Post # 1
We got married 3 weeks ago, across the country from where we live and where most of our friends are. When I got home from the honeymoon and got back into regular life, I made plans with my closest friends to catch up and tell them about the wedding and stuff. I prefer one-on-one time with my friends because not many of them are from the same area of my life. I have a close friend I went to college with, one I used to work with, one I grew up wtih, etc.
I say this because they’re all in different places in their lives but their reactions were all the same, “Yeah, way to rub it in.” Or some variation, but that was the jist and no, they weren’t joking. One even told me she didn’t want to hear about it. This response came after they asked me how married life was and I told them that I was really happy, I felt so relieved after the wedding planning was over, that it feels different to be married, despite living together, and that I was just really happy with married life.
They loved hearing about the wedding and seeing pictures, but when they asked how I liked married life, they hated my answer. I don’t feel like I babbled on and on, I just told them in a few sentences that it was really great and that I felt so relieved to have all the wedding planning behind us (hubs and I fought alot because we had such different expectations of what a wedding should be).
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut. I always listen to them and support them. They talk about new boyfriends, break-ups, trouble with school or work, exciting concerts they’re going to or whatever and I listen. But each of my closest friends wasn’t happy for me, they acted jealous. Even if I get jealous of them (which I do, they go out all the time and do fun crazy things 20 somethings do and I was stuck at home studying for the CPA exam and arguing about a wedding) I still support them and listen and am truly happy for them. It just really bugs me that they couldn’t be happy for me.
Post # 3
Aww I am sorry. They aren’t being really good friends right now are they? You have been a true friend to them listening to their highs and lows and loving and supporting them where they are at. You deserve that kind of friend too. Maybe they will come to their senses and see they are not being fair. At the same time this may be a good time to broaden your circle of friends. Set out to develop new friendships. It takes an investment of time to develop new friendships but it is so worth the effort. One can never have to many friends.
I am currently in the developing new friendships mode. Through the course of my divorce I learned that many people I thought of as friends were not really friends. So though I am friendly towards them I no longer invest a lot of time in those relationships. I choose to invest time in relationships I think will be more supportive. It sucks how major life events shows us who are true friends really are.
Congratulations on your marriage! I am glad married life is all you hoped it would be.
Post # 4
This sounds like it’s them, not you, and it’s not fair for them to bring you down.
It might be good to step back and give them time to figure out how to not let their issues creep into their responses to your life. And in the mean time, maybe find some new friends? Not sure where you are geographically but even if there’s not a lot nearby, you’d be surprised the number of social groups you can find on a place like meetup.
And then once your friends get adjusted, maybe you can resume things.
Post # 5
I have been a long-time lurker and seriously just made an account to respond to this thread. I know exactly how you feel! When I got engaged, a few of my closest friends were not happy for me at all, and it has caused a huge rift. One even told me she needed a little break from our friendship because she couldn’t handle everyone asking me about the proposal and wanting to see the ring. I am a pretty shy person and I never brought it up on my own.
I’m still struggling with it like you are, but it really is their problem–not yours. I hope you’ll find new friends who can be happy for you like you are for them in good times.
Post # 6
@lovestoplan– Welcome to the ‘bee 🙂 Thank you for your kind words, I hope you get through this too!
I agree that it’s them but it still just hurts my feelings. Thanks for the advice ladies 🙂 I think I’m going to get more involved at church and try to make friends that are in a similar place in life.