(Closed) Frustrated and Angry

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

Have you told him that you feel resentful and angry? What does he say about it? Does his response meet your emotional needs?

Post # 5
Member
9673 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2019

@beeeforeigocrazy:  Who would it be considered as pressuring by? By him? Because his is the only opinion besides yours that matters about it. And you should be able to tell your future husband how you feel! Waiting is tough and it is definitely normal to feel the way you do!

Post # 6
Member
7311 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

I’m sorry, but whoever is feeding you that line of bs needs to stop. Talking about your emotions is a natural part of any healthy, functional relationship. If he says that it’s “pressuring” him, then he is clearly not ready to be a healthy, functional partner. If other people are telling you that it is “prerssuring” him, then ignore them because they are giving you dysfunctional advice that is hurting your wellbeing.

Post # 7
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@beeeforeigocrazy:  You should talk to him. Really. Talk to him, it’s not pressure. You can go around and say something like: “I really want to be engaged, but I want to be something we both want, do you have any idea or plan on when this might happen?”

I was getting really frustrated with my boyfriend (I’m waiting too) and one time I just exploded (you can see more details in my own venting posts) and plain asked him when he was planning to propose and he was shocked, yeah after a 8 years relationship he didn’t even tought about proposing, even when he is the one having conversations as “when we have kids… when we marry… when we buy a house” but those “whens” where reaaaally far away in his mind… 

So.. now, even tought I don’t have a ring yet, I know that will be happing in a year period or so.

Communication is the key.

Post # 8
Member
227 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Here is what I told mine, because it was the honest truth, although it took me FOREVER to realize THIS is why the lack of proposal bothered me so much. I sent him a message saying, “I think I need to explain better, I don’t need a proposal because I am insecure about you leaving. I think you would live like this forever and be perfectly happy. Unfortunately, since no marriage is a deal breaker, I feel like I cannot be 100% commited to this relationship with the knowledge that one day I might have to leave to find someone who will marry me. It breaks my heart to know we might now always be together. I love you dearly and this is the last I will talk about it.”

We had already bought the ring, and he had told me many times that he was afraid I was too insecure in him to ever be satisfied. I think hearing it this way helped him understand why it made me so sad and the proposal came within the next week. 

Post # 9
Member
747 posts
Busy bee

What lovekiss said.  In a healthy relationship you should be able to talk about things that make you angry and frustrated, and that includes things that involve him.  Moreover, I’ve never quite understood this phenomenon of “waiting” – if you both know you want to be together and aren’t going anywhere, then what are you/is he waiting for?  I’m sorry you’re in such a position!      

Post # 10
Member
1762 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

I totally understand where you are coming and Im not even engaged yet..honestly just be up front with him and tell him how you feel…My SO was like that for awhile coming from divorce parents of course he would not want to talk about marriage what so ever I didnt  want to pressure him at all. So I just waited until he was ready to discuss marriage an the next step to our relationship almost 3 yrs later he finally brought it up and now the ring has been   purchased and its just a easy sail from here i hope..

 

Post # 11
Member
522 posts
Busy bee

@lovekiss:  +1 to post #5.

I mean if you brought it up every single conversation you ever had together I can see how it would be pressuring (“I was thinking about having burgers for dinner?” “I was thinking about how my ring finger is bare”)

But if you approach it as an adult wanting to know what timeframe you can expect a proposal in and ensuring that that timeframe works for YOU then I hardly feel it is pressuring!

@NinjaDuck:  This is great advice as well.

Post # 14
Member
76 posts
Worker bee

@beeeforeigocrazy:  I have definitely been at that stage before. We don’t live together so it’s a little easier for me to hide it and not blow up at him. For me, it wasn’t about not being able to talk to him about how I feel because I know I can do that about anything, anytime. It was more about not wanting to be that girl he proposes to just to shut her up or because she’s getting upset about it. I want him to think “wow, I really love her and I’m going to propose”.

 

I just let it pass. I felt that way for a couple days then realized I would want to be with him no matter what, and just enjoy what we have right now. (I know it’s hard when you’ve been together so long already, going on 8 years here!)

 

But it really is just a stage. I’m sure you don’t ACTUALLY want to leave him and give up everything you two have just because you don’t have a ring. (P.S. I’m not engaged yet either)

 

Everyone has their bad days with waiting

Post # 15
Member
2269 posts
Buzzing bee

@beeeforeigocrazy:  How old are you two? Anyway, I would go insane if my SO had the ring for months and hadn’t asked. You should definitely talk to him. He’s ruining this experience for you.

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