(Closed) From matron of Honor to Guest.. What would you do?

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1141 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I don’t blame you, that would really hurt my feelings as well. I don’t have any advice here just want you to know I totally sympathsize.

Post # 4
Member
258 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I don’t blame you either, and it’s really hard to bring up how you’re feeling to her – especially when you obviously still want to be friends with her. But you’re definitely allowed to be peed off.

I was in a semi-similar situation a few months ago when my best friend asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, I was really honoured and accepted straight away as there was only going to be one other bridesmaid. Everything carried rolling along and I gave her as much support as I could when she asked (believing it was my duty) until her engagement party arrived. Me and my fiance were standing around greeting people as they came in, while my friend was introducing the other bridesmaid to her parents as her Maid/Matron of Honor… Me and my fiance just kind of looked at eachother, wondering if we had overheard her wrong, but throughout the night she said it over and over again to different guests. I left soon after as I was quite upset, but didn’t want to cause a scene and go screaming up to her “I thought I was your MOH!!??” 

It felt like a kick to the gut, just how you would have felt when you found out your ex-MOH was in another bridal party. And I’ll be honest, I’ve carried on with her since, pretending that she never asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and just a bridesmaid. Sounds silly, but I don’t even want to confront her about it – can’t be bothered with the drama.

But I wish you good luck, and if you eventually decide that you want to confront your friend about her actions let me know, and I might do the same πŸ™‚

 

x

Post # 5
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Ugh…I asked a girl who I’ve been friends with since 7th grade (we’re 33 now) to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man and she accepted! Since then, all wedding things have been ignored, texts, calls, fb messages..we live in different states, and when I go back she is unavailable to visit. soooo, I get it, you don’t want to be in the wedding!! She didn’t even rsvp to my wedding shower, and it was in HER town!!I finally took the hint after that.

 

Post # 6
Member
100 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Maybe your friend has learned from the current bridesmaid experience that she is just bad at it?  It’s totally possible that she doesn’t have time for the duties of the current wedding she is in, and she doesn’t want to feel inadequate for you.  I’d give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

My friend has recently been burned as her best friend’s Maid/Matron of Honor, and I can tell that she is afraid that I’ll go “drama bride” on her, too.  Once a woman has had a bad bridesmaid experience, it is tough to try it again.  

Post # 8
Member
3471 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

I’m guessing you don’t know the whole story here– I’m assuming since you’ve known eachother for so long, both of the women you asked know eachother? 

If so, than my guess would be that your friend knew you were in good hands wiht your Maid/Matron of Honor, and felt like she could step away without leaving you high and dry. 

The other friend’s wedding might not be the same situation, perhaps that friend doesn’t have anyone else, or perhaps that friend guilted her into doing it. Maybe the timing of the other wedding is easier for her and her family based on their schedule? Maybe she couldn’t afford the 2 dresses and had to choose?

I understand your feelings, and if you’re really that hurt, you should bring it up with your friend, but keep an open mind about her situation, and understand that she didn’t make the decision to cause you any pain, she probably had the best intentions at heart. 

Post # 9
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2013

MaybeMaybe things changed and life freed up a bit but she doesn’t feel like she can ask you to be back in the wedding?

Post # 10
Member
3120 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I’m very curious as to why you WOULDN’T ask her about this.  I feel like this would ruin your friendship if you’re constantly wondering and feel betrayed!  I think you have every right to be upset and you should ask her!  I would just calmly ask why she feels she can handle being a Bridesmaid or Best Man but not your Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 12
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I can understand what you are feeling. My cousin who is also my daughter’s God father is getting married. As a matter of fact we both are within months of eachother. Many months ago he asked me if my daughter his God daughter could be one of his flower girls. I was excited to say yes! Then recently he came over and regretfully told me that he was planning to ask me about my daughter being in the wedding but that his fiance had “accidently” asked her friend to have her daughter be the flower girl and that although he was uppset he didn’t know how to unask  her. In my mind, I was thinking..”Um, the way you just unasked your godchild” I was really hurt but haven’t said anything to him. I do plan on telling him it hurt my feelings but am waiting for the right time because I don’t want it to be a big drama. He is one of the groomsmen in my wedding and don’t want to make that awkward either. In your case since you also are still on good terms with your friend i would bring it up and let her know how you feel and how you have always pictured sharing this experience with her., maybe she will understand better that this is important to you or maybe there is aan underlying reason and talking about it will help clear the air.

@StarIzInkd:  

@StarIzInkd:  

Post # 14
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@StarIzInkd:Yea the less drama free the better anyway. I have that going on now. My Maid/Matron of Honor isn’t very friendly to my other girls and is making the other girls feel uncomfortable. She isn’t really planning anything and when she is it’s things only she likes but hasn’t talked to any of the other girls. One of my Bm’s is being awesome. She is planning everything and always available to give ideas and is always trying to think of ways to make this wedding better. At this point I would rather have her be the maid of honor, but I won’t do what my cousin did and hurt someone else..So, I just plan on having a sit down with moh and ask if she still wants to do this or I’ll understand if she would like to relinquish some of her duties if it’s too much for her and have the other more involved girl step in.  As for my cousin in time I will bring up but for now it is what it is. Good luck with your wedding though. It sounds like you have a good outlook on things πŸ™‚

 

Post # 15
Member
9 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2012

 

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