From 2 to 3 kids!

posted 9 months ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
468 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I have 2, 4,5yo and 9mo, and so far it’s been very challenging!!!!! Sorry I cannot help with the third kids things as I cannot imagine it on my own lol. But I do think more kids is definitely more challenge. Yes it’s true that my first is big enough to do most by herself and understands that she is having a baby brother, which make my pregnancy easy, but when LO comes, she also need more attention and care that are so different then LO, so still not that easy.

It would be different if you are having big age gaps like more than 10y though.. This might be easier….. Maybe….. lol..

Post # 3
Member
2794 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m due any day with my second and my first is 2 tomorrow (so similar age gap) my first was a boy and I don’t know what this baby is yet. 

Whatever happens though I can 100% confirm I’m 2 and through! I’ll be getting my tubes tied as soon as I can be away from the baby long enough. My reasons for not even considering a third are;

1) I don’t pregnant well, it’s tough and I’ve found doing it with a toddler super super hard

2) economic. I’m not going back to work after this baby as I found working full time with a toddler and being pregnant just so hard and not worth it. With 2 in nursery I will be sending nearly all my income on fees and travel to work. If we had a third in nursery I’d be making a loss

3) economic again – three kids = an even bigger car and a bigger house. We live in London so neither of these things are cheap and hubby’s job has us pretty tied to here for now

4) I’m not that desperate for a girl. If this baby is a boy I’m good with 2 boys. 

5) we have a good balance at the moment and can find time to focus on our relationship. This might get harder when 2 arrives for a while, but I think 3 would put more of a strain on us and tbh what is the point of having 3 kids of it costs your marriage

6) we’re not hugely fertile (took 2.5 yes for DS, 6 months for this baby) and we’ll both be 35 in the next 2 months. We’re too old for this shit

candy11 :  

Post # 4
Member
112 posts
Blushing bee

I’m a nanny, not a parent, but I’ve been working with kids for over a decade and have been with my current family for almost 4 years which included them going from 2 kids to 3. It is incredibly tough. Even though the oldest would be a little older and may be able to help in some ways, they still have their own challenges (and it sounds like your oldest is already not the easiest child). The oldest kid in the family I watch was incredibly sweet and helpful with their first baby sibling (I started when there were just two kids. The youngest was 6 months and the oldest was 2.5. Now they are 4 and 6 years old.) When the third child was born, it was hard for both kids to understand that the baby wasn’t as strong and capable as they were, and the parents and I had to constantly remind them to be gentle. Leaving to go anywhere takes forever because there are so many kids to buckle in and stuff to bring. And even having a large-ish car, there is literally no configuration where I can transport all three kids in my car with their carseats and booster seats, so the parents have to leave their car for me. Three kids also means that you and your spouse will always be outnumbered. If all three kids are having a tough day, one of them is going to have to deal on their own because there simply aren’t enough of you guys to go around. I thought things would get much easier when the oldest started school, but they have really struggled. School days are long, and when the oldest kid gets home, they are grumpy, tired, hungry, and (unfortunately) rude. It’s made the days slightly easier, but overall, it’s just as hard as it was, just in a different way. Oh, and if it helps at all, the kids I watch are two girls and one boy, and there is nothing inherently different about caring for a girl. They can be just as challenging or more challenging than boys, it just depends on their personality. 

Post # 5
Member
7778 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I have 3 kids and it is a lot. Mine have a larger age gap than yours, and the oldest 2 are pretty independent but it’s still a lot to round everyone up to go out or to put everyone to bed. That being said, our lives weren’t complete until we had the 3rd and can’t imagine life without her. 

Post # 6
Member
6441 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

I think only you can make this call. We had three in exactly four years (the first and the last have the same birthday), so we have two and a half years between the first two and a year and a half between the second and third. It certainly wan’t easy at first, but we planned things that way for a reason. It is a whole lot easier for everyone to get used to, IMO, to have them closer together than further apart. We still had one in diapers, so having another wan’t “going back” in any way. When they were all out of diapers, we were done with that part; when they could all put on their own shoes, we were done with it taking ages to get dressed and go; when we were done with carseats, we had more freedom. It was much easier to plan vacations for children in the same ballpark with ages than with vastly different ones. 

And only you know your own children and your discipline style. Our children were always well-behaved and fairly polite (though they all have their moments!) so while it was a lot of work, it wasn’t intolerable. We, too, have two boys and our third is a girl. I agree about it not really being different, as all children go through similar stages. So while it was difficult for a little while when they were young, it wasn’t “way harder” for us. Indeed, it was better for us to have them closer in age than further apart.

Post # 7
Member
667 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

candy11 :  

#3 was the easiest transition. I’m about to have #4 and I’m unphased. All my kids are 3+ years apart. #3 is the kid who actually taught me how to chill as a mom. Good enough is good enough, and comparison is the thief of joy. Don’t compare your life to everyone else’s.

My biggest challenge was my oldest child and she still is. She drives me bananas. She will be 10 in March. She was always difficult and needed constant entertainment and had terrible mood swings. A lot of this was food allergies and she has ADHD we just found out. Once she went to school full time at age 5 life was much easier.

Motherhood is not easy but it’s also what you make of it. If you are constantly worrying about how you look as a mom to others, or being perfect, or your kids being perfect, you’re gonna have a bad time. I was much happier and better as a mother, and as a person, and as a wife, after I got off social media, specifically Facebook. It is terrible for your mental health and your self esteem.

My biggest challenge as a mom is their food allergies and most of my time, I swear, is devoted to that. Researching and cooking everything from scratch. Sometimes I wish I could just order dominos.

But you know, they learned to chill when I stopped being a basket case. Perfection is not attainable. And yours are little right now, but once they are like, 4 or 5, they can learn to wait 20 minutes so mom can have a cup of hot coffee. I think that is the biggest mistake we make as mothers. Like, no, little human, I am eating, you have been taken care of, and you can wait for a few minutes. My 2 oldest kids get up in the morning by themselves on non school days and get themselves a drink and breakfast and watch TV or hang out on their tablets. I get up at 8 or 830 with my 3 year old. Then I come downstairs and ask what everyone has had, if they need anything, and I take care of them before I sit down and have a cup of coffee. On school days it is different because I get them up and have to do school lunches and snacks and hair etc. Overall, my life is very low stress. If they are sick or need something they wake me up, but otherwise they sleep very well, in their own beds, and they know that mom is a person too. My biggest advice is to create boundaries with your kids. I tell them all 100 times a day I love them and they are my most important thing in life. But nope, I’m still drinking this cup of coffee, and no, you can’t sleep in my bed. Seriously as I was writing this, my 10 year old asked for lunch twice. I have told her 1230 and I’m trying to make myself something to eat for the first time today. YOU CAN WAIT UNTIL 1230.

All that said, if I was not a stay at home mom, I would only have 2 max. Daycare and a career complicate things and make them more expensive.

Post # 8
Member
1759 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2018

sf618b :  <—–I am with her!!!!

Going from one to two was really hard. Two to three was so easy in comparison. 

I think (and this may sound strange) having had the second one still in diapers when the third came was a plus. Because I had no illusions, lol. Nothing worse than just getting out of a lot of the messy stuff, only to have to go back to a year or two later. For me it was just business as usual. 

I am gonna be real honest: three kids is a shit ton of work. But honestly so is two. I think I only really noticed just how hard it was when they got older, because simple care and survival wasn’t the deal anymore. That is where the loooong haul started for me (when all kids were school age) The emotional work of parenting was what was hard then. logistically speaking: all the driving around, activities and whatnot? I can honestly tell you if you are organizing two already, scaling up is not that hard.

Another upside? when your kids get older and you start missing those baby years, you might be tempted to go for it, lol. Then you start all over again, only with the exhaustion that comes from having run a family for many years and not as much youth to tide you over, hahaha. With three under your belt you are likelier feeling pretty much like your family is complete 😉 

Good luck whatever you decide!

Post # 9
Member
1961 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Everyone says 2 to 3 is an easier transition than 1-2.

My parents had 6 kids and I’m not sure how they did it 🤷‍♀️

Post # 10
Member
604 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

We currently have a 2.75 yr old, and a 13 month old.  We will be trying for #3 in April!  So if it happens in the first few months, we will have a 4 yr old, 2.5 yr old, and newborn.  We have 2 girls now, and I thought the first 6-8 months with 2 were really tough, but it has gotten SO much easier the last few months.  I feel like we’re in a great spot now that they’re able to play together, and both sleeping through the night (usually).  We planned to have kids close together mostly out of necessity due to our ages (we didn’t start til we were 30+), but now that we’re into it, I see other benefits too.  They’re all somewhat in the same stages at the same time – diapers, toddler-stage, elementary school, etc.  I’m hoping it will help them to be closer as siblings, and easier to do family vacations that they all enjoy.  I feel like the first year with 3 will just be survival mode.  If we can get through that first year, it will be amazing.  I also am lucky enough to have my parents 20 minutes away, and they help quite a bit.  That makes all the difference in the world!

Post # 11
Member
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Turkey

We are siblings,  my brother and sister are both 11+ years older than me. My mom told me that she realized what it meant to be a mom when she gave a birth to me.

 

Post # 12
Member
512 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

Man good question.  We’re due with our 3rd in July so we’ll have a 3.5 year old, a 1.5 year old and a newborn then.  Sounds like mayhem to me, but I’ll have to let you know when we get there.  I think the transition from 1-2 was a challenge, but I also feel like at this stage (aside from trying to figure out how to fit a third carseat into our SUV and where the hell everyone is going to sleep…assuming they actually sleep) we kind of know what we’re doing (most of the time).  I agree with PP- part of it is your approach.  My husband and I are trying to get back to new normals with date nights, and working out (ok- he’s working out, I’m pregnant again so I’m just eating ice cream and thinking about working out) and trying to re-establish some “us time” in our current family of 4 and hopefully when our third arrives we’ll be in really good shape to just grow the love and enjoy the chaos. 

We also have in home care (nanny) since we both work full time and have kind of crazy schedules.  She is instrumental in helping with our days (getting the kids up, dressed, fixing lunches, and dinners)- I realize we’re lucky to be able to afford this, and it is a luxury, but it’s sure been a help as we’ve added kids and attempted to continue our busy professional lives.  That said, what works for us doesn’t work for everyone, and I agree- evaluate your family and then decide what’s right for you (or go out, and get tanked with your friends and have a third like we did…).  Either way- good luck!

Post # 13
Member
6592 posts
Bee Keeper

*not a parent* but both my Brother-In-Law and one of my good friends have 3 kids. They said the third was the hardest because they outnumber them (so outings are very difficult), and because the third tipped daycare costs to being too expensive, so one parent now stays home. YMMV on if thats a positive or a negative, to them it is a negative and both moms are planning on getting back to work as soon as they hit school age. They also had to buy a bigger vehicles, because 3x car seats wouldn’t fit across the back seat of their SUVs. That doesn’t include any future costs (college, etc). Lots to consider! Good luck bee.

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

I’m one of three kids and have worked with/for several families of three children. You have to think about so much more than just how hard it is in their younger years. Bigger house, bigger car, more gifts for birthdays, driving cars, college, and helping them out of trouble is all magnified with a third. Not to mention you and hubby will be outnumbered at that point so it’s more difficult to divide and conquer. 

Post # 15
Member
2571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017 - Courthouse

I’m not a mom but like some PP I have babysat and nannied my whole adult life. 

I used to nanny a family of a 7 year old, 3 year old and 6 mo. old. After watching them, I realized I want my kids to be 3 years apart because it makes things SO much easier. IMO, it doesn’t necessary matter how many kids you have, but what their ages are. 

If the second youngest can dress themselves, change their diapers/pull ups/underwear, wipe themselves, etc. It really frees up your time and lets you focus on your baby. Having a young toddler AND a baby is so hard. You can never accomplish anything lol. 

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