(Closed) friendship in tatters…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Would it be possible to send the girls you care about the most in your former “group” a private message apologizing for your behavior and explaining to them what was going on in your life? If they were unaware of all the pressures you had on you, they maybe thought you were just being pissy… :/ 

Post # 4
Member
1595 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Why was this couple condescending to you? I feel like there is more to the story…Is there anyway you can provide more info without giving too much personal detail?

Post # 5
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You have been friends with her since you were eleven so confront it head on. Tell her in person you don’t want there to be awkwardness between you and talk it out. It’s the only way. Think of it like ripping off a bandaid just do it!

Post # 7
Member
1627 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Yeah, unfortunately it sounds like this couple/old friends are toxic and not the kind of people you want it your life.  Unfortunately, if you value “L’s” friendship, I think like other pp’s said, you need to confront her head on.  She definitely can be friends with whomever she wants so I wouldn’t approach it with that in mind.  I would approach it that you don’t want there to be akward tension and you want your true, fun, friendship back. I would talk out what YOU AND HER can do to mend some trust issues and be great friends again.  Just be honest and empathetic. 

Post # 8
Member
2607 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2009

Your friendship may have ended with the other couple, and a few other mutual friends, but I don’t understand why you are letting it affect your friendship with L so much.  So you don’t see her as often…you’re engaged now, and it’s normal that as friends get older and develop other friends and start families, they stop spending as much time together.  It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with the friendship.

I dunno…the other couple has treated you pretty shittily.  And IDEALLY, your oldest friend would say, “You know what?  I don’t want to be friends with someone who would treat Strace like that.”  But she hasn’t done that, and even though it’s sucky, she DOES have a right to be friends with whoever she wants to be.  Hopefully she never finds herself in a situation that warrants being mocked and belittled by this couple she calls her friends, (not sure if they are just assholes to everyone, or if they didn’t like the two of you for some reason and took it out on you in the way they did).

But really, other than choosing to remain friends with these people, what has she done to have your friendship “in tatters”?  You have no proof that she is talking about you to this other couple.  It seems like she has stood by you through your depression and your hard times, and CONTINUES to stand by you and be you friend even though the rest of your group has cut ties.  I personally don’t see why you are letting this affect you friendship and make you regret asking her to be a Bridesmaid.  

Post # 9
Member
3255 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@Stace126:  I firmly believe that you should only have healthy, supportive people in your life, regardless of whether you’ve been friends for years. If they knew what was going on and still acted the way they did, then take it as a blessing that it happened now and move forward with your life. I know that’s easier said than done, but it’s so important.

Post # 10
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

There’s an expression I use a lot when people treat me like shit. “Goodbye!”

Post # 11
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Stace126:  Is it possible there is a little resentment that she still maintains a relationship with this other group?  The reason I ask is it’s likely that you are the one making it awkward.  Just throwing that out there, something to consider.  Think about it… if you are the one that’s hanging onto this issue you have to decide if you want to let it go.  I think you should and try to work on this relationship with your friend.  A falling out with someone else is not worth losing this friendship.  Good luck

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I had a similar situation with a toxic ex-friend who I cut out of my life; we were in a group of girls who’d been friends since sixth grade or so (we are now in our forties). The other girls are still friends with her; they recognize that she was awful to me, and agreed with my decision to cut her out of my life, and in return I recognize that their relationships with her are different than mine was. My Maid/Matron of Honor is still friends with both of us, and that’s fine.

If you really can’t be friends with L for other reasons, that’s fine. But cutting her off simply because she is still friends with the couple seems wrong. 

 

 

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