(Closed) NEED ADVICE! from MOH – bridesmaid drama

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Why do weddings bring out the best and worst in people?

I think that you should just be supportive of the bride. Maybe ask her if there is anything that you can do to help her out in this situation?

I’ve had some issues with some of my girls and you sound like one of my BMs who really is willing to go to bat for me! 🙂 If your bride is anything like me she is really happy to have you as a friend and really needs a shoulder to lean on. As much as I’d like to let her step in and handle certain things for me, I know I have to do them on my own. However, there are some things that I have let her step in and handle for me like organizing my shower where my Maid/Matron of Honor has been lacking.

You sound like a really supportive friend! I give you props!

As for recooping the money that “K” owes? I’d just cut your losses, unless the bride somehow gets her to pay! But, most likely not.

Post # 4
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well, I’m not sure that there’s too much that you can do other than what you seem to already be doing — helping out and being a friend to the bride. As for the hair flower, someone will probably have to track her down in person to get it.

Post # 5
570 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Agreed… assume she will continue to be completely unhelpful, and will not give you the money she owes, nor the Etsy flower. Maybe before the bride talks to her, you or another bridesmaid could contact her and ask to pick it up? Just say that she would rather keep it with the rest of her things, or that she is going to try out wedding hairstyles and wants to have the actual flower to see how it’ll look.  That is so terrible. If one of my girls was acting that way, I would be SO thankful to have such a supportive and non judgmental friend like you! Don’t bash K to the bride… I’m sure whatever you could say, she’s already thinking it. Has their relationship been like this (one sided) for a long time? Maybe she was hoping K would get over herself and be able to help the bride celebrate this time in her life. What a shame!

Post # 6
3078 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

@MrsPeachMartini:  Agreed, someone should pick up the flower before the bride asks her not to be in the wedding.  One of my BMs acts similar to the way K is and it is so frustrating!  Thank goodness the bride has a wonderful Maid/Matron of Honor like you!

Post # 7
2711 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

There’s not much you can do except be supportive to your friend.  Was K always this flakey or is this a new developement.  If it’s new, then maybe she has something else going on in her life.  That might be something to make sure the bride asks her.  If the only communication the bride has with K is about wedding, K could be sick of it and that’s why she’s not responding (I mean, I would be super annoyed if multiple people kept bugging me to by a dress 2 months before the deadline).  However, if she’s always been this flakey, then well, you and the bride can’t expect her to change just because someone is getting married. 

Also, please keep in mind (and something to remind your bride of) that K doesn’t have to come to pre-wedding parties and chip for them (you can’t presume to know her financial situation) or help with wedding planning or prep.  I agree that it’s rude of her not to call/RSVP no and flake out for the parties, but is it really friendship-ending worthy?  I think that was a bit extreme of the bride to say that K is out if she doesn’t come to the shower because she hasn’t been super invovled in the wedding. 

Overall, I advise that you encourage your bride to think long and hard about kicking K out (if she hasn’t done so already).

Post # 8
94 posts
Worker bee

It sounds like you are doing a brilliant job right now! 

   This doesn’t sound like much of a good friend to me and obviously no one knows how the bride will choose to deal with it. If it were me I would kick her out (I would have had enough of her reluctance and her treatment of other BM’s) – In my mind it is totally unfair to sit back and let others do everything with little or no explanation. If this wasn’t her idea of how BM’s should be then she should have clarified it ages ago.

    I don’t know what kind of friend she has been in the past – weddings can do weird things to people and the bride might just keep her as Bridesmaid or Best Man and hope that things return to normal afterwards.

   This still doesn’t make things fair for all of you though – I always thought it was down to the Maid/Matron of Honor to speak to any BM’s stepping out of line, basically so the bride doesn’t have to deal with these kind of things. I don’t know where I heard that and forgive me if I have that wrong.

    Maybe a good thing to do is to get together and have a chat with the bride about K (try to avoid personal opinions about her,  just support the bride and say you understand and can you do anything to help the situation?) She might ask you to talk to K, or you could suggest that you talk to her?…is that something you could do? It doesn’t have to be a confrontational thing – just ask if things are ok as there seems to have been some issues? However, it may be easier and at least ease tensions if K is kept away from any further plans and things are left at just expecting her to turn up on the day.

    Hope all goes ok…..and keep up the good work! Sounds like you deserve a medal!!!! x

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