(Closed) Frustrated by friends and family who don’t seem to know what weddings cost

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know exactly what you mean! I get e-mailed suggestions all the time. We are already having a fairly expensive wedding to begin with.. I don’t need any extra things to add into the budget! I usually just try to say “oh yeah that looks nice!” and then just ignore it. I know that everyone means well, but when you have a million things to think about already and you’re stressed, sometimes those suggestions are the last thing you want to hear!

Post # 4
Member
7312 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

“Thanks for the advice. i’ll definitely take it under consideration.” That’s all you need to say, and then you can promptly forget about whatever they just said. Remember, you cannot change other people, but you can change your emotional response to their behaviors. Let it all just roll right off of you because getting annoyed is not worth your valuable time and energy.

Post # 6
Member
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have the opposite problem, our parents who are contributing some to the wedding looked at us in pure horror when we said we were going to have to forgo a lot of things we wanted initally (cough cough… chivari chairs!) to make our $20,000 budget. They all assumed that the $20,000 was more than enough to have everything we had been dreaming of.

Post # 7
Member
46333 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Talk to the bees who have no one who seems to be interested in their wedding, and maybe you won’t feel so bad. Your friends and family are interested and sharing their finds. Thank them, then do what you will with the thought.

Post # 8
Member
2416 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Fiance parents were the same. They thought we were being SO lavish with all the things we wanted initially. Then we went to a couple of very expensive weddings together, I pointed out all of the things we weren’t having and how our wedding was still going to cost X amount of dollars. They slowly began to get it.

My mother gravitates to so many things that I can’t afford and it honestly annoys the hell out of me, and is the exact reason why I no longer attend bridal shows.

Post # 9
Member
1284 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think weddings are a total sticker shock for everyone! Haha.

Post # 10
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@julies1949:  THIS.

Barely anyone sent me pictures, ideas, anything and I would have LOVED them.  I was first in my friends and family to get married and no one was familar with the wedding websites, wedding trends, etc. etc.

I used to send ideas to my sister because her wedding made me so excited and I had all kinds of fun ideas, pictures, etc.  She was so meh/kinda rude about it that I just gave up.

Indulge your friends and family — they’re just excited and want to help!

Post # 11
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

OMG you should have seen my mom at the first bridal show we went to. She was like “Oh you HAVE TO HAVE THIS” or “this looks nice, lets do this or book this”. It’s easy to get caught up in the wedding industry and what people think you “NEED” but my budget quickly brings me back to reality.

Post # 12
Member
4336 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Nobody said anything like that to me! But if they had, I totally might have responded with, “yes, that is lovely! wanna help me pay for it?” 😛

Post # 13
Member
3618 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

LMAO. My SIL kept doing that. She was so sweet when we first got engaged, she bought me a bunch of bridal magazines and we went through them together (she was living with us at the time). But she kept showing me things that screamed $$$$$$ without even having to look into it. I just had to smile and say “oh, that is nice!”

Then my dad, went with us to look at the mock up of our decor he complained we were being “too cheap” on the flowers and told us he wants flowers E-V-E-R-Y-W-H-E-R-E. I just looked at him and asked if he was going to be paying for these extra flowers and if he realized how much our “cheap” flowers were already costing!! Yea, that shut him down. LOL. For the record, my parents did help us a lot financially with the wedding, but um, not nearly enough to have a floral budget of that magnitude.

Post # 14
Member
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I just started telling my mom how much everything costs. When I told her photography was like 2-3k ish on average she crapped her pants.

Post # 15
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Yep. My dad thinks 5 star weddings cost $30k. I’m like…okay, so for what you’re thinking? double it because it’s 2012. And double that, because I live in Los Angeles.

Post # 16
Member
1093 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Future Mother-In-Law has no concept of what weddings cost.  She keeps suggesting things and doing this whole “but WHY wouldn’t you WANT this???” thing with me that’s driving me bonkers.  I have to explain to her every single time that we had to cut a lot of the more fancy stuff we wanted to accommodate her 100+person guest list.

Then she yells at us for spending so much money on the wedding. Good grief.

 

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