Post # 1
bees I really need to vent. I think I am at my emotional limit.
When it comes to wedding plannning, I am doing EVERYTHING alone and I’m tired of it! My fiancee is overseas and even when I explain everything that I know and ask his opinion he says “you decide” or “im not there” and when I say Ok fine screw it I’ll choose then, he often tells me he doesn’t like my choice, but gives no other solutions. So my work is no good and hes got nothing better, but I want him included, so I alone have to go back to the drawing board. alone.
I don’t have a bridal party only a maid of honor and she keeps saying she’ll contact caterers and she’ll call people for rsvp and then she does nothing. nothing! When I bring it up she says she’ll get around to it. (the wedding is less than 2 months away! there’s not much time left to “get around to it”) And again she like my fiancee tend to only offer negative opinions on whatever I choose. For example she didn’t like my dress choice, my cake choice, my decorations choice. argh!
I’ve been rushing to do it all myself since no one is helping and again only get empty promises of help or negative comments on what I’ve done.
Does anyone else ever feel this way? I’m just so tired of being alone in this! I don’t mind doing alot of stuff alone ,I was ready for that, but I was promised help with big decisions and am getting nothing.
I’ve expressed this to both people and have gotten help for about 10 mins and then they seem to forget and it all goes back to how it ways. I know my fiancee will be more help when he arrives 2 weeks before the wedding but we can’t wait to make choices then! I have to get orders in asap because almost everyone is telling me because of the time of year were getting married they need a good 4-6 week notice. We haven’t even picked out the stupid rings cause my fiancee wants to “see them first” but half the jewelry shops here told me we have to order in Oct to get them in time
I am so frustrated!
Post # 3
I’m so sorry. I hope it gets better.
Post # 5
HUGS! That does sound frustrating! Especially Fiance telling you to do it, then not liking it and providing no other option. That would infuriate me!
I felt like this sometimes as well. It can be very overwhelming. Everything worked out in the end though. And believe me, I’m disorganized and a procrastinator so if I can do it-you can do it.
I’m sorry that I have no real advice. On a side note though, I don’t think I would have had my Maid/Matron of Honor calling the caterer. I just felt that was something I should be doing. But she shouldn’t be putting down all of your decisions. It sounds like she is being anything but helpful. I hope things get better. Just try and remember that this is just one day. In the end all that matters is that you marry the love of your life. Perhaps this perspective only happens after the wedding though because I know how stressed I was lol.
Post # 6
Awww big hugs!! This was me yesterday. My Fiance is in England (due to lack of internet and family issues we just mainly text and only talk once a week) and won’t be here till 3 weeks before the wedding. The only difference he tells me he like everything and really gives me no input. Which really is no help, but at least there isn’t the frustration of negative input. We did get our rings on his last visit too. I was very overwhelmed with everything and only two months to go. I used to have someone helping but she just kinda quit one day.
As for their opinions maybe quit asking? I had some negative “helpers” and then just had to quit asking. Or some I take with a grain of salt. I had a long talk with a few people yesterday and told them how I felt and what my issues where. My Maid/Matron of Honor is my sister and lives across the country so she is trying to help with what she can. My mom is also jumping on board with some new great ideas. I also got so much support from everyone here. I took the night off last night and feel better today.
I say do what you want if they are not helping you. But that is me and what I am doing. I was going to go insane waiting for him to help me. You can PM me if you need help. I feel you pain.
Post # 7
@Dec-bride: I’m so very sorry. It sounds like your Fiance and Maid/Matron of Honor are preoccupied with whatever is going on for them individually. Understood, but frustrating nonetheless.
Alright, I think it is time for you to take the reigns yourself and don’t look back. Full speed ahead! Trust yourself and your decisions and if so-and-so complains that it isn’t to their liking? TOO BAD. They had their chance to lend their input and now it is too late. (Not trying to be a meanie poo here, but just saying don’t let them bring you down on a decision YOU made because YOU had to!) You might even go so far as to discuss it once through with Fiance as in:
You: “Hey what flowers do you like?”
Fiance: “I dunno, you decide.”
You: “Okay, I’ll choose them.”
And then don’t tell him what you chose. Just choose it and only if he asks later, share. Same for your Maid/Matron of Honor and whatever you asked her opinion on to start. Don’t give them the chance to say, “Aww, but I don’t like it… .” on a silver platter. Why serve up such annoyance? Just do it and only if they ask you, follow up in sharing your decision.
Then, ask your vendors for their professional opinions on things if you need further assistance — that is what you are paying them for.
If you need other advice, the Bee is here for you! 🙂
Post # 8
I know how you feel. Fiance goes with to look at places, but I do most of the deciding and the planning. Then, when I’m already set and working something out, he decides he doesn’t like it, and I have to start all over, but he still won’t give me any input.
I hope things get better : )
Post # 9
thanks everyone 🙂 I’m glad I am not alone, I read this before but just got to replying. I have actually taken some advice, the other day I caught myself asking my Fiance for some help and stopped myself and said ya know what? I got it, we’ll do this. and he was cool with it. I guess I need to learn to trust myself more 🙂
Post # 10
@Dec-bride: I am so sorry that you are going through this and you feel this way. I had a similar situation. However, my Fiance was not overseas. We were living together and he had NO opinions. The only thing that was on his list was to get his and his Groomsmen outfits. That was done the week before the wedding! I think that most men are just not planners. I was ok with it. I asked him why he was not more involved and he just said that it is too stressful for him. he said we could get a DOC or a wedding planner but I wanted to stick to my budget. What really pissed me off was my Maid/Matron of Honor and Bridesmaid or Best Man situation. NO one cared, literally. They were my sisters and they sucked. They only lived an hour away but hardly did anything.
I love your last post. That is kind of the attitude that you have to have in your situation. Good luck and I wish you the best
Oh, By The Way, my wedding turned out amazing and better than I imagined! I have a feeling yours will too!!!! 😀 Feel free to PM me if you ever just want to vent or want to toss some ideas around with someone!
Post # 11
OP, I’m sorry you feel this way. I don’t have any real advice, but I have been through similar situations throughout my wedding planning and I have realized that if I don’t personally do it myself it either doesn’t get done right or it doesn’t get done at all. Just breathe and make a list of what needs to be done in order of importance.
What we as brides forget sometimes is that our MOH’s and/or bridal party has more going on in their lives than just our wedding. Even though our wedding (to us) is the top priority in life at the moment. I would give your Maid/Matron of Honor the benefit of the doubt….she may be feeling overwhelmed by helping with the wedding plans as much as you are.
Hang in there….I know how you feel! <hugs>
Post # 12
That sucks! I know if I got that much negative responses I would just throw my hands up and say forget it – we’re eloping!
As some people have said, I recommend seeking their opinions less. Make a decision, and if they can’t make a better suggestion then just stick with it. For example if he doesn’t like the flowers, just tell him that the florist’s deadline is x date so you’d absolutely love to hear his suggestions but if he doesn’t suggest something by the florist’s deadline then you’re going with your choice.
And it’s just one day so don’t let stress get to you! It’s not the material things that make a wedding perfect, it’s the union between two people in love!