- 6 years ago
- Wedding: November 2009
I’ve been friends with a girl a little older than me (mid 20s) for most of my life. We grew up together and have been off and on close at different times. When we both got similar jobs in different cities, we grew even closer. We talked on the computer via email and IM daily for years. We both got engaged around the same time. She was there for me so much while i planned my wedding(even though she says she doesn’t really like weddings) as a Bridesmaid or Best Man, and I was her Maid/Matron of Honor. She’s a really loyal friend of both me and my whole family, we get along really well and I treasure her friendship. We have differences of course, but in the end we’re still friends.
Last year my mom passed away and my life changed. Think job changes for my husband and i, moving back to my hometown temporarily and pretty much being the sole “adult” handling everything for my deployed brother, college kid brother and my dad (my mom did everything for him). It was really hard, and my life will never be the same. This is the new “normal.” I’m not complaining by any means, but it’s been a huge shift in the way I thought my life was going to go. At the same time, my financial situation also changed for the better, and I’m no longer at the same income level as my friend. She and her husband have debt thanks to their parents’ errors and live paycheck to paycheck. They also have an expensive hobby that take up their extra income.
My husband and i now have flexible jobs and while we work a lot when we’re at home and on the road, we get to travel a lot. Partly due to my job connections for free or at discount, partly because we don’t have our own place anymore–renting part of a house from a relative for a while until things get settled in my hometown that saves us a lot of money, and… partly because we have a different income than we used to. I don’t talk about money or my traveling or anything of the sort with my friend because in my experience, she’s really concerned with her other friends’ incomes and what they do with their money. I hate to say “jealous” but that’s how it has always come across. She’s mentioned to me often in the past “must be nice that she can just take 3 vacations in a year” and comments similar. I know this about her, and while I don’t like it, I can’t make her not jealous of her other friends.
So now I know I’m probably one of those other friends. She and I haven’t talked in a little while (we moved back to our original city so I don’t live in the same town as her anymore) and when we do talk/text, it’s weird. I don’t feel like i can ask her what’s wrong because… I know what’s wrong. I knew this would happen and I can’t change my life circumstances. I don’t talk about a lot of things to her, but she’s my friend on FB and she can see the places we go and the things we do. I feel like this friendship might end up dwindling away. Especially since she’s anti-having kids and has told me she’s got no interest in talking about kids or having anything to do with them… and we are planning to start a family next year. I don’t see us being able to be close with these differences. But it makes me really sad.
Are we doomed? Should I bring up the weirdness to her? I’m not sure what good it would do. Not sure what I could say that woudl fix things. I’d love any help or advice!
sorry for the long post. y’all always have great advice!