Frustrated

posted 2 weeks ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

donatachi :  I don’t think any advice received on this forum is going to improve things in this situation. You two need professional help. There’s too much going on here: a certain degree of infidelity, lying, gambling, neglect, resentment, and four little kids stuck in the middle. 

I wish you good luck, and I hope you’ll seek help. 

Post # 3
Member
797 posts
Busy bee

donatachi :  

There is so much wrong with this marriage it’s hard to know where to begin.

No, it is not unreasonable of you to want him to be home most nights of the week. He is your husband, your partner in life and the father of your children. How on earth is he a father to your kids on a couple of hours in the evening? Does he ever take the kids to school or their extra murals? Go to watch their sports games or concerts, etc.? Does he help out with the baby at all?

This is before we even get started on what kind of a husband he is. It really doesn’t matter that he lets you track his whereabouts. He cannot be a good husband if he is not home. He is absolutely inviting infidelity and a whole host of other problems into his marriage with his behaviour, and I would tell him that if I were you, although he might not hear it coming from you.

As PP said, you guys definitely need professional help if the marriage is even able to be saved. I could never live like this.

Post # 4
Member
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

He allows you to track him?  Hmm.  How hard do you supose it would be for him to drop his phone at a friend’s place then head on out to the casino or wherever he wants to go without you knowing?

While I think it’s fine and even healthy for couples to have their own interests, hobbies and even friends independent of each other, what your husband has done goes way beyond that.  He has checked out of your marriage. He is not present, either physically or emotionally, in your life or the lifes of your children.  That’s a pretty common characteristic of an addict.  In your husbands case, he is addicted to gambling and he needs help. 

Post # 5
Member
4995 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2017

Does he have a job?? Hard to believe he’s able to work full time and then leave every night until 2am.

Post # 6
Member
8919 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

donatachi :  GPS spoofing is so easy. A tracking app means nothing. Even if he is where he says he is, it’s still not ok for him to be gone that much. This is not a normal expected progression after 14 years. Would he consider counselling?

Post # 7
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

What in the hell!!!! 6 day’s a week he stay’s out until 2am.? Nope, nope and hell nope. My ex-husband would stay out late on the weekend’s and nothing good came out of it. 

Post # 8
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I did the same thing.  I still feel shame from it 10 years later.  He was gone all the time and I was so lonely.  Doesn’t excuse it but I didn’t mean it to go so far.

He was good for about 2 years and then we had another baby and with his shift work and going out so much I rarely saw him.  I knew better than to go online again so I just dealt with it for 5 years and then I started to put my foot down and within a few months he left me for someone else and told me he just didn’t think he was cut out to be a husband and father.

He’s a much better part time father but not perfect.  I’m much happier with someone who would rather be with me than out with his friends.

Your husband doesn’t enjoy being a husband or father or he’d be there more often.  What you do with that realization is up to you.

Post # 9
Member
4330 posts
Honey bee

Out until 2am?? How does he drag himself to work in the morning? You know that this isn’t the way a marriage should be. You could give him the choice of marriage counseling or divorce, but I believe people are what they are and are not likely to change radically, and it would take a radical change for him to turn into a good husband and father. 

And tracking him on a device? Dude is missing the whole point. He’s supposed to be present in your lives, not a blip on a screen. Give me a break.

Post # 10
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper

I couldn’t continue in a marriage like this. Counseling, compromise (only out 2 nights a week?) and consider your options. He is an absent husband and an absent father. Are you prepared to leave the marriage? 

Post # 13
Member
509 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

donatachi :  “So I now have a baby and 3 other kids”

I notice that you said YOU have a baby and three other kids — not WE have a baby and three other kids. You probably said that because you’re the only one being a parent, so it doesn’t seem like you’re sharing this family with your ass of a husband. Honestly, I’m less concerned about how he’s treating you (which is badly) and more concerned about how neglectful of a father he is. 

Post # 14
Member
2069 posts
Buzzing bee

I can’t imagine having 4 kids including a baby and a husband who sleeps in the afternoon and is out every night.  I would be so tired on top on unhappy.  This is no way for a marriage to work.  He should be going out maybe one night a week.  I only know one couple with young kids that either spouse goes our late even semi regularly.  Virtually everyone I know with young children never goes out until 2 am let alone six nights a week.  

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