Post # 1
I have a beautiful step daughter who is absolutely my favorite little person in this world! My Darling Husband and his ex wife were married for a short period of time. (like less then 2 months short..yeah, really!) I’ve heard the stories about, “what she did….what she said…she is this….she is that…..’
Our relationship, if you will, started by her including my name on crafts and cards my step daughter makes for my Darling Husband and I. After many of those fridge decorations, I thought I should let her know my appreciation. I wrote her a letter and included it in a bag of my step daughters clothes that went to her mothers house. After that, she sent me a message on FB. Before you knew it we were texting pictures of the little one back and forth. We have formed some-sort of friendship. It’s really nice actually. She and I seem to have a lot in common and also share one very important interest…the well-being of her daughter/my step daughter. My Darling Husband doesn’t particulary care for our new-found friendship but likes that we keep an open communication that was lacking for a couple of years. I don’t text her as much as she does me. But, I am a nice person and will conversate right back with her. She is expecting another child and Darling Husband and I are TTC, so we discuss babies and birth as well.
My only fear is…this could be a bad thing. I do not let her into our personal business at all. She has her life with my step daughter and visa versa. But, I wonder if creating some sort of a friendship with her will blow up in my face. Should I try to slowly ween myself out of conversations with her? Or should I keep this communication open and just stick to the basics of my step daughter?
I have been royally screwed over by female friendships in the past. Of course, this is a whole new ball of wax and I’m just not certain I’m being as smart as I should be. Advice?
Post # 3
I think you should keep the communication open. It is truely best for your step daughter for her parents to all get a long and this will just make it a happier environment for her. If you cut ties with her it could be really awkward at school plays, birthday parties, etc.
Post # 4
I’m so jealous!! Just count yourself lucky she doesn’t have a colorful nickname for you and doesn’t call screaming and crying all day and night. I’ve never even spoken to my stepdaughter’s mother because the first time we met she was too busy screaming that I had kidnapped her child and trying to punch me… it’s so sad because I really thought we’d be friends and all sit together at t ball games and stuff 🙁
I wouldn’t talk to her constantly or consider her a real lifelong friend, but I do think it’s great that you have the lines of communication open and get along well. That’s amazing and I don’t think you should try to end it. It’s a really tricky relationship to have but in the long run your stepdaughter will thank you both for it.
Post # 5
- Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo
I think you’re doing well by keeping the focus of your relationship your step daughter, and not bringing in other personal affairs. Keep it that way if you can. It really is best for your step daughter that the two of you have a good relationship, and at least be able to communicate.
Post # 6
@ieatunicorns: Oh no, I don’t want to cut ties with her. I definitely want to be able to pick up the phone and call or text her about anything that ever comes up. What I guess I am asking is, is chit-chat and things not pertaining to my step daughter appropriate conversations to have with her? Like I said, we don’t talk about Darling Husband or their past relationship or anything of that nature. We have discussed our up-bringing’s and family, female friendships, scrapbooking…and other miscellaneous topics.
Post # 7
@CountryGirl80: I think if you make a change in your relationship she might feel slighted. If you enjoy her company, I would continue to talk and find things you have in common. It wont really hurt anybody for the two of you to be friends, as long as it stays on the level it is now and doesnt cross those boundries. Did something happen to make you question your relationship with her? If not keep things the way they are and try not to over think it:)
Post # 8
I would just stear away from the personal conversations if you can. I imagine that might be kind of hard with all the baby talk?
Keeping the lines of communication open are good. It’s great for a child to know that all is well and everyone is getting along. It was horrible as a kid knowing that my parents couldn’t even be in the same room together.
Post # 9
@ieatunicorns: No, nothing has happened that’s hurt my feelings/made me mad or anything. I’m just fearful I’m overstepping a boundary. Like I said, Darling Husband isn’t too fond of it…but he is also happy we are getting along. I can tell a positive change in behavior with my step daughter as well, which is ultimately more important than anything. I know this will make her a happier child in the long run, coming from a split home.
@Moja Milosc: Wow! That’s awful! I’m so sorry. I guess I am lucky. I really didn’t expect this kind of relationship with her because of how dirty she did my Darling Husband in their relationship. I’ve always heard very negative things about her (never said around my step daugther of course). Personally, I think she just had a child at a young age and didn’t deal with it the way she should have…and now she’s grown up. That doesn’t make her a bad person at all. If anything I’m proud of her for realizing her mistakes and growing up.
I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping things turn for the better in your situation. Trust me, that’s exactly how I thought my relationship with her would always be…but I was pleasantly surprised. You just keep being the bigger person and hey, maybe she’ll come around. 🙂
@elysion: I agree that it is the best thing for my step daughter in the long run. I try to keep our discussions on a non-personal level as possible…but like I said earlier, she is actually really cool and I like talking to her. It’s a Catch 22…