- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
Hi Bees, I’m the Maid/Matron of Honor in one of my best friend’s wedding. There’s also a matron of honor. There’s a bridesmaid who has been trouble all along – we’ll call her “K”. By The Way, we are all 27-30 years old.
Bride has known “K” all of her life. K has been non-existent in any of the planning and prep before the wedding, which is this July. We all went to pick out our dresses and have lunch as the bride’s way of getting us all together as the bridal party, and K not only didn’t show up, but gave some questionable excuses about running late and then never responding to the bride…
K had to be asked multiple times for 2 months by the bride, groom, matron of honor and myself to order her dress ($80). She did it at the very last second. This caused bride stress, but was eventually worked out.
We created a secret FB group for the bridesmaids as a more convenient way to discuss things without getting everyone together all the time (we’re all local), and K has not participated at all (not an issue of her not using FB). K didn’t contribute when we asked about budget for the bachelorette (bride’s aunt threw the shower). The bride was getting fed up at the lack of response from K and said to us that if K didn’t come to the shower (in May) that she was out of the bridal party.
K did make it to the shower, which was good, and finally contributed the money at the actual shower to matron of honor for the limo deposit that we had requested 3 months prior ($40) and shower gift requested 1 month prior ($40). So we hoped everything would be fine.
(Just in case someone’s thinking it’s a money thing, K’s family owns a boat, is a member of the very exclusive country club and she has a FT job. She travels with her bf, and has never given anyone any reason to believe there is any financial issue.)
As far a planning the bachelorette, we used the FB page and requested everyone’s budget, etc. about 4 months before the bachelorette. We then had a planning meeting about 1 1/2 months before the party with all of us together to go over everything. K said she wouldn’t be able to make it at 1 p.m. because of something, so we changed it to 3 p.m. K didn’t object to the later time, and didn’t show up (also didn’t call anyone to let us know she wouldn’t come, or why).
We ended up planning on getting a limo and doing a bar crawl, for a total expense of approx. $100-120 each. We chipped in $40 each for the initial limo deposit, and then requested another $45 from each bridesmaid (matron of honor and I chipped in a little extra, and we charged $25 from guests) for the night of the bachelorette, $15 for decorations plus each girl bring one bottle of alcohol and a small snack to share. Everyone knew this about 1 1/2 months before the party to budget for the expense.
A week or so before the party (the date was set about 4 months prior), K told bride she might have to meet up with us because she had an out of town family party to attend. K never mentioned this party before, but bride said ok, obviously family is important. However, the week of the party, pictures were posted on FB of K at her family party that past weekend. Bride called her out on it, and K said there are 2 parties – since some family couldn’t make the one date.
K never showed up to the bachelorette. Not only that, she never contacted the bride. One bridesmaid contacted K and asked her when she expected to get there, and K gave a vague answer. Bridesmaid told K not to forget the money for the limo, and K said she already contributed $40, was not riding in the limo and is not chipping in another dime – didn’t know about any additional cost and was done arguing about it, she’s not paying.
Bride that night said she was going to ask K not to come to the wedding, even it being this close, because she is hurt at how her “friend” is treating her. I have stayed out of it (K is not a mutual friend) and so far haven’t heard anything from bride regarding if this conversation has happened yet.
I’m unsure if I should do anything in this situation being Maid/Matron of Honor, and also K owes me $22 (for decorations and hair flower) which I probably will never see but also could really use (We all had to chip in extra that K didn’t contribute…). More importantly, K accidently got 2 of the hair flowers we are wearing (from etsy) and so we need to get that hair flower for the one bridesmaid who doesn’t have hers yet.
What would you do in this situation bees? Any advice on how bride should handle it as well?