wavelength right now.  Hopefully that will change in the future.

Post # 8
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@preppysouthernbride:  I’m sorry this happenend to you. If it makes you feel any better my Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and she has been nothing but a headache during my entire experience. My wedding is in 3 weeks and she hasn’t even called to see if I need help or ask me about my hair trial is or anything! Before I got engaged our relationship was just fine. We hung out at least once aweek, we talked or text everyday. The day after my engagement I asked her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and about a month later when we were dress shopping I regretted my desicion. She has been negative, she has barely helped with anything and has also bailed on appts. She owes my one and only bridesmaid $400 from my shower that she didn’t even help with and it took place back in April and she hasn’t made an effort to pay her back. After my big day I plan on taking a nice long break from her….oh and she called me selfish too for wanting to get a pedicure at a nice spa the day before my wedding.

I think women act like this because their not happy in their own lives.

Post # 9
Member
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@preppysouthernbride:  My Maid/Matron of Honor has been awful too. We have always been somewhat competitive with eachother, but that’s just us and I guess I didn’t think it would affect the wedding? Wrong. I’ve gotten nothing but how I’m such a bridezilla and so ‘ridiculous’. She completely effed up my shower and now my bachelorette (after INSISTING on doing both herself) At one point she actually threatened to not be in my wedding over her HAIR. It’s just been nothing but fighting. Every decision I make she fights me on, even stupid little things.

 

She has made the desicion to focus on her career, and is all judgey with me for choosing to marry a man with three kids. That I’m different, I’m a ‘MOM’ now (said like that’s the worste thing in the world). I’m pretty sure it comes down to jealousy though – she hates the fact that ppl are paying attention to me and not her. That she is dating a complete player and I’m getting married. I mean, she asked for longer to get ready day of than I need! Her reasoning? ‘These pictures are really important I have to look perfect’. Umm yeah, really important for ME, you know, the bride?

 

I just want to get through this wedding with her, and then I assume we will go our separate ways naturally. She has shown me her true colors, what sort of friend she really is, and I just don’t need that in my life right now – or ever. If you don’t support me you can keep moving. I’m not going to tell her off or anything like that, I know it will happen on it’s own.

 

Post # 11
Member
266 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I truly believe that weddings can bring out the worst in people (and the best in people)!

My Maid/Matron of Honor (maybe I should start calling them Co-MOH since there are 2?) is getting married this weekend, and I’m very happy for her, but can’t help feeling a little sad that my own wedding isn’t until next September.  We got engaged 3 months apart, and part of scheduling our wedding later was in order to avoid any competition with planning and time commitments (ie Bride Wars LOL), and also because I wanted to wait until I graduate next spring.  Overall I’m happy with our choice, but it’s hard to see the wedding flaunted in my face as we go about her wedding festivities.  I think I’ve done a great job of keeping my personal feelings out of it and I’m doing the best I can to be the best Bridesmaid or Best Man and friend that I can be right now.

I can’t say the same for the rest of the bridal party, though, and some things just make you wonder “who ARE these people!?” even if you’ve known them for years.  It’s really bizarre.  I think after the wedding is over, we will all have to take a break from each other because after a year and a half of being connected with them (in the wedding) and dealing with all the drama and headaches, I think we’re all just sick of each other!  Which is fine by me, I need a break anyway.  Maybe we will all get back together and be friends again afterward, and maybe we won’t.  I do believe whatever happens, it will be for the best.

Wishing all of you girls well… good luck!

Post # 12
Member
496 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I am no longer friends with one of my ex-bridesmaids. She let me down as well and I don’t think I will forgive her for hurting me the way she did. I don’t care if we’re not friends anymore. It was only a matter of time and the wedding is what pulled the last straw. 

Post # 13
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I think sometimes weddings bring out the worst in people. Maybe your expectations were too high? Maybe they didn’t realize what was expected of them? I would try talking to them about the incidents that occured and letting them know how you feel. But also give them the chance to express how they feel. If they get all bent out of shape or can’t handle what you have to say….move on.

 

Events like this can show you who and who aren’t your true friends. So try to count it as a lesson learned or a blessing in disguise.

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