Post # 1
I used to view my Brother-In-Law like this:
Can you BELIEVE the way he’s eating those crackers?? Just LOOK at him! 😡😡 He could do nothing right in my eyes, all he did was yell at his kids. I actually wanted to switch the weekly visits with my parents in law so we would be there on a different day than him. I’m not even going to touch on my SIL.
Then, she died. Completely unexpectedly. Leaving my Brother-In-Law behind with a ten year old, a three year old (both with behavior issues) and a three week old.
After the services, I told my husband that seeing the kids once a week just wasn’t enough for me, did he think we should see him more? So we started going to his house mid week.
We’ve seen a lot of people who became a big presence in my Brother-In-Law and the kids lives both during the services as well as a few weeks after, just kind of fade away. The ten year old actually misses one of those who fell off the face of the earth.
I was afraid that that’s what we were doing, in those early weeks, that we would fade away too.
What I was NOT counting on was bonding. It’s been six months. Our kids have bonded (my three year old absolutely adores the baby) and I find myself bonding with my Brother-In-Law… someone who caused so much stress and anxiety in me that I didn’t want to be around him. I’m also bonding with the kids. For the first time, my three year old nephew let me bathe him this week without screaming bloody murder. He has what we think are sensory problems and we believe that he is on the spectrum. We’ve finally started the process of an evaluation for him to get him some therapies.
My Brother-In-Law will always be who he is. He hasn’t changed, I have. He still irritates me, and sometimes I still wonder why he doesn’t do things that I think he should be doing… but the anger is just not there anymore. It’s just… gone…
I hope it stays gone because I’m realizing just how important family is and I’m enjoying the fact that we have been bonding. The tension during visits is gone… I just want to be there to help him and the kids.
Post # 2
Moderated for snarkiness.
mod note: If you can’t be supportive, you don’t need to post.
Post # 3
Good for you! God, when I reach BEC status with someone there is almost no coming back from it lol. I think it shows real maturity that you were able to let go of your anger…it’s not easy to do that, but it’s definitely healthy.
Post # 4
This is nice to hesr that people can bond after having tense and difficult relationships. Sorry to hear about your SIL. I know you updated before but it’s still gotta be rough. Thanks for sharing! Hugs
Post # 5
If I hadn’t received so many supportive comments on my last posts, I wouldn’t continue posting 🤷🏻♀️ not sure why you felt the need to comment if you weren’t interested.
Post # 6
It’s so nice that you are a part of their lives when they need it most. The poor kids, my heart goes out to them for their loss, but they will always be thankful for having had your family in their lives.
Post # 7
Thanks bees, it’s been a lot of ups and downs and there were actually a lot of emotions in this post though it might not have come through.
Thanks for reading
Post # 8
Sansa85 : I’m sorry your family has been so challenged, but its wonderful that you’ve managed to be there for their children and put differences aside.
Post # 9
That’s amazing, bee. It’s never too late to put differences aside and find a place in your heart for new friendships. So happy to hear you’re in such a good place with him and his family.
Post # 10
Post # 12
Sansa85 : i guess i missed your previous post (it would be helpful if you stated that this is an update to give it context). my response was because you didn’t seem to be asking any sort of question or advice, so it was unclear as to why you were posting this (again, if you had said this was an update post, then that would have answered my confusion).
Post # 13
I had to look up BEC. I am so out of touch.
Glad to hear the update. I commend you for overlooking the reasons you previously had to dislike associating with the brother in law in order to be their physically and emotionally for him and the kids. I am sure you are an integral part of their healing process.
Post # 14
Sansa85 : thank you for sharing. It’s funny how life works. I know those kids and your Brother-In-Law are so thankful for your family’s help and kindness.