From Maid of honor to Comaid of honor

posted 6 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
9280 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t step down (because I think that would cause waves) but I also wouldn’t cancel the study abroad. She has another Maid/Matron of Honor to take care of her ridiculous demands and if was important to her that you be there she wouldn’t pick the one month you aren’t in town. 

Post # 3
2678 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2018

rhoton23 :  Are you and your sister close now? I wouldn’t cancel the study abroad trip to attend a bachelorette party or a bridal shower, that will be an amazing experience and it’s not like you’ll miss her wedding.

I know you said you don’t know why, but I just have to say why on earth does she need FOUR parties?? That is extreme, and if you’re hosting one you can host it whenever you want assuming she doesn’t have set plans on that day already. 

Perhaps the other Maid/Matron of Honor has just taken the initiative to plan with her, has gotten involved on her own? I was Maid/Matron of Honor in my best friends wedding and before I started to plan the bachelorette party one of the bridesmaids (who I’m not friends with) decided she was goign to start planning it because she’ sjust that type of person who wants to get involved and get things figured out ASAP. 

Have you tried to get involved with the wedding planning or are you waiting for your sister to come to you with stuff?

Post # 4
367 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2019

Lord no don’t cancel your study abroad for some parties for your sister! It sounds like she’s just a lot closer with the other girl. And 4 showers is beyond excessive. 

Post # 5
778 posts
Busy bee

It sounds like your sister is a bit over the top.  I wouldn’t change your plans to appease her in any way.  You’ll get a lot more out of a study abroad than bridal showers. 

Post # 7
6226 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

rhoton23 :  Sister or not, it sounds like you’re dodging a big fat bullet with this one. Your sister her sister-in-law is going to pay a ton of money to host all of these parties and throw bachelorette in Vegas. Your sister is being a pig.

I would hazard a guess that because you aren’t close, she felt she had to ask you to be the maid of honor but really doesn’t want you to be. It sucks and if I were you I would make sure not to reciprocate with my own wedding rolled around, whenever that might be. Sisters do not have to be mids of honor.  Had she realized that, she might not have stuck you in such an uncomfortable situation, particularly as she doesn’t want to share information with you anyway.

Take the study abroad, it’s the chance of a lifetime, and thank your lucky stars that you will probably be saving money and heartache in the process. 

Post # 8
1429 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

So, I feel like my sister could have written that post. Truth is that I would love for her to take a leadership role of the moh. But if she doesn’t ask how to help or start planning and suggesting things and the other Maid/Matron of Honor does, then I’m not going to ask or demand she does. I’ll let the more eager person go for it. 

If I were you, I’d demand control over the shower for your family and host it when it’s convenient for you. Get it on the schedule ASAP. The other Maid/Matron of Honor can host the others if she wants.  

Post # 9
633 posts
Busy bee


Post # 10
98 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

So I initially only had one maid of honor but my maid of honor failed the bar meaning she will have to quit her job and focus solely on studying again for months. I made my other best friend co-maid of honor much to my original maid of honors dismay because I did not want to put extra stress on her or financial burden during that time in her life. She tried to demote herself because her new co-maid of honor can be a bit of a control freak (she’s an event planner) but I wouldn’t let her. Don’t let someone take away from you being maid of honor for whatever reason because your sister asked you as well! Even if you aren’t close that is very meaningful.

Your sister probably has her reasons for this, maybe selfish maybe not. Don’t let it take away from you enjoying this process OR YOUR OWN LIFE! STUDY ABROAD! You’ll regret it if you don’t. And if she’s really being crazy maybe you’re better off missing those things. Do what makes you happy!

Post # 11
573 posts
Busy bee

I wouldn’t cancel my study abroad over this. You’re not obligated to do anything as Maid/Matron of Honor but show up on the wedding day and since it seems like she doesn’t even care if you’re there or not, I wouldn’t sweat ANY of her showers or the bachelorette. 

Do you.

Post # 12
5963 posts
Bee Keeper

This sounds like the best case scenario for you–you still get to study abroad, get to be a part of the wedding, and don’t have to be front and center for all of her diva plans (FOUR showers? destination bachelorette?) that you’re really not in a position to fulfill. 

It might be different if you’d always been really close but you say you have not. Go with it, and be happy that it’s not all on you. 

Post # 13
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

Do not cancel your study abroad. What’s he age difference between you and your sister? If it’s a large one, that combined with you living in different places could be the reason you’re excluded. If she sees her FI’s sister more it may be easier to plan and talk wedding with her. 

However, regardless the reason, there are some issues with your sister’s atttitude that would have me taking a step back, Maid/Matron of Honor title or not. First, no bride needs 4 showers. That’s ridiculous beyond all reason. No bride should demand showers either, they’re thrown for a bride out of courtesy. Second, even if the sash you bought wasn’t her taste, her reaction and the words she used were harsh, hurtful, and unnecessary. Finally, she is preventing you and your parents’ involvement by throwing a fit when you try to talk wedding. All that combined implies your sister is a spoiled brat.

You’ll regret the missed opportunity of a study abroad for a spoiled sister’s line of parties for the rest of your life. Skip the parties you can’t make and be thankful for money saved (and don’t let her try to bully you into paying for parties you don’t attend either). 

Post # 14
1372 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2019 - City, State

DO NOT cancel your study abroad! Don’t even worry about the 4th shower – what the hell even is that about? That’s stupid. She’s just being a princess. If she’s decided that the times that you are able to throw the shower don’t work for her, then she’s forfeited you holding a shower. 

I totally understand where you’re coming from. I made my older sister my Maid/Matron of Honor, but so far all she has done is criticize my fiance and all of my life choices! Not surprised in the least, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

Your sister will be the person she’s always been, and you can’t take that personally. At this point it’s best to just accept that her SIL will be doing most of the planning with her (tbh you dodged a bullet on that, wedding planning sucks), and show up wearing the dress she wants you to and a smile. You do you, let her do her, and don’t let her make you feel bad.

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