Post # 1
I don’t like to complain but I need to get it off my chest. I’ve been with my SO for over two years now. We’ve talked about getting married. We’ve talked about where we’d like to live together (I’m holding out on moving in until we’re engaged for personal moral reasons). He refers to me as his better half and refers to me as his wife to his boss and co-workers (which makes for an awkward conversation at business parties).
But no ring. And I think he’s holding out until he’s more financially stable. (He makes a good amount but he’s career-driven and wants to be more financially sound because I’m broke).
I have our wedding pretty much planned and I’m super stoked about the event BUT I’m much more excited about starting our LIVES together than the one day bash.
I’m trying to be patient and understanding but I’m getting impatient and frustrated. When I talk to him about it he says something vague like “I’m not going anywhere. We’ll continue to move on together with our lives entwined” I don’t want to push him or ruin a surprise but it’s so HARD to wait.
Post # 3
Aw, I’m sorry. It’s so frustrating not even having a clue. Even though your SO seems ilke he wants to surprise you, he should be able to give you a vague timeline. My SO had given me one that it’s going to be sometime this year, for example, but only after I explained to him how I felt. Also, your SO shouldn’t be referring to you as his wife unless he has proposed/married you. He seems excited to have that, but it’s not fair to you to say that at this time. I know that if my SO did that to me, I would consider it incredibly hurtful, especially as he knows I am just dying to be his wife. Good luck!
Post # 4
@lisampson: Why don’t you sit him down and tell him how important marriage is to you and ask if he’d agree to a timeline, set by him that works for you too and then if the amount of time set passes you can discuss it with him and find out why – basically it means you’ll know better where you stand
Post # 5
i agree with PPs, talk about a timeline, makes you feel so much better, i was in a similar situation, not knowing if anything would happen soon (although i knew it would be several years before we get married), all i heard when i brought it up was ‘i’m not ready yet’, so after bringing it up a few more times, he gave me the timeline of this year, then the first six months of the year, then the first three months, and now we have been engaged for a month 🙂 talking to him definitely helps!
Post # 6
You and I are in the same boat… Only he doesn’t actually call me his wife, I would feel really awkward about that too, but he does call himself on several occasions my future husband, to which I have since decided he can no longer say until I have a ring.
Sometimes, its really hard to handle. I can’t wait to be his wife and I wish he would just cut it with all the excuses and ask me already! So, to stop myself from going crazy I’ve been working out a lot and really working on myself, trying to stop stressing about it. I’m learning how to clean and do laundry (cooking for me is in the bag, partically why he loves me) and sew, working on a book and enjoying ME and MY TIME. You should too, it helps a lot.
Best of luck! <3
Post # 7
@aquawater: That’s a good idea. It WOULD really help to be able to say ok, in a year. Or whatever. As of right now it’s just “sometime” It might make me feel alittle less crazy. I don’t think he means to be hurtful by calling me his wife. I think it’s just that he knows he wants to marry me so he doesn’t think anything of it.
@hottlips: Good luck to you too! I’m also trying my hardest to make myself better. I’m working on my debts and finances (my biggest weakness and his biggest strength) but I’m already exceptionally domestic (we make jokes about how I’m secretly a 50s housewife lol) Maybe the ladies above have the right idea. I know I’m gonna sit down with SO to set a time line.