(Closed) FRUSTRATED AS [email protected]#%#!!! [LONG] LACK OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT ABOUT ENGAGEMENT/WEDDING!!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 33
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

I think you should seriously lower your expectations for the people in your life. Especially about your fiance saying that you were ‘looking around’ without adding the ‘for the wedding’ at the end. 

Post # 36
Member
184 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Can I ask how you told them about your engagement?  You said that his dad said nothing about it…Is that because he found out 2nd hand, or because you two called him and he hung up or changed the subject?  I found out about my brother’s engagement on facebook and I was really hurt and angry.  It was pretty tough for me to ask about the wedding because it was a sore subject for me. 

Sometimes involving people in planning can help them feel like they matter, like keeping them in the loop or inviting them for things.  Obviously, choose the topics of their involvement carefully, or you might end up posting a “My Future Mother-In-Law took over my wedding” type of thread…but there can be a good balance I think.

Post # 37
Member
1434 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

View original reply
@confusedfrustratedbride:  Oh. You might remove the date all together then, just to avoid confusion. I don’t have a date on mine yet–cause I don’t have a date, but that’s a rant I’m not going to release just yet. Undecided

If you want to talk about the wedding, bring it up yourself. 

Also, I want to point out that I felt a little like you did, but then I stopped talking about the wedding when I realized I had to wait till january to book things. Since I stopped talking about it, people started asking me about it. 

I think that because weddings are such big money for businesses, they have gone out of their way to make sure we get all these fantasy expectations about the wedding in our head. We’ve been brainwashed into thinking it’s “the bride’s day” and the most important day of a couple’s lives, etc and so on.

Well, the most important day of my life was the day I was born. Had it not been for that day, I would never have a wedding day. The second most important might be when I become a mother and therefore responsible for another human life. The next important day is the day that I die and no longer exist. After these three days, I will put the wedding day.

So please put it in perspective. Don’t let the media and fantasy give you false expectations of your wedding day. I suggest you make a list of what’s most important about your wedding day, and do not stress about anything that falls outside fo that list.

Post # 38
Member
6739 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry if this was repeated (I’m watching Survivor and didn’t read the responses)..

It sounds like you’re insecure about what other people think about the relationship and you’re seeking validation that people approve of and are excited/happy for your relationship by expressing it in your engagement/wedding. 

No one is going to be as excited about your engagement, your ring, your wedding, etc. as you are (or as some of us wedding obsessed bees – come here to the hive for excitement). 

The things you mentioned that were frustrating or that were inappropriate responses are really nitpicky.  With the exception of your mom, I don’t think anyone else’s responses are inappropriate or lacking of enthusiasm. Guys, in general, could give 2 doodies about weddings.  You’re lucky your Fiance happily agrees to go to craft stores with you! lol.. And I’m not surprised your Future Father-In-Law isn’t gushing over the proposal or your ring.

Back to my original point – I think you need to figure out why it’s so important to you to have so much approval and excitement from everyone, when you’re getting plenty already (friends and other family members).  I think once you figure that out, you can release the expectations that you have and you won’t be so upset about everything.  As for your mom – she probably feels guilty that she can’t contribue financially and can’t get past that.  I’m sure she’s excited for you and feeling guilty and inadequate – cut her some slack.

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