(Closed) Frustrated and saddened by SO's lack of support. :(

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
4803 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’m sorry you’re not feeling supported =(   I’m really tired and about to go to bed so I’m going to leave the how to deal with your SO part of this to more awake bees who will give better advice, but I just wanted to throw it out there that it might help to change your perspective on this a bit as far as the reasons you want to get in better shape go. For example, I know that sometimes I’ll bust my ass cleaning the house all day thinking about how impressed my Darling Husband will be when he gets home. And if he comes home and doesn’t notice, I’m pissed! It’s like all my hard work was for nothing! I’ve learned that I need to take the perspective that I’m cleaning it for ME and my own satisfaction. That if he notices (which tends to not happen untilt here’s a drastic difference) it’s just an added bonus. Just keep the mindset that this is your own personal mission to get yourself more fit, healthy, and active – you’re not doing it for him, you’re doing it because it’s going to help you feel better about yourself – more energized and happy! Even without other people there to acknowledge your hard work.

Post # 4
Member
32 posts
Newbee

I agree with PP, we all want encouragement and motivation from our SO-  but they are human and they mess up and aren’t always prefect to us.  Don’t be too hard on him-  but definitely keep working hard for yourself.  There is NO doubt he will notice one day-  may take months…  that’s what they say though-  After 8 weeks or so other people notice you’ve slimmed down and toned up Smile   So keep the long-term goal in mind-  To blow him away and impress him and yourself in a couple months after all this secret, unappreciated hard work!   Hang in there, I’m a fellow couch potato.  If you have an iPhone try the app “100 pushups”  It’s helped me get to 15 push ups all at once, and about 60 in a 5 min. spread.   which makes me good and sore

Post # 6
Member
7616 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

@ForeverBirds:  Is it possible he doesn’t think you need to lose weight, so he doesn’t see it as that big a deal? I don’t think the “I can’t see you running a mile” comment is an insult or anything to be offended by. If he’s never seen you go running, then it might be hard for him to picture you running. That’s not bad or mean. If you said “we’re learning how to rob banks” he might say “I can’t picture you robbing a bank.” It’s an observation based on past experience, not a judgement. If he had a condescending tone of voice or something, that might be different, but if it was just an offhand comment, don’t let our own feelings of insecurity add some meaning that he never intended. And unless he’s said something about your weight gain, he probably hasn’t even noticed it, so doesn’t notice you losing it again. Just talk to him openly and honestly. He probably doesn’t realize he’s being unsupportive, so ask him for what you need. I have straight up asked my husband and kids “will you guys clap for me when I get home? I did something awesome at work and nobody even noticed it.” When I walked in, I got a standing ovation and it totally lifted my spirits. Is that dumb? Maybe. And maybe you don’t need applause, but what DO you want or need from him? Ask him for it, he’ll probably say “of course!”

Post # 7
Member
12248 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Men are so stupid like that!

I’m training for a 1/2 marathon (May 5th), and my Fiance keeps whining at me to stop running all the time, because it makes him feel lazy and fat!

THEN COME TO THE GYM WITH ME, DOUCHE.

Unless your Fiance is a bodybuilder/gym rat, just look at him and say “I’m getting more excersize than you!”

 

Post # 8
Member
982 posts
Busy bee

@ForeverBirds:  If you are making the change for you (which is how it should be), the only encouragement you need is from yourself. It takes time to get from the stage of ‘don’t want to’ to ‘I’m looking forward to going to the gym/walk/etc’. The best person to push yourself IS yourself. For our SO’s, they know that weight is a touchy subject for us. There’s a fine line between support, and them being afraid we will take their comments as ‘you’re not happy with my weight’. So don’t be disheartened by him.

As for building that motivation, I LOVE looking at before and after shots on tumblr. I find every one of those photos and people so inspiring. And it gives me that push I need.

Stick with it! You’ll never understand what you can possibly achieve until you keep going! At first, you’ll notice that your clothes feel looser, and honestly – don’t pay much attention to the scales. Your weight will increase due to building muscle, so don’t think it’s all a waste because it’s really not! If you’re going to use any kind of scales, get the one where it shows you the breakdown of muscle and fat content. And it’s a great idea to have a workout buddy. You will find that you will gain momentum and motivate each other, to the point where even if your friend can’t make it, you will still want to do it. And you really can’t beat that feeling after regularly working out – you feel good, happy and confident, although you may still look the same, your mind feels great and that shows.

You can do it!

Post # 9
Member
2565 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@BrandNewBride:  I LOL’d at this!

My Fiance is super supportive of my gym and running/exercise habits, but anytime I ask him to come with he has an excuse.  It’s so frustrating!

OP, I think if I were you I’d focus on the workouts etc for you and hopefully once your SO notices the difference (more confidence, fitter) maybe he’ll change his tune to “awesome job on running a mile baby!”.  While we alll want to look our best for our man, the main goal should be feeling good for ourselves. 🙂

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