(Closed) Frustrated at lack of reciprocity now that it's time for FI to get married

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
9576 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

The party doesnt have to be thrown by his brother, what fun will that be if hes reluctant? I would ask a local freind to help out, and then just invite the brother. 

 

 

Post # 19
Member
2597 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@FleeSircus:  Well, if you call, you don’t need to be pushy or confrontational. Maybe something like, 

“Hey, Bob – I hope you don’t mind my calling but I wanted to ask when you were planning on having FI’s bachelor party?  We have a lot of stuff coming up to schedule but I know this is important for you guys so I wanted to make sure we didn’t have any scheduling conflicts, especially if you planned to do a weekend thing like he did for you.” 

If he indicates nothing or makes some excuse then, “Oh. I just remembered it was very important to you that Fiance throw you a bachelor party and just kind of assumed you would do the same for him. I know it would mean a lot to him if you did.” 

Use gentle thumb screws. 

Are there other Groomsmen? You could ask one of them to call your Future Brother-In-Law to get things going.

Post # 20
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yeah, that sucks. But I’d stay out of it. It’s not your business. It was your SIL’s business in the past, but her acting poorly doesn’t mean that you should. If your husband isn’t upset then I wouldn’t be upset for him. I think way too much drama is done from being upset for someone else when they don’t even care. Just toll your eyes and know that your Brother-In-Law is kind of a dick and don’t count on him to be conscientious in the future.

Post # 22
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Normally I would say FI’s brother needs to sort it out and reciprocate. However…

You said you don’t have a bridal party, and have mentioned nowhere about about FI’s brother being a best man. If he’s not a best man, he doesn’t have to do best man duties. For all he knows, someone else is a best man, and so he’s staying out of it because it’s someone else’s job. 

You can’t say you want to be free of the hassle of a bridal party, and then be annoyed when you don’t get the perks that come with having a bridal party. 

Post # 24
Member
1991 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

Well that’s just plain shitty of him. I think if use PP’s approach and call Brother-In-Law to see what’s up, but frame it around the idea of wanting to prevent scheduling conflicts.

Post # 25
Member
9541 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

View original reply
@FleeSircus:  Yeah. Still sucks. Maybe you and your fiance could do something with your fiance? I mean, I’m not suggesting you take him to a strip club, but maybe out to a nice steak dinner or bourbon tasting or basketball game or arcade or whatever he would enjoy? I wouldn’t be a bachelor party and I wouldn’t call it that, but if he’s a bit bummed, maybe that would cheer him up?

Post # 26
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

Ugh. My DH’s BFF pulled this on him, too! (Only DH threw him a HUGE bachelor party, the BFF talked about how “awesome” DH’s bachelor party would be, then never planned or did anything. Then told DH that DH was somehow a bad friend?)

It sucks. I hope he can do a local guy’s night out with friends before the wedding!

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