(Closed) Friendship Fall Out

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
35 posts
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow, I’m so sorry you had to experience this with a so-called friend.  I personally haven’t encountered something like this, but it certainly sounds like you are better off without this person in your life.

No real friend could ever say such awful things about someone, especially publicy like she did.  It sounds like she has some sort of entitlement issue, or maybe she’s actually insecure about her own life in some ways and has to talk herself up to everyone around her, including herself. 

I know this is painful, but truthfully, you are better off without someone like her in your life.  And I especially think that what she said about not knowing true happiness until you have children is completely untrue.  I believe that you have to be content with yourself, and love yourself before you can truly give yourself to someone else.

So enjoy your day, and hopefully this will become less and less painful! Good luck to you.

Post # 4
151 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Wow, I am so sorry you had to deal with this. It’s a terrible feeling to realize that you completely misjudged someone who you once considered your best friend. However, I think you should look at this as a blessing in disguise that this person will no longer be in your life. A true friend would never have acted towards you the way that she did. And the fact that she got her mom involved in it too is just extremely childish! There are some people who can only be friends with you if they feel they are in some way “better” than you (i.e. your friend being married and having kids, and you being single), and feel threatened and insecure once you do become successful in love and other areas of your life, and are happy with your life. I know it hurts now, but know that you are definitely better off without her.

Post # 5
1480 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Wow, that is truly awful. To me, looking in from the outside, it seems obvious that she is very insecure and unsatisfied with her life. People who constantly need to brag about how happy and fulfilled they are, rarely actually are. The fact that she was constantly using these brags to put you down, and then went on a crazy internet rampage to slander you, well… she seems like a deeply unhappy and angry person to me.

I feel your pain, because I’m in the middle of a similar friendship fall out. So much of what you said really struck a chord with me!

My ex-best friend and I were so close in high school and undergrad. We did and experienced so much together. I think it started going sour when my friend and I both applied to post-undergrad programs, and I got in but she didn’t. Looking back, that’s when all the snide, snarky comments from her started.

Since she wasn’t going to school anymore, she started working full-time and moved out on her own. I was in a very demanding, competitive program and yes, my parents helped me out with tuition, but I took out student loans and worked part-time to cover expenses. It definitely wasn’t an easy ride. My friend didn’t see it that way… not that she ever asked, she simply assumed that I was coasting through life on my parents’ dime.

During this time, she would always make snarky comments implying that she was the mature, grown-up one, and I was the irresponsible, childish one, and that I had no idea about “real life.” I would tell her things in confidence that best friends should be able to share with each other, like stuff that’s embarrassing or mistakes that I wasn’t too proud of, and she would find a way to use the information against me. She started to sound like my mother the way she would lecture me on all the things she thought I was doing wrong, and smugly saying, “You’ll see!” whenever I disagreed with her.

Things got worse after I graduated with my degree, and with an amazing new boyfriend (now my DH). I moved out on my own right after I started working. Meanwhile, my friend was only doing so-so in her career path, and struggling financially due to her compulsive spending habits. She also had a new boyfriend, who had moved in with her.

My friend did not like that she was “the grown up one” and yet she was struggling to pay her bills, meanwhile me, the “the irresponsible one” was doing great at my new job and not having any trouble balancing my budget. So now that she could no longer lecture me about being irresponsible, she went after my relationship instead. She felt threatened that my boyfriend was more educated, more successful, better looking, and more popular than hers. She made snarky comments about any little thing she could possibly latch onto about my boyfriend and our relationship. Some of the things she said were so ridiculous, I would have laughed if I wasn’t so hurt.

I won’t even get started on the drama of my friend getting engaged, and then having to put off her wedding over and over again because of the crippling debt she had racked up. I was afraid to tell her when I got engaged, and rightly so. She flipped out after finding out that I’d be married before her (she still hasn’t set a date yet) and basically told me it was a horrible idea and I’d be making a big mistake. She did apologize later on, but the damage was done. I saw that ugly side of her in all its glory, the one that I’d been catching glimpses of for years.

The thing is, I have never, ever wanted to be in a competition with my friend. I stopped talking to her about my accomplishments or my relationship, because I knew she would just get angry and pick me apart. I began to dread talking to her or hanging out with her, because I knew that even if I tried to avoid these sensitive topics, she would bring them up. She’s the only one keeping track of points, and unfortunately for our friendship, I’m the one who’s “winning”… and the more I “win” at the competition in her head, the meaner she gets and the further we grow apart.

I applaud you for having the guts to stand up for yourself and tell her how you really felt. I’m not there yet, but I feel that I’ll be reaching the breaking point soon.

Post # 6
646 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Now that you’re in the legal field, I would contact all of the blogs and websites and demand that the nasty, untrue things about you be immediately removed. The website should also be able to block this “friend” and her mother from posting at all.

Post # 7
485 posts
Helper bee

Sorry to hear that you are going through this!

I went through a painful fall out of a friendship as well last night. This girl, let’s call her C, and I met in university and become close friends when we were undergraduates. We also studied for a master’s together, which is the year I met my Boyfriend or Best Friend. As soon as I started dating him, C who was single, started making remarks such as “You shouldn’t get too excited about this relationship as you never know what will happen”. WFT, how inappropriate and unnecessary! Those snide remarks continued for months.

Towards the end of our master’s C and I moved in together. At that point, Boyfriend or Best Friend and I had been dating for about 6 months, and we had both began to realise that we wanted a future together, so we started tentatively discussing moving in together after my house contract with C was to end. When I told C about this, she said that I shouldn’t think about things like moving in together and buying a house with Boyfriend or Best Friend as “anything can happen”!!! Those remarks were completely out of order and also had nothing to do with my relationship; they were simply born out of bitterness as she broke up with a serious Boyfriend or Best Friend about a year before I met Boyfriend or Best Friend.

Our friendship began to fall apart, and even though we shared a house C and I hardly ever saw each other. We moved out of our shared house after 6 months, and since when I have only seen her a few times and only as part of a larger group.

In September another friend of mine, who is now C’s housemate, told me that C has basically helped perpetuating a really nasty rumour about me in the university department where we both studied. I graduated in September 2009 but C is still in university doing ph.d. research, and thanks to her this horrible rumour is still alive and well.

I have never confronted her about this, I have basically just cut off all contact with her. I am so much better off without this “friend” in my life.

Post # 11
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

This is so insane – and eerily familiar! Except my “friend” was judging me for being in a relationship that was “too serious.” We haven’t talked in almost 2 years and it’s the BEST DECISION I HAVE EVER MADE in regards to her. Seriously, she was draining, dramatic, and immature. I basically told her to never contact me again and to keep her drama to herself. Then I got a lovely email from her younger sister saying I’m a b*tch, I’ve “changed myself for a man,” I was never a good friend, ya da ya da. I was like, except we were “best friends” for almost 7 years and those issues never came up until I had a boyfriend (who is now my FI) and she kept cheating on her boyfriends. Lol. Women can be soooo judgmental and insane if you don’t agree with everything they do. :p

Glad to hear you got their crazy rants taken off those sites, OP.

Post # 12
485 posts
Helper bee

@BridalBlondie: Yes cutting off contact with her was definitely the best decision. I can’t take any more of her negativity and relationship drama; she currently has a boyfriend but according to Facebook it is “complicated” Undecided

Post # 13
485 posts
Helper bee

Double post

Post # 14
624 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

A lot of girls are shady, and just plain up crazy.  I’ve always found there was a lot less drama with my guy friends.

I was very close with 2 girls for almost 10 years, a year and a half ago 1 died (I still miss her everyday, she would have been my Maid/Matron of Honor.)  I’m not sure if the other’s behavior changed, or I just was able to see how hurtful her actions were and realized that I was holding on to her for the wrong reasons. Either way, after a number of different incidents that left me hysterically crying (I’m not that emotional, it took me a week b4 i could cry over her death) I realized that she was toxic and it was time to let go.

I could write a book on the hurtful things this girl did but I’m just gonna tell you one, it actually had me laughing when I recalled it, even though it was proof that she wasn’t a friend.  A few months before Fiance proposed (it was past the 3 year mark for us) we were talking and out of nowhere this girl says to me “I’m gonna get married before you,” I was baffled, and she was single.

Post # 16
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

She sounds like a terrible friend. It sucks but what they say is true “You find out who your friends are”. The older I got the less amount of friends I have. It happens. People grow apart.

I had a best, best friend like you that I also referred to as a “sister”. Her family was my second family. We had became friends when I was 12 (she was 11) and when I was about 20 is when things started to go south. We went through a drinking phase and wanted to drink all the time and just do stupid things. Eventually, she stopped calling me and wouldn’t call me back and I found out through a mutual friend that she thought I was “depressing” and couldn’t be around someone who “brought her down”. I was caught off guard because she was the one who would be in her room listening to depressing music with her head face down in her pillow. I thought, if she wanted to be like that, then fine. I was so upset that my best friend, my “sister” would just cut me out like that. I was extremely hurt and resentful and got drunk and told our mutual friends really private things about her. I was wrong for doing this but I was hurt. She called me in the middle of the night and asked me why I did it and I couldn’t give her an answer. No matter the reason she cut me out, I should have never told anyone her secrets. I was just hurt. Anyways, we would meet up here and there but have never been the same friends to each other as we used to be. I would never trust her again and I’m sure she would never trust me. But like I said, you grow up and grow apart.

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