(Closed) FRUSTRATED AS [email protected]#%#!!! [LONG] LACK OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ABOUT ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING!!

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

You know, I think that a major path toward happiness in life is to release expectations of others. Embrace any joyful expressions of your forthcoming marriage and enjoy them. Don’t dwell on communications that seem to–by your standards–be lacking.

Just to pick one, I’m not sure why you consider your FMIL’s two actions, calling you to congratulate you AND ALSO expressing a desrie to see your ring as inadequate. I think

think that’s a nice thing to do. But whatever. 

Post # 4
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@confusedfrustratedbride:  Whew!  I think you need to relax and adjust your expectations a bit.  Honestly, your engagement and the impending wedding are most important to YOU (and your Fiance of course!) and YOU alone.  I think you went in to this expecting WAY too much.  The world doesn’t stop turning because you got engaged (don’t read as snarky, not meant to be!).

Furthermore, it sounds like you are looking for trouble.  Example 1 – Your Fiance not mentioning looking at wedding stuff at the crafts store.  So what!?  Simply because he didn’t mention it does NOT mean he doesn’t care about it.  And going forward, please understand that most of the guys involved in the planning process aren’t nearly as gung-ho as the brides are.  So get used to that!  Example 2 – His MOM not saying “Oh, but she’s engaged to my son!!!?!?”  Again, so what!?  That was your question to answer, not hers.  She’s probably trying not to overstep boundaries, which you should appreciate.

Just let this be a lesson for you.  The wedding is the most important day in YOUR life, not everyone else.

Really, stop seeking reasons to upset yourself.  This one’s on you.

Post # 5
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@FauxPas2012:  Could not agree more.  You are solely responsible for your happiness.  And there is a direct correlation between your expectations (which are too high) and your current state of dissatisfaction.

Post # 6
Member
506 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yeah it sucks when people aren’t pumped/interested about your wedding…but it’s because it is YOUR wedding. Nobody gives nearly the amount of crap as we do about the whole shindig. It’s the same reason people won’t RSVP on time, will be no shows, will not give you a gift, will show up late to your reh. Let go and let god girl or you’re going to be in for a huge amount of upsets…

Post # 8
Member
1716 posts
Bumble bee

Is your wedding actually going to be in 2017 or have you not picked a date yet?

People don’t really get excited about stuff until you set a date. I don’t think anyone has been overly rude. I think you answering “No” to the question of you getting married is going to create some problems in the future and was actually kind of manipulative on your part.

My SO’s father hasnt said shit about it and neither has his Mom (who we live with) No one is really excited about our engagement. They ask me wedding questions now and then, but thats about it. 

I haven’t set an exact date yet either, so there is no real reason for everyone to be all excited about it yet.

Post # 10
Member
508 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

@HelleCat:  People don’t really get excited about stuff until you set a date. I don’t think anyone has been overly rude. I think you answering “No” to the question of you getting married is going to create some problems in the future and was actually kind of manipulative on your part.

Agreed.  

Post # 12
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I don’t think FI’s parents said anything to me about our engagement?  They were excited but I didn’t expect them to like Facebook photos or call me specifically.  I think your expectations are WAY too high right now.  But then I also went dress shopping with just my mom, so maybe I’m just a low-key bride.  Once it got close to my wedding I was so tired of people talking about it with me! It was all anyone wanted to talk about!

Do you have a date picked?  People generally start getting more on board when you actually start getting addresses or sending out invitations or save the dates.  If your mom is iffy about it, invite her dress shopping or go out with her just to have fun, without any wedding pressure.  I wouldn’t get your hopes up too high because it sounds like your expectations are unrealistic right now, just be pleasantly surprised when people do talk about your wedding.  

And, you can always talk to your friends or online communities about all the details if no one else will talk with you about it in real life!

Post # 13
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I just saw you posted that your wedding is next fall.  How about you and your Fiance talk to his parents about it and see if they have any input on addresses or people to invite?  Take them out to eat at your reception venue? 

Post # 15
Member
40 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2013

I think it can be really hard with what we’re taught to expect/what we see happening for other couples, like friends who get engaged who have 100 people like their status on facebook, instantly have an engagement party thrown for them, or start booking really expensive venues immediately, etc. (sorry, can’t think of any great examples, ha), in comparison with what happens for us as individuals.

For example, I don’t think I’m going to have a bridal shower because my friends and family are kind of scattered all over the place, and I feel like asking them to come to town for my wedding is enough, but I have friends who have had multiple bridal showers. Just try to look on the positive side of things, i.e., it’s nice to not have too many cooks in the kitchen and to be able to plan things for yourself. And be forgiving of Fiance, it sounds like he’s trying to keep the peace between everyone!

Post # 16
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@confusedfrustratedbride:  No worries, like you said, you’re new to this!  And for what it’s worth, it’s better than having parents and ILs that completely hijack the wedding and planning, and bombard you with THEIR opinions, and how THEY would do it if it were up to them.  Consider yourself lucky!  🙂

Best of luck with the planning process!

The topic ‘FRUSTRATED AS [email protected]#%#!!! [LONG] LACK OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ABOUT ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING!!’ is closed to new replies.

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